just because I enjoy solitude doesn’t mean I feel alone.
sometimes for me silence is what soothes my soul.
truly, when I’m off by myself I’m not in part, but in whole.
I can finally sit in my creative throne.
I can reflect on the past and see how I’ve grown.
I honestly prefer not parting my lips,
but rather, I like to keep my pen going in my fingertips.
because in my solace I write in my own tone.
I favour the quiet over the noise.
I’d much rather be my own one and only.
for when in silence I am full of poise.
because when I’m alone I am not lonely.

I feel as if you already should’ve known,
I am not lonely when I’m alone.

to love is to be afraid.
afraid of forever.
because forever is eternity.
and eternity creates disquiet.
but with you it seems at ease,
this notion on loving incessantly.
almost like the concept of time is nonexistent,
that with you it does not grieve.
my heart be disposed, pray.
that I may love you.
and give you everything.
everything.
a list of firsts and lasts.
comfortably and effortlessly,
so it seems it was painted without a fault.
stars aligned just perfectly,
hearts in sync as one.
that I may love you selflessly,
without fear of failure,
or the concept of an unworthy mind.

I love you,
in the strangest way one could.
my heart longs for you,
but I know you’re far from my reach.
everything is different,
when I am with you.
I want you to cherish me,
maybe love me too.
but I know that’s not how you are.
I want you to live up to your name,
be enDearing, because you’re winsome.
be enchanting and gentle.
but everything is polar opposite.
I pray you bear no malice,
hold no ill intent inside your heart.
but o, how pretentious the knave is!
woe, a look of haughty disdain.
I want to give you my gift,
wrapped tenderly in years of refinement.
though I fear you would not accept it humbly.
you take me lightly, just another prize.
a dozen shots you’ve drank,
when I’ve drank not one.
your lips on mine, uninvited.
but soon warmly welcomed with their craft.
what makes you special,
is what I think on.
from one mouth I learned you defended me.
spoke up for my aching mind,
when I was no where near.
I sense your callousness breaking,
as earnest eyes begin to leak.
I meander through this labyrinth,
weaving in and out of all these chances.
so please don’t scar my heart,
not when I open up so much to you.
I let myself feel when I’m with you.
letting you touch my skin, but also my soul.
is this all just some gods experiment?
an experiment where I have no say.
where I’m given paradise,
but only for a day.

you remind me of him...
just your mannerisms in my mind.
instead of seeing you I see him,
it frightens me to no end.
I can hear his voice inside my head...
it echoes through my ears,
the voice in my head,
how much must I beg,

to rid it from my mind.

with all due respect,
please don’t love me yet.
my heart is too fragile,
too broken, still it aches.
I can’t take another heartbreak,
I’m too afraid to let you in.
as much as I want to,
I’m too ******* with the past.
I beg of you,
please don’t love me yet.
I’m not ready, it’s moving all too fast.
hold the names on your tongue,
please don’t say them yet.
my eyes they burn with tears,
as fear begins to pool.
I cannot love you yet,
I’m too freshly healed.
this has nothing against you,
not one bit it does not.
I want to fix myself,
so maybe I can love you best.
I wince at the names you call me,
please don’t call me that yet.
I don’t have the heart to tell you this,
how can anybody?
I wish to rid myself of the pain,
to let go and let you in.
but I can’t, I just can’t.
please let’s take this slow.
we’re moving far too fast.
I don’t mind the stories and the questions,
but please hold off on love.
is it so hard to ask?
with all due respect,
please don’t love me yet.