Barnyard ****, just raised a city born, sort of a chick
Even gave her the surburban name of Sandra Dee Fonda
A pretty slow blonde critter, some even say, short of a tick
Bred way-down and far-away, ‘bout 70 miles yonder
Y’all be knowing dat Hick-Hop thang, is what it‘s all about
While hootin’ and scootin’, never let ya kissin’ cousin, flake out
Hee Haw, said it all, when we were a pickin’ and a grinnin’
Ask Goober, what’s dat ya doin’ and what’s dat ya diggin’?
Perhaps I may yet die, with my boots still placed upon
Cowards never really stay around here long enough
To actually become real cowboy shootin’ stuff, my dear
I say, ‘Hang ‘em first and try ‘em later on’
My life was always threatened daily
That’s why, I went out heavily armed, just like an Israeli
I’ve been invited to the Marty Party, along with Brother Brown
But, I thought killing a man, was my one and only, speciality
Even drafted a business proposition, for this exact locality
Since I’ve had the market cornered, in da middle of downtown
From Cornfield, Alabama to Deadwood, South Dakota
There’s no import or export taxes, so no **** amount of quota
So, me, you and even that Clay Ellison, will be riding a winner
Even after killin’ that Chunk Kolbert, straight after his dinner
Perhaps I may yet die, with my boots still placed upon
Cowards never really stay around here long enough
To actually become real cowboy shootin’ stuff, my dear
I say, ‘Hang ‘em first and try ‘em later on’
My life was always threatened daily
That’s why, I went out heavily armed, just like an Israeli
They’ll be gettin’ da same amount of ice, as Knoxville
But the rich will be a gettin’ it, in da summertime
While the poor will be a gettin’ it, in da wintertime
If I owned Texas & Hell, I’d rent out Texas & live in Hell
So, don’t ever think about, hittin’ ya mother with a shovel
It’ll leave a dull impression on her already fragile mind
I’m not afraid to die, as a brave man fighting shall
But I wouldn’t wanna be killed, like a dog unarmed, so please be kind
Perhaps I may yet die, with my boots still placed upon
Cowards never really stay around here long enough
To actually become real cowboy shootin’ stuff, my dear
I say, ‘Hang ‘em first and try ‘em later on’
My life was always threatened daily
That’s why, I went out heavily armed, just like an Israeli
I see a good many enemies around me, who will walk
But notice mighty few friends, that are willing to talk
They would then, drink right smart
They could then, scrap right smart
But, I didn’t come here to talk, I just came here to hang
Just a peekin’ through, the hour glass thang
Perhaps I may yet die, with my boots still placed upon
Cowards never really stay around here long enough
To actually become real cowboy shootin’ stuff, my dear
I say, ‘Hang ‘em first and try ‘em later on’
My life was always threatened daily
That’s why, I went out heavily armed, just like an Israeli.