my chest is tired from carrying the weight
my eyes are tired from holding the tears
my gut is tired from possessing the feelings
my mind is tired from analyzing the thoughts

a constant cycle of not being wanted
from the home
from the school
from the military
from the family

i cannot seem to find my place.

the lingering sensation of death lurking
because to be gone would be simple
plain and simple
the nothingness seems more inviting than
the home
the school
the military
the family

the tears streak my cheeks falling upon a broken heart
how can i mend something that does not want me?

the surface is warm + inviting
i enter with utter ease
excitement
the small splashes against my shins
welcoming to an open space
new opportunities
gradually descending to the waist
engulfed by continuous events
one inch more
the chill on my naval
hairs slowly rise
while accomplishments fall
consumed by endless thoughts
collarbones disappear under foam
my eyes glimpse back at the shore
slowly drowning
all because i believed i could swim alone.

i can relate to you
an empty vessel
used by those who
seek your inner light
you can warm them
make them happy
shedding layers
piece by piece
cold hearts defrost
satisfaction is instantly gratified
soon they have what they want
and you're left exerting the final spark
until the flames dim
wood burnt
the coals still flicker
ashes and ashes
only you fall down
they leave
you stay
an empty vessel
i can relate to you