Wow,
life is such a trip,
one minute you’re up next minute you’re down,
one second you’re happy the next you want to slash your wrist,
almost slashed my wrist today,
naked wrapped in a towel,
on the shower floor,
ready to let go,
used to be a Cutter anyways,
used to be a punk in the gutters anyways,
used to think about suicide and still do,
so even though I’ve got more money now what’s really changed?
Pain,
is still such an overpowering emotion,
which is how I found myself in a horizontal fetal position,
on the bathroom floor ready to cut myself open,
just wanted to clean out the pain,
so that maybe I could start again,
a new life with a chance to make everything right,
and have someone that falls in love instead of falling apart again,
and it was all over a girl,
isn’t almost always,
she left me with no explanation,
my last image of her was in my hallway,
going down the stairs,
with a bag that’s too heavy to carry,
and I thought about that bag and her travels,
and how I thought she might of been the one I married,
but apparently I wasn’t perfect enough for here,
she wanted a Catholic Vegan and I am neither,
I told her that she should not restrict her love with discriminations,
because even though I’m not religious I am still a True Believer,
and I’d just wanted some space I didn’t want to forever leave her,
but she took it the wrong way and made her escape,
and as she left out that door I knew I’d never again see her,
and there I was,
with all the pain from my past,
triggered in an instant by a girl I barely knew,
in a place where everything just felt bad,
and I was alone with my tortured self,
and everything from my tortured past,
and everything I saw reminded me of her,
and I wanted to just escape so fast,
so I grabbed a knife,
and headed to the bathroom,
I laid myself in the shower over the drain,
and assumed the position,
and just as the tip of the blade kissed my wrist,
and the first drop of blood escaped,
my phone rang in the other room,
and I wondered if I’d been saved,
my best friend was calling me,
he must be telepathic,
because the first thing he said to me was,
“Are you okay please don’t do anything drastic.”,
he made me promise,
that I would see him tomorrow,
and wouldn’t let me get off the phone,
until I promised him that vow,
see I never break a promise,
even if I do break hearts,
so when he made me make that promise,
we both knew that today would not be the day for me to depart,
so instead of slashing my wrist,
I went outside to bask in bliss,
to Venice beach I ran,
because the beach is just a block from where I live,
I ran until I was exhausted,
and ended up at the shoreline,
where I noticed a mystical gypsy girl,
meditating in the sunshine,
“Excuse me,
can I ask you for some advice?
What would you do if the woman you loved left you,
and you were considering ending your life?”,
she explained,
everything was only temporary,
and sometimes the pain,
is truly necessary,
and,
that we have to have our hour broken,
to let,
the light in and let our love deepen,
She then said she had something for me,
reached into her back and brought out a black tourmaline,
she gave it to me and said when she was on Suicide Watch,
a shaman visited her in the hospital and brought her black tourmaline,
she told me to where it,
listen to my heart and I’d get better,
I put the tourmaline on with newfound purpose,
and with strength and guidance I thanked her for the gesture,
I then left that mystical gypsy women,
there in the setting sun,
then set off back into the world,
to finish things I’d left undone,
on the way back,
I met a group of people kinda like myself,
they asked me what I was doing,
I replied “Trying not to **** myself.”,
they invited me to their place,
and here where the story takes another twist,
because there I met a girl,
who also had a story of desperation and wrists,
and that girl,
she was everything I’d ever wanted in a woman,
she was intelligent and beautiful,
she was hurt and a healer she was fixed up and broken,
and in that instant I saw how divine this all is,
and in an instant I realized the magic of this Life we live,
so I invited her back to my place,
and she instantly said yes,
life’s such a trip,
I mean it’s really something to think about,
like how every event in your entire life,
led you to this moment you’re living right now,
and any person you’ve ever met,
had to have their own exact experiences,
to lead them to find you,
and for both of you to be together in something that seems instantaneous,
and so there we were,
and we went back to my place and made love,
and everything felt so automatic and natural,
because with true love that’s just what is up,
she came and I came,
and we both knew how long it had been,
so after we made love,
we just laid there in our moment of bliss,
in that bubble we created,
that was only ours to have,
away from everything else,
where we could explore and laugh,
because we’ve all been through a lot,
but with love we will heal,
so there is no time for small talk,
only want you if you’re real,
and speaking of real,
to keep it real I’ve got to shout out my Ex,
because if she hadn’t left right when she did,
well then I wouldn’t have met my Next and had ***,
and I’m so glad she did,
and I’m so glad you did,
and I’m so glad I did,
and I’m so glad we did what we did,
and now I’m in the kitchen naked cutting asparagus,
with the same knife I almost used to cut my wrist,
see life is a beautifully horrible tormenting joyful state of painful bliss,
as yes what an interestingly twisted experience this life we live is,
and I’m going to get back to my bliss,
because I want to take a rest,
but before I go,
here’s a few words for me Ex,
“Dear Love,
I’m glad you left me because I found a better you,
she’s like you except new and improved,
because she’s vegan too but she’s only 22,
and she loves me unconditionally,
and here’s the proof,
if we have problems we work it out,
because that’s what grown people do,
we don’t runaway,
we stand and communicate,
and I know you understand,
because I know you relate,
but your love was not enough,
and ultimately you didn’t care,
so you had to go to make room for someone that actually loves me,
well okay then goodbye take off and take care,
I will always love you,
always have and always will,
even though you’re not ready for grown love,
because even at almost 30 you’re still just a little girl,
so good luck and goodbye,
I wish you well,
maybe see you again but I doubt it,
I guess time will tell…”,
and to you dear reader,
and to your depression,
don’t deny your depression go through it,
because it leads to progression,
and progression leads to transition,
and you never know what the next moment will bring,
and you’ll never know if you do the irreversible,
so even in your darkest moments of despair,
remember to stay hopeful so,
you can look back and say,
you were stronger than Death,
you lived to love another day,
and well this is your story too so you know the rest…
∆ LaLux ∆
www.scribd.com/document/367036005