I have this perfect idea of the most comfortable, happy life I could ever imagine to live.

We can get married now!
My family will love you.

One of us will propose in public, and people will watch and cry with us.
Because even strangers get cavities just watching our sweet sugar love melt into caramel.

I’ll wear a dress and walk down the aisle, something I swore I would never do, because I hadn't met you yet.

But in my head, the person standing at alter waiting for me? She’s blurry.

I knew from the first time you kissed me that I could be your wife.
But my level of crazy love does not match the shallow depth of yours.

I wanted to stand in front of my family and show them the grand canyon that our love fills up.

That will never be us.

You won't tell me 'yes'.
But you can't tell me 'no'.

Waking up to you every day makes that truth sink and leave impressions on my skin.

A wound that will never scab over.

You kiss me good morning and my eyes see that same blurry figure.

I still revel in the love you give.

Because even if I can’t have you forever, I will not pass up having you for now.

We are two parallel lines; steady, constant, reliable,

But  n e v e r intersecting.

One afternoon I started to follow you
Knowing your name is painted with a
Name of my favorite fictional TV series character
Your name is Adam, but I call you Jon

I like it that way
I never knew you materialize as someone
So extraordinary to me
And you’re pretty perfect

I love words. You prefer numbers.
We stay in the same place where the pine trees
And cold weather were so ******* perfect
We could drown beneath them

Just like as you said
We’ve known each other for a little while
But it was different, Jon Snow..
You told me I placed myself a part in your life
Where in fact, you have put yourself, the whole of it, much inside my life now

The one who sings. The one who writes.
We can make a good team
Isn’t that beautiful?
Isn’t that sad, too?

Just by hearing your voice singing
Makes my heart happy
Especially when you talk to me and listen to me
At a very random topic or something
I love it that way

You told me that you will be that someone
That will say good bye to my face but will come back
Please prove me you will
Please act like you will

I am forever grateful for I have found
A special friend who holds my sadness apart
Someone who’s existence feels like a melody to  me
Someone I call Jon

And in the end, memories of good conversations
Is what will keep us both alive
But for me, take my words as a promise
Because as long as it is here
I will always feel strong, I am very much alive. I am  immortal.

if i'm alive one more day i'll be able to see the people who make life worth living

Write for me
Like I always write for you
Admiring each other's words scribbled
Ending the pain with every heartache

Write for me
When I'm sad
To those times I'm lonely and afflicted
And cannot even understand myself

Write for me
Like I am the greatest masterpiece ever created
Handle me like a fragile one
And think that you'll never have another me in your life

Write for me
When I'm not with you
Surprise everyone with your words that fluctuate
Even if it means breaking their own hearts

Write for me
During the day -- when you wake up and while having breakfast
And during the night before you sleep
Think of me like I was made of a thousand old prayer

Write for me
Like a repetitive song in your playlist
Listen to the words your heart is saying
And to the words that break silence

Write for me
Like I am your greatest love
Shower me your laughter and your smiles
And take my breathe away

Write for me
Like I am your most memorable past that you want to recover
Reconcile and feel that love
Go back to the times where our love was still the best love

And lastly, Write for me
Like you're going to leave
Feel the sadness of the achingly beautiful love we once had
But never had the chance to continue

Bom Bom
Bom Bom
Bom Bom
Do you hear that?

That's the sound of my heart beating.

Bom Bom
Bom Bom
Bom Bom
Do you hear that?
That's the sound of your heart beating.

It was first day of October. I was wearing my blue sweater,
You know the one I bought at Dillard's? The one with a
double-knitted hem and holes in the ends of the sleeves
that I could poke my thumbs through
when it was cold but I didn't feel like wearing gloves?
It was the same sweater you said made my eyes look
like reflections of the stars on the ocean.
You promised to love me forever that night. . .
and boy
did you
ever.

It was the first day of December this time. I was wearing
my blue sweater, you know the one I bought at Dillard's?
The one with a double-knitted hem and holes in the ends of the sleeves that I could poke my thumbs through when it was cold I
didn't feel like wearing gloves?
It was the same sweater you said made my eyes look like
reflections of the stars on the ocean.
I told you I was three weeks late.
You told me it was fate.
You promised to love me forever that night. . .
and boy
did you
ever!

It was the first day of May. I was wearing my blue sweater,
although this time the double-stitched hem was worn
and the strength of each thread tested as they were pulled
tight against my growing belly. You know one.
The same one I bought at Dillard's?
The one with holes in the ends of the sleeves that I
could poke my thumbs through when it was cold but
I didn't feel like wearing gloves?
It was the same sweater you said made my eyes look like
reflections of the stars on the ocean.

The SAME sweater you RIPPED off my body
as you shoved me to the floor,
calling me a *****,
telling me
you didn't love me
anymore.

Bom Bom
Bom Bom
Bom Bom
Do you hear that? That's the sound of my heart beating.

Bom Bom
Bom Bom
Bom Bom
Do you hear that? That's the sound of your heart beating.



Do you hear that? Of course you don't.
That's the silence of my womb because you
RIPPED OFF MY SWEATER.

i'm glad you got what you wanted.
god only knows when i will again.