The sun paints me reverential.
My eyes virgins to it's remarkable light, I've been sightless for ages.
The rays travel from my tears to my soul,
I illuminate from the inside out.
My smile pours out, it's disingenuous counterpart cast aside
waiting.

Where have I been?
Patterns decorate my arms, red welts of chains that once were.
Why has the sadness gone?
It's scary to recognize impermanence.
Everything comes in cycles - this included.

All I can do is keep my eyes open for as long as I can this time around.

By loving you I learned to hate myself
In finding you I learned to lose myself
Eyes roll back into my head,
Decorated by ugly shades of red
Don't really know if I meant what I said,
If I'd rather be dead

Couldn't stop the shakes
Turned my tears into lakes
Trying to teach myself not to need you here
This is someone trying to disappear

Craving your careful stroke of my hair
That simple bliss so temporary

But in leaving you I've learned to need myself
And in forgetting you I've learned to be myself
They said life teaches you how to live it,
you just have to live long enough to get it

On a small blue planet appeared a person,
It rocked back and forth screaming and crying.
It wanted a home and a safe place to go,
Where the unknown was not underlying.  

The person moved about this blue planet,
with wood it built a roof and four walls.
It called it a home, but didn't feel safe, as it
could still hear the whisper of danger's calls.  

With nothing to do but to continue with living,
It walked back and forth, laughing and crying.
Constantly searching for that feeling of warmth,
It's escape from the intense fear of dying.

Linear time dragged by on this planet,
This person was close to it's end.
It desperately fought to hold on to that place,
where it's thoughts would be constantly sent.

On a small planet then laid a person,
It closed it's eyes and looked into itself.
Discovered a universe where all was one,
and within the home of self, all was well.

I'm bored of blue skies.

I'm bored of art, music, poetry, fantasy, movies and writing.
I'm bored of breathing, walking, talking, dancing, laughing and crying.
Bored of train rides home alone, bored of trying to understand.
Bored of remembering my dreams, bored of begging for dreams I can't have.
I'm bored of feeling.
I'm bored of drugs, alcohol, relationships, bars, clubs and pointlessness.
I'm bored of hugs, whispers, kisses, smiles and carelessness.
What to do when there's nothing to do,
What to do when you can't spend time with you.

These days the colors of your voice paint time.
Minds bound together, but a frosty distance between.
Your soul dances fluently, a force I crave to absorb.
All I can do is breathe sounds into you while your arctic gaze unravels my deep makeup.

I revel in the acidic pain you've carelessly carved and I welcome it because nothing else exists.  

I shake, I’m scared. I blush, I’m on fire.
You watch tranquilly as if amused by a child.

Seized by your enigma my purity transforms into treachery.

I laugh because I'm flying
You laugh because you know I’d let you do everything to me
and we both cry, because you just might.

The exalt is ephemeral, sure to fade
Wistful stares dance past tainted shades
Rose colored lenses seep into red eyes
Chest filled with knots but can't form the ties

Nebulous mirror is all that is seen
Want to break through but don't want to bleed
Certainty fueled solely by liquid coal
Envy consumes and tears into the soul

Tell me I'm beautiful, loosen my chains
Assent the lies and then turn off my brain
Choked from the view by a chemical wall,
Lust for that side but don't want it at all

Desist the leers of superior ones,
Desire escape and somewhere to run
Pray that there is no re-occurrence,
Return to me addictive reassurance.

There is stillness immersed in movement.  
Branches that wave in the wind on a rooted tree
Passing clouds over the hushed sky
I search for that stillness inside,
But it seems the closer I look the less I am.
I can't find the permanence in identity
Can't find stability in me.