Crystal honey
Sugar bath
No thought in love
No hesitation in touch
Small, warm animal
Safe and sound
No worry
No fear of thought
Early smile
Uncontrollable
Runs it's fingers through his hair
Little ginger tinkerbell
Fly, without care
Loved.

I reach my hands to touch you
in the worst parts
that you want
but i dont
but you do
but we dont
but we do-
the silence creeping in
just enough to rip my hands
onto you
and onto where you want them to,
heavy hands
heavy breaths
in and out,
tongue twisted between lips
and bad lies,
heart brokenness underneath blankets
and blankets of desire
piled on top of hormonic lusts-

I say that i'm sorry

i'm sorry that i don't love you enough to mean
i'm sorry
and to take away the heaviness
weighing down upon my lips
as they quiver and shake
because i regret getting in the car in the first place.

My darling
Don't ever believe you're boring
My darling
My darling
Don't ever believe you're nothing
When you're everything
My darling
To me
Sleep soundly
My darling
My darling
I can see the parting of your lips in sleep
My darling
Never forget I'm thinking of you
Darling
You're everything to me

Driving pavement wet
Headphones keep me from silence
You aren't by my side

That grey gold curtain
Mexican restaurant glows
In the winter sun

You think you are dull
My heart is so very full
Of you and your laugh

Sleep like I'm right here
Piglet cheeks shine in the dark
Our pinkies touching

It's been too long since I heard that sound of your sails blowing in the breeze.
We were once a friendly band of brothers, but now I'm just lonely company.
Lonely stifling-
Steady lonely drifts down memory lane
As I try and recall how it felt before the rain,
Before you and I became a lullaby
That I have to sing to close my eyes-
Before death and life were no surprise,
Before I felt the hope inside me die-

Before the storm came passing by
I used to fall in love.
I used to sing with all my heart and dance before the burning sun!
I used to watch the waves go by, as I loved my company of two!
But after dark I close my eyes; I doubt that I'll ever see you.

I doubt that somewhere there might be another sunlight,
Another star sight!
Another love's type!
Another blue sky!
Another bird's cry!
Another new life-
Another memory left for you and I-

-No,
I can't imagine what it'd be like
To hold your hand, to hold it tight-
Shut my eyes, shut my eyes,
Before I start to realize
That nothing can ever be right!
-I want to imagine you again!
Another memory to share with a wonderful friend!
Another dream to be told, another lifetime to spend-
I would give it my all!
-I would do it again-

If it meant I'd see you up ahead

Somebody talks to the wind
And chases it as if it will give in.
Somebody runs through the trees
As if somewhere along the lines
He could escape this life;
All hope to escape his lies.
Somebody keeps a secret and tucks it away,
Somebody puts it in a white box and covers it in clichés.
Somebody writes a letter and pens it with black ink
As if his markings start to sink
And hide his hidden mask he sees!
Oh what a temptation to take a peek;
To open the letter before it's time to read;
To run through the grass before the time of spring;
To drink all the wine and have nothing to eat;
To take the best times and leave none left for dreams;
To spend all the days wishing to have another;
To count down the time
Until
The
Very
Last
Number.

-In the end it wont matter whether we ever made it,
Whether the grass was greener or stayed forsaken.
In the end it wont matter what we stole and we got,
We will disappear into the earth, and we will be forgot.
The only thing that matters is when I go and transcend
That my love for you was constant; it was until the end,
For what a tragedy
For me to breathe
Without giving you my breath-

One winter closer
One degree cooler
To one degree warmer
One winter closer
One more long stride
Until we're no longer hiding
One winter closer
Three seasons more
Until we're two winters close
But we're one winter closer
We're a dozen kisses closer to each other
We're a million cents away from being one
A thousand days away from winter sun
We're impatient, ever waiting
Waiting for the waiting to be done
One winter closer
To being one

I hate the mask I wear
Behind my paper lines,
I hate the mask I wear
And all my un-rhymed rhymes.
I hate the fact that I'm some ghost
Who bleeds black ink onto my white host!
I hate the fact that I harbor my words
To the ships out at sea that all go unheard!
I hate the fact that I am a mess
And all I have left are these words of distress!

I hate that I try to make my self depressed
In order to write a poem that will truly impress!
I hate that I have to sit here everyday
Trying to write my problems away
Only to find
That behind the smeared lines
That I still am battling with my old demons!
That I still am battling with doubt!
Oh I hardly take time to care about the seasons
I just care about the problems I have going on now.

-And even at my best I'm just someone who can't write
And all my poems are a mask for my bloodiest fights
But tonight
I hope someone turns on the lights
And finds my dead corpse rotting off to the side,
I hope that for once it will all be fine
And my heart will stop beating before I start losing my mind-

I can feel your kisses
Like an antidote
Fill my blood
And the oxygen in my lungs

Pushing the toxins out
Along with the pain
And poison
Your perfect balm
Your healing hand

I know I'm going to marry you

My prayer - sitting in the car before work

God,
Please make today better.
It sounds selfish but
I kinda want something amazing to happen today.
Something that makes it impossible for me to be miserable.
Like Ryan.
I want a miracle God.
Like Ryan.
Something to make the day less heavy.
Something to make the time less slow.
Anything to cheer me up right now God.
A miracle.