I'm supposed to get eggs.
Cereal.
Bread - yeah, we need bread. We always need bread.
Milk.
Logan wanted chocolate syrup.
I've gotta get chocolate syrup.
I don't want to get out of bed.
I want to stay here - I know here, I understand how my home works, and I want to stay where it's safe.
You know, considering the fact that I'm no longer protected.
I want those arms around my waist again.
Those surprise hugs from behind.
Stupid pick-up lines and sarcasm and Tumblr posts and soft rants and loud rants and everything else that I don't have with her any more.
But I-
I've gotta get chocolate syrup.

i don't
even know him.
i only recognize his vitals
rapidly diminishing on
the screen before me.

i'm wrong, this is wrong,
everything is wrong.
i'm trespassing on
vulnerability.

he knows;
he gets it --
how this place
can make you
feel like hell
without even
trying.

if belief were among
my faults, indeed
it would **** me to
scroll again  
        (and again)
through artificial
papyrus, through
reeds and lights
and electronics;

because every
new click
brings another
wrench.
tug at the
heartstrings;
what heartstrings?
these leave nothing behind.

because of you,
i am destroyed.
i am assimilated,
i am protein.
because of you,
i am denatured.

turn down your flame, nolan,
there isn't enough fuel
for you to burn so
brightly
for so
long.

I like this girl.
Granted, I'm not supposed to like her - I'm not even allowed to like girls, as if they think I can just avoid addressing my sexuality.
But I like her.

silence
three quarters up
an excuse to leave behind
what i felt is worth
leaving this silence to forget itself
to forget that i ever
once wanted a smooth path
bricks lain out to find patterns
in the cracks

my name's on the gold card she said
membership went straight to her head
told her *******
turned into a cough
smiled, said thank you instead

So, there's this musical that I've become obsessed with.
That's normal, right?
Yeah.
I suppose.
Naturally, I've been listening to the soundtrack.
Over and over and overandoverandover because that's what I do.
I replay things until they're so old I can't bring myself to care.
But that isn't the focus of this one - that'll be covered another time, when I have a chance, when I've got a life.
A song on this soundtrack that I seem to favor is titled "Waving Through A Window", and I'm just amazed by the artistry of this particular song. It's so focused, guys.
It's real.
The singer is trapped behind a personality he's built up for himself, you know?
It reminds me of me - trapped behind a hypothetical "window" of sorts, fighting myself just to get out and be seen for once.
But there's also that fear of not being liked, of not being accepted, because I'm really a horribly numb human and I don't want to scare anybody away.
So I guess I'll just keep waving through this ******* window.