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17h · 37
Impasse
How do you tell someone close
You don’t love them anymore?
How do you let them know
All the years that have gone before
Are too filled with hurtful words
Piercing you to your core
That several months of “trying”
could never even the score

How do you say after 20 plus years
What a weight their presence brings?
How do you trust them with your fears
when their presence a heaviness brings?

How do you break the bonds that bind
When they’ve broken the truest you?

Despair is the only fate I find…
To answer these questions, I haven’t a clue.
When you broke into the home of me
I said “I love you” and gave you the key
Later you thought to return it
as shards were cutting our feet
Return?! You did not see
It secured to your heart as roots of a tree.

Though now our feet have traversed
through many miles & spaces & lives
& our hearts have grown, are submersed
in a couple or four loves (or five?)
Those wounds now healed, with callouses grown. . .
Yet I think you still own the key to my home.

Those shards of glass knives
That sliced us apart
I swept into a furnace
Aflame in my heart
Once molten I shaped them
into fanciful art
Now hung on the walls
(mingling sweet with the ****)
of spaces held secret,
where memories restart.

Is there a chance
You’d ever unearth that key?
Do you even desire
To wander the halls of me?
I wish you would find it
Re-enter this door
Make me your home
and more. . .

Would you run through your night
Lock us inside
Together we’d hide
In the rooms of our minds
Together we’d hang
New art we would form
Together we’d wake
To a fresh beautiful morn.

Come, a new key we’ll cut
Find fantasies fresh
Build a shared house
for hearts long enmeshed.
Originally published April 18, 2022 | extensive rewrite August 14, 2025
None of it really matters
long enough
to tear my heart away…
I am
Always returning to you

All it takes is a thought,
A sense  of you
hearing you, seeing you…
everything evaporates
and you remain
i always come back to you

Will you come back to me?
I miss you
I love you
  
I could choose to converse
with various friends & acquaintances...
But it’s not them I crave to better know.
  
I’m so touched out!
children grabbing grasping,
pushing, pulling, dog-piling my body,
Unaware of where their bodies end
and mine begins...
Yet I crave that single touch
whose lightest brush
would send electric awareness
fluttering through my every nerve...
that single touch,
now farther than mere miles away.
  
My ears are worn with overlapping chatter
in competition for my listening attention
sounds bombard with needs... yet
that single voice that sings throughout my dreams
Is so long silent…deceased to me, I fear.
  
Friends and family repeatedly profess
Their deep true love for me.
(yes, those children hold my love!)
Yet, it is you to whom my heart returns
It is YOU from whom I seek heart-stopping reminders:
“I DO love you”
  
It's you I need
It’s you
always you
First published 4th Apr 2022 | Edited 23rd Oct 2023
2d · 26
Phoenix to Ashes
Phoenix in the Ashes?
That dirge to the heartbreak of loss,
“Ashes of Life” echoes in my mind of late:
“Love has gone and left me
And the days are all alike”
I
wallowing,
sunk in my sackcloth and ashes…

No flaming garb of vibrant red, instead shades of grey and black course coal
serve as my meager cloak & bed.
Those tongues of fire were so enchanting...
Now their bright blazing flames have died;
as smoke-filled skies remain to choke my breath–ashen
asphyxiation.
Amid charred lifeless trunks which
bely past vibrant verdant days
I wander awaiting years gone grey, a future
to further lay waste & topple the broken snags–to earth returned. . .
wait
a pause. . .
A glint of ruby red!
a single feather surviving?
molten scarlet letter “A” to lift from the ****?
witch who will not be burned up,
who cannot be consumed?
Has that resilient phoenix truly met a last cremation?
Or will her red wings yet arise renewed
Up from the “Ashes of Life”?
First published 7th Apr 2022 | edited Aug 13, 2025
quote from "Ashes of Life" by Edna St. Vincent Millay
You are my waking thought,
my hopes and fears throughout the day.
You are assurance, peace… and loss.
You are my heartbeat and my breath,
my heartbreak and my tears.
You are each song that I hear or sing,
tunes of passion & love, of hurt, anger &
sorrow, of satisfaction, completion & joy.
You are the lift in my step,
my upturned smiling lips.
You are the glistening drops of missing pieces
hidden in my eyes. . .
You are their sparkle, too.
You’re the kiss of wind or wet dew on my cheek,
the crisp air of spring, scent of cherry blossoms,
the sweet taste of beloved memories
the sour sting of hope lost.
What more can I say?
You are the moments of each day
from my first consciousness on waking,
through the ticking seconds as they pass
and still seeking out my sleeping dreams.
Is it any wonder you are the flame
igniting my happiness?
& You are the absence collapsing
my aching heart? You
…my desired Someday
…always my Today
First published 8th Apr 2022 | edited Aug 13, 2025
2d · 24
String
These strings of thought
are all knotted
I’m too hung up on you
the maze just dead-ends
nothing to lead back …
the more I try the more impossible
this mess
messy strings of thought
******* in seeking
hope?
I cannot sleep on this mess of knots
& cannots…
Would you? Could you untangle
these confused strings of thought?
They’re all the same color—
the color of you & me
in our memory
I wonder if you ever knew
the dreams you drew
into the palm of your hand
when first you drew my body close?
Those dreams they haunt
my silent screams eternally
as I long for you…
Desire taunts my heart tonight
as you have drawn away
to further stray
from these arms that reach to claim
(falsely claim) you as my Someday…
Though false these dreams,
they refuse to fade…
No, nothing can sway my mind
from thoughts of your palms
claiming my heart
grasping my waist
pulling me into your need…
Here pulsing a rhyme along this page
the beat of our music harnesses truth
(You still need me; I still love you)…

claim me, draw me, dream me

i wait
4d · 23
Believe them
No one listens
to the girls, the women

Who will hear their stories?
Who will believe?
Who will care?

The counselor didn’t
“You were old enough to know”
Closest friends?
No, not really.
they’d rather find excuse,
minimize the wound…
The pastor?
he who possibly did even worse?
he who perceives in black & white
& also blames the victim?
(she was drunk?)
(her skirt—too short)
(she chose to be there)
(SEDUCTRESS!)
clearly not the zealous parents,
judgmental.
or the jealous other…he who claims ownership

& clearly not the voters

so I ask, WHO
Who will listen?
Who will hear?
Who will believe these stories dredged
from the depths of pain?

Those fears…nested in denial
their silence…
Those buried secrets
greedily devour heart & soul
while softly blooms faint hope
of a someday when
Enough who care
finally will believe…

No one listens
to the girls, the women

Believe Them!
Aug 6 · 17
Confession
Rubyredheart Aug 6
god, how much I’ve missed you
ever since the start
more than you could ever know
I wish we weren’t apart
are there ways to demonstrate
how strong is this desire?
It’s only ever always you
who lights & fuels my fire
Desire years-long strong for you
who forever rules my heart
try as I might, still lost the fight
I can’t be where you are
someday I dream
You’ll return to me,
you who burns within my soul
Show me you still care for me
Your love will make me whole
Aug 2 · 40
Held
Rubyredheart Aug 2
I know you hold
So many aches inside your heart
I know you care
So deeply
You hold so many hearts
Close
Your heart is big
But no heart can hold the burdens
of the world
Yet you try
I know this of you
Please know, my heart holds yours
I care
Aug 2 · 37
Insatiable
Rubyredheart Aug 2
I want to go back in time
I want you to be mine
& me to be only ever always yours
I want yours & mine to be ours
I want what cannot be
an alternate reality
as my now & my future
I want you to be in my life
More
Aug 2 · 41
If
Rubyredheart Aug 2
If
My heart would race
Flip-flop
Stop
If you
Walked through that door
As if I were a teen again
Aug 1 · 98
I won’t say
Rubyredheart Aug 1
don’t wanna make it weird…
but thanks for being real
I realize you don’t express feelings lightly

I won’t tell you “thank you”
Don’t wanna make it weird
Yet i am…thankful…
I treasure your trust
I treasure knowing you
Probably already made it weird.
Aug 1 · 44
Time & Secrets
Rubyredheart Aug 1
What are the secrets
You promise yourself never
to reveal?
They are safe with me…
hmm, but would I be safe with them?
Perhaps that is the truer reason why
you hide the thoughts I wish you’d say.
Truthfully, I just miss you
in every way, every day…
I’d be your week of recovery
If only fates allowed…
Mmm, though we both know
I’d never be satisfied
With just a week
I still want a lifetime
even that would be too short a time
to know your touch
to touch your heart
to hold your heart in mine
to have all mine be yours
No, a week would never suffice
Still, it would be nice…
Famished here in this desert of nothing
I dream of an hour, or just mere minutes
in your presence.
I count my wealth in moments
spent immersed with you
(& your secrets)
Love
Jul 31 · 28
Home
Rubyredheart Jul 31
I would make it home for you
I would BE Home for you
Not just “would be”
don’t you see?
I AM for you…
I want to be your
comfort, constant, safe, release
through the changes.
yes, I too fear change…
see? …our fears are held
warm in the palm of my hand
soft your skin, soft your lips
warm to the touch of my hand…
safe, home, calm, held,
Loved
Home
WE are home
Rubyredheart Jul 31
Why
Why can’t it just be okay
why must I give excuse or explanation
why does society not accept
that I just want to be alone?
Why does guilt weigh heavy
Why can’t…

I just want time alone

Is that so wrong?

Yet even now, at 10pm
guilt weighs heavy
on these shoulders
as I rest
Alone
**** societal rules
Jul 29 · 55
Cynical
Rubyredheart Jul 29
Airport billboard read:
“Someday is Any day”
“**** that” I say
My someday
is never
Whatever
I’m used to disappointment
Jul 29 · 58
Mourning
Rubyredheart Jul 29
When a vision dies
While the love that wrote it breathes eternal
The heart cries
Tears trickle down worn cheeks as sharpened ******
A sorrowful mourning

How can i reconcile Love and Loss?
What to do, Knowing how I must let go?
These tendrils of my need cling so tightly
‘round and through each essential part
of my life?
I understand why…
I just don’t know HOW
Did YOU find a way?
Published 10th Apr 2022 | edited July 29, 2025
Jul 29 · 51
Icaria Falls
Rubyredheart Jul 29
I donned those waxen wings of hope,
Sought to woo the sun…
Too late, too hot I learned
Iron weights alone the rip cord released
As wings melted with nothing to replace
& wax melded to my skin
I wept
Molten feathers trickling down my back
Seeping to my heart
Filled with greying lead
Oh, for lasting, lifting wings!
of titanium, stronger, lighter,
Elevating
To be as Neil Armstrong
In a rocket to the moon
safe landing assured

Oh that these life choices
might be enough to woo the moon
or Winged Mercury
Closer to the shining sun
Light and love
Rather now, as plummeting Icaria
I am a weeping candle,
flickering
faintly
failing
falling
forgotten
Published 11th Apr 2022 | Edited 26th Jun 2023 | edited July 29, 2025
Jul 27 · 41
Ageless
Rubyredheart Jul 27
I’ve always loved
every day & every way
you ripped through the safeguards
of my heart & soul

do it again
again & again

you will never grow old
you will never be repulsed
my love will always draw you
inside

ageless,
this weakness for you

return
Jul 27 · 24
Feeling
Rubyredheart Jul 27
I thought I wandered into your tomorrows
the way you wandered into mine.
the opened gift revealed just sorrows
the kind surviving space & time.
I still wish that I could borrow
memories of yesteryear.
yet it matters not how far I go
I can’t seem to find you near.
now I think that you might be fighting
harsh histories of your own.
if only I could put in writing
assurances you are not alone.
I know not the right way to love you
cannot find how to be your friend.
regardless know these thoughts ring true
my care remains to the very end.
With much love always,
Jul 26 · 60
Friendship Unrequited
Rubyredheart Jul 26
I’d rather message you…
Instead I told my friend
about the decrease in red signage in this area.
I’d rather tell you…
instead I texted him
about the coffee shop eves-dropping
leading me to learn a bit of trivia
(fact-checking a statement overheard
I found it to be only half true).

I realized this morning
from a cordial text exchange
with a casual acquaintance
(Siri mixed his name up with my son’s so I apologized for the accidental call)
that his conversation was more engaged
than those with you.
I mourn that you, once counted close,
share less than my son’s classmate’s father.
I realized THIS
Is why I fear sending you these thoughts…
Perhaps it’s not really friendship you wish to hold?
but what is it you DO hope to retain?
Is it memory, possibility,
a thread of connection (never to be strengthened)?
All I know for certain—
this sinking disappointment
of friendship unrequited.

I wish you’d share
the heart-truths of you
as do the other friends I choose
to hold Close.
I’m lousy with small talk…
Jul 26 · 53
Vibrations
Rubyredheart Jul 26
Ah, Baby, it feels so good
but never is enough
I’m greedy, needy, wanting more
insatiable to my core

I need your strong body
need your electric skin
need your lips on my lips
eyes gazing deep within
I need your body in my body
your soul submersed in mine
I need our tongues embracing
words as intoxicating wine

Ah, Baby, a girl has needs
& it feels so good
but nothing feeds this hunger
soothes the famine in my heart
no thing, no being satiates desire
Satisfaction ONLY you impart

Ah, Baby, it feels so good
& better remembering you
relaxed now after, I wonder
Do you hunger for me too?
Jul 26 · 49
Despite All
Rubyredheart Jul 26
Even though you cannot be
My today or my tomorrow
My soon or maybe Someday
Even if an Alternate Reality for us
would hold a vastly different You & Me
You are still & always will be
my Somebody
Even if I can’t be truly yours,
YOU ARE MY PERSON
You forever rule my heart.
Originally published 11th Apr 2022 | Edited 19th Jul 2023 | edited July 26, 2025
Jul 26 · 57
Beyond Reason
Rubyredheart Jul 26
Hopelessly fallen into the well of you
‘Til it matters not what the mind knows to be true
Thoughts & desires for more, ever more break through
Filling each sentient moment with cries for you

Love by no reason or logic
drives passion to trudge the vast desert
Still seeking your refreshing oasis
In some realm or time or place
Still seeking to match breath and pulse
In time with your heart and soul
Though futile the promise may be,
Still it remains as truth:
I DO and will always love you.
Originally published 11th Apr 2022 titled “Unreasonable” | edited July 26, 2025
Jul 25 · 38
Fractured
Rubyredheart Jul 25
Is it like having another child?
As parents age, it might be…
Yet different, too.

With each year we’re further formed
More hardened in our ways
85 years stiffens more than joints
and loss is painful
whether a father, spouse, (lover?)
or mobility & independence
The loss of oneself is hardest
85 years of grit & drive won’t be broken
by a couple of falls & fractures

Maybe Benjamin Button had it better
since babies & elders both need aid anyway
or was it dementia with a different name?
She fears that most—
the loss of mind & memory
I relate (memories are treasures)
I’d add cancer to the list—
long drawn out pain,
increasing dependence…and loss

Sometimes mercy is allowed…
but that’s my thoughts
how I might deal with cancer,
not her (Christian) way…
Ironic my pro-choice response
“your body, your life, your choice”
respects her “pro-life” (and suffering) perspective,
facilitating independence
as I live with the fear she’ll fall again
spend an hour crawling for help again
suffer long & lonely again

Yes, it’s like having another child
my own Benjamin Button born
I must prepare a room
and my mind
rambling thoughts…she doesn’t have cancer…but dad did… aging comes in different forms of loss…and being flexible is harder when arthritis destroyed the joints
Jul 24 · 165
Time Misses…
Rubyredheart Jul 24
Downhill spiral
Thoughts in mire roll
A mess
I confess
Obsess
Over the next
Is the ache
from a mistake?
Because I take?
or just the flu?
I’m missing you!
There’s no right
Submit? or fight?
Morning to night
Just wasting time
Asphyxiated mine
Broken rhyme
it all is wrong
an off-key song
Absence prolong
What this means?
splitting seams
Shattered dreams
it’s simple, plain
You’re on the brain
Through joy and pain
Time misses you
As I do, too
Originally published as “10:44” 13th Apr 2022 | Edited 26th Jun 2023 | edited July 23, 2025
Jul 24
Eve
Rubyredheart Jul 24
Eve
Which fruit do I desire?
the safe & bland, nutritious?
or the sweet & sour, succulent,
full-flavored
with danger, risks & hints of bitter?

Feed my flicking tongue the ****
Pucker my lips, Sparkling Serpent!
Raise me up
With your webbed glorious wings
Soar me high
Grant me harvest with a zing,
Pierce me with the blazing sword  
Tease with tempting words  
Then grace me with the safe and sweet
suckle me with your delights,
fine finish, soothing dessert
to settle once again this stormy passion.

The knowledge of your goodness
& your captivating evil, your naughty side
ignites my hunger for the nourishment
only You can satisfy.
So Mighty Winged Dragon,
take me in the garden
when night has fallen dark
Feed me of your fruits
until we see & KNOW & love  
that we are naked here together.

I, soul crafted from your side, request:
be my ride.
Bend with me that tree
of knowledge and that tree of life.
As they Merge, become as one  
let our souls & bodies, hearts Collide.
In this perfection we will no longer hide.

Come, my glittering Adym, Take my hand
We, Creators, can yet conjure
Perfection here within our garden mythical
Feast with me in Eden
with tastefully poisonous eaze,
I will be your soulmate & your temptress, Eve.
Originally published 14th Apr 2022 | Edited 26th Jun 2023 | edited July 23, 2025
Jul 23 · 42
Answer to the Siren
Rubyredheart Jul 23
Love of my Longing, I will be all that your passion seeks
I hear your siren song wafting through the clouds
(Falling with a startling shiver
as icy raindrops on my parted lips)
In wavelengths I alone can know
Your beckon binds me with the softest silken bow
My willing heart is tied to you.
Dash me on the edges of your body.
Plunge me in the sea, down into your darkest depths
until I taste the salt of you.
Capture me, snare me in your trap.
Let me be your hidden pearl, your secret vice.
Surely you must know, since long ago
ensnared by you I am.
Phantom of the cliffs along the shore…
I, offering willing, then, now, and forevermore,
answer your siren call
Yes!
Originally published 14th Apr 2022 | Edited 26th Jun 2023 | edited July 23,2025
Jul 23 · 49
Take Me, Love
Rubyredheart Jul 23
Ravish me!
In the shower, on the couch
Release the animal inside
Take me on the kitchen island
Open wide for your drive of passion
Bend me over in your office on the desk
Let me hear your grunts and groans of pleasure
I will rip you naked
Gaze with lust upon your natural core
Grasp my diamond heart with talons fierce
it will not bleed within your hold.
Take flight with me
We’ll leave troubles of the week behind
As we find exhilaration and release
In these our bonds of instinctual need
Scatter with me handfuls of seconds
vulnerable between us.
In dualities of pleasure
Take us to the perilous edge
Release the beast that longs to play
Let us lie in fields of green, in daisy lanes
rush panting hard through jungles deep
Submerse me in the raging seas of you in me
For just a moment of imagination
Let us be happy
Soaring as the hawks in flight,
diving with the dolphins.
Come be at peace with me & I will sleep
In your arms my missing heart will be forgotten
buried safe in your love.
Yes, take me, if only for the briefest moment
Take me, Love,
be mine
this frozen moment in time
Originally published 15th Apr 2022 | edited July 23, 2025
Jul 23 · 249
I Love You
Rubyredheart Jul 23
I fill my happiest dreams with you.

Loved you then, loved you since, love you now.
Over and over, you envelop my thoughts.
Valued is each moment, memory, dream of you.
Every knowledge of you deepens my love.

You bring peace and joy to my days.
Our hearts are entwined.
Unabashedly I seek more of you.
Originally published 16th Apr 2022 | edited July 22, 2025
Jul 23 · 50
Haliene Concert
Rubyredheart Jul 23
I’ll be wishing for you there with me
As I’m dancing
(shadowed by awkwardly watching eyes)
This music belongs to dreams
That’s why I don’t want to share
(don’t want another there)
But it is what it is.
Just know, I’ll be (always am)
Missing you
Originally published 16th Apr 2022 | edited July 22, 2025
Jul 23 · 51
Dream Someday Eternal
Rubyredheart Jul 23
You write the moments of my days
Wake me in the nights
Come to me in secret silences
with assurances unspoken
quieting my inner spirit
reaching in to touch my calm
unafraid to counter my tumultuous fires
with your peaceful deep dark skies

You are the crests and valleys
of my tsunamic passion
With abandon you dive deep
to hear my truest thoughts
You see the dark green depths of my inner seas
With eyes to pause and feast
Caring that I care

I love how you still love me
Yet with inner weeping I wonder:
Why does my dive into you
Strike upon a frozen river?
Never mind!
I’ll skate upon my dreams of you
until spring thaws return
(will warmth someday burn?)
Yes, I’ll skate with free abandon
along your icy river surface
knowing below is so much more—
currents of you to explore

Someday…yes, perhaps someday
I’ll dive in deep, find more of you
Maybe someday
our brackish waters again might swirl
Together
Our estuary tides finally rise & recede
Under the same bright moon
In this someday dream eternal
Originally p ublished 18th Apr 2022 | edited July 22, 2025
Jul 21 · 65
Naked View
Rubyredheart Jul 21
I desired you
Naked
Playfully tugged the towel
tucked around your waist
revealing to my hungry eyes
all of you
Too late I knew
at least for the briefest moment
annoyance crossed your face
I hope my eyes bespoke
the adoration in my heart
I hope you forgave that boundary crossed
I wanted to see you
Naked
I still do
Naked body
Naked soul
Every part of you
your naked whole
always I adore
Jul 19 · 57
for only you
Rubyredheart Jul 19
I love my body
and I want you to love it too.
Always I have been selective
Guarded…but you…
I want you to touch, caress, hold
and love my body
as I love & hold your mind & heart & soul
Forever
I’ve saved the heart of me
for only you
Jul 17 · 57
Love Sign
Rubyredheart Jul 17
Shine a light into my darkness
This chill needs your warmth,
A beacon of assurance
through this thick despondent fog
My heart, irrational, refuses to abandon hope  
The slightest candle flame
Promise that love might remain
Would spark a smile, fire my heart heat,
Settle me, empower me
wandering through the nighttime dreams
You fill the missing pieces with your peace
when I know your love beams on me,
when your love sign shines
I can see a way home.
Originally published 18th Apr 2022 | Edited 26th Jun 2023 | edited July 17, 2025
Jul 17 · 70
Controlled
Rubyredheart Jul 17
Suffocated
I can’t breath
Held in his vice grip
Controlled

LET ME MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS!

bursting with repressed
ME-ness
I need to BE
(not controlled)
Jul 17 · 61
Superpower
Rubyredheart Jul 17
The child asked:
“What new superpower
As yet unseen among the heroes known
Would you wish to wield?”

I contemplated, concluded, responded:
“Peace, Contentment, Happiness—
for myself & on those with whom I interact.”
Musing, “if my aura could do that,
Then perhaps wars would cease…”

Unimpressed & skeptical
the child named my likely nemesis
if I held such powers.

He’s probably right.
No matter the goodness we offer,
not everyone will accept.
Some just want the war.
Regardless, I’ll still take an aura strong
for peace
Jul 17 · 49
Another Piece
Rubyredheart Jul 17
Just the thought of you
Brings much-needed peace
In this moment of glistening pupils
So, thank-you
For your healing presence
In my heart.
Originally published 20th Apr 2022 | Edited 26th Jun 2023
Jul 17 · 38
Open
Rubyredheart Jul 17
If I built a door would you enter,
or deadbolt from your side,
cross it double with thick iron bars,
& lock me out again?
I ask because
I’ve long been taking measurements
& cutting wood…
I will not build a door into a room where I’m not wanted.
I do not wish to trouble you (The One I Love)
with doorways undesired.
This wall is thick, the doors just open into nowhere,
or open not at all…
Maybe I can build no more than just a skylight
through which the wish of hope might not even shine…
Still, I’ll cut & measure.
Perhaps, Someday I’ll find something Open by your hand…
or perhaps that, too,
is not in the future

for now, secretly I hope that Nashville
is a failed connection
and that the next
offers something real.
Originally published 20th Apr 2022 as “If” | Edited 4th Feb 2023 | edited July 16, 2025
Jul 17 · 50
Missing You
Rubyredheart Jul 17
I miss you so!
Your heart pulse fails to beat
on my spirit’s lonesome drum
Your breath no longer brushes my soul
with happy peaceful hues
Where did you go? & why?
My longing is lonely for your aura,
lonely for your loving care & desire.
Would you not hold me
in your heart and mind tonight?
I miss you
as always!
Originally published 20th Apr 2022 | Edited 26th Jun 2023 | edited July 16, 2025
Jul 15 · 39
On My Mind
Rubyredheart Jul 15
The tiniest flicker of…
Fluttering ember, a possibly maybe might be Hope
Sparked for a second within my tonight
Rapidly darkened by doubts and reason
So many maybe’s…variables won’t align
There’s not enough time
Hope smothered by darkness of
“Unlikely”
No tears I shed as my mind sped to
“Is mother losing her mental acuity?”
& questions of “What’s next?” preside
as sorrow hides beneath plans of what should be.
So what I wish would be again slides
to despair…
Even if I am, you won’t likely be there…
Anyway, what’s an hour to eternity?
an eternity of longing
Jul 14 · 52
Dilemma
Rubyredheart Jul 14
I know I don’t have you
but I don’t want to lose you.

My heart compresses and aches
and shakes and breaks
at the mere thought of pain too great
for you to stake your love on me.
The gift I need would make you bleed.
Yet shattered I plead for a sign, a seed.
Might even the tiniest sliver of you be mine?
I’m sorry! So sorry! How I stab and slice
with each roll of the dice.
You can’t pay the price and I should think twice.
This hunger is strong, has gnawed decades long
but you are far gone.
My desire cut you, bled you out,
Destroyed each last sprout of hope I fear
Only my doubt is left to muck about
in this drought of you.

Still all I want to do
is mend, befriend, heal, renew
Converse, embrace & always love you.
My chest heaves with a sigh
for drops of your love I cry
to know more of you, still I try,
I treasure your deep diamond core
It’s you I’ve always adored
Unsatisfied, I want more.
Instead all I taste
Salty tears on my face
and a huge empty waste
where you self-erased.

I know I don’t have you
so why can’t I leave this place?
I don’t want to lose you
Still
Originally published 21st Apr 2022 | edited July 14, 2025
Jul 14 · 75
Stone Heart
Rubyredheart Jul 14
Fashioned to a piercing Arrowhead…
Don’t “tough-love” me! I’ve heard it said,
A good whipping was proof he cared.
I’ve knelt in confession to prepare
For a switch lashing my behind,
discipline—“for love” she piously chimed.
Caring hearts don’t char their object of affection
Or carry knives to slice away obsession
Either love me tender, love me sweet;
or speak honestly—
you have no heart for me.
Originally published 26th Apr 2022
Jul 13 · 44
Burning Bridges
Rubyredheart Jul 13
I’ve long believed in keeping bridges,
Building them, maintaining them,
Rarely setting them aflame—
only the most detrimental structures
and even then with greatest care…
Yet of late it seems some pyromanic demon
Deep within my psyche has escaped
Wielding a fiery weapon haplessly
against these structures in my life.
Soon I fear all will burn
At my own demon hand
and I will tumble to the seething rapids
Far below
If so, I wonder:
Where will the waters carry me?
Who will survive?
Can I stop
setting fire to this bridge
on which I live?
Jul 12 · 78
Evaporating Dreams
Rubyredheart Jul 12
In the waking,
In my dreams
I miss your presence
Everywhere it seems
To sit beside you close,
to hear your thoughts…
It’s you I want the most
but you are gone.
You’ll return to living
Half a world away
and I’ll return to living
blanketed by grey.
Despite my hopes & efforts
I still just cannot see
A path into your now.
I mourn what will not be.
Jul 11 · 56
Maze
Rubyredheart Jul 11
Sleepless, congested, thoughts a blur
Now through the haze I see a maze–
Wandering paths that tease
but never lead to you.
Are these imaginations of your love
just a fevered dream,
conjured by my weakened mind
to feed this ravenous lust
ever aflame for your heart?
Even as I’m slipping on the edge of sleep
my heart and mind plunge deep
Into the aching longing felt for you.
Then the questions:
Do you despise or fear me?
Are you indifferent or disgusted
learning my desire?
Why do you hide yourself from me?
Perhaps my intensity drives you away?
Could it yet be that somewhere deep deep down
inside the smallest darkest pocket of your heart
you’ve tucked away and buried
a pulsing breathing love still felt for me?
Undying…yes, I think this might be the truth
that frightens you
hiding in the depths of this dizzying maze
eluding my desire,
eluding discovery
blocking me from knowing
whether that crushed love
Remains.
Originally published 27th Apr 2022 | Edited 30th Jun 2022 | edited July 11, 2025
Jul 11 · 44
Sending Love
Rubyredheart Jul 11
I wanted just to briefly say
How much I thought of you today
I hope you sense my love and care
Throughout your day, as if I’m there.
Always in my heart
With Love,
Originally published 27th Apr 2022
Jul 11 · 90
I Gift You a Star
Rubyredheart Jul 11
As my sun sets elsewhere it glows bright and hot
& in another somewhere  rises fresh and new
in soft pastels or bright blushing hues
Now as this plot seeps into dusk
I whisper a missive along
May the lost sun rays this day
shine and flutter on you
where & whenever you are
May the breezes carry my calming palms
to rest in the stillness with you
To quiet your worries
& sleep in your soul for a second or two
May your warming sun deliver this warming touch I send .

May it carry a kiss as well gently placed
wherever you most desired my lips to dust your skin
& stay however long you need
My lips are still and forever yours
the sunshine knows

Our little star’s brightness shares with you, too,
my mind full of thoughts & the wish to listen for you.

So go outside
Soak in the sun
catch my essences of love.
Originally published 28th Apr 2022 | edited July 10, 2025
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