Yes
Don’t we all just want to feel
****
Smart
Attractive
Desirable
& mostly LOVED…
Don’t we all want to know
We’re valued
Admired
Appreciated &
Mostly LOVED

don’t we all just need to know
We matter?

I matter…I am ****…I am important…I am LOVED!
You matter! You are ****.  You are important! You are LOVED!
So don’t
Fade away
We MATTER
Always…
We all need to know
We matter to someone…
You are everything to me

a secret little pill
missing…
new gym & vaguely anonymous
“coworker”...
to count a few favorite things
Months
long since turned into
years. . .
Indifference (here, too. . .here, too)
When the only feeling mustered is a shrug. . .
Secrets aren’t the problem.
Still. . .counting, questioning, Collecting
Baskets full of observations
(adult easter eggs)
What really matters?
Just that ticking clock
Ticking ticking metronome
Keeping time for bird songs
(a little birdy told
of secret observations)
Tick, tick, tick
as away again slips
another secret cialis
(shhh, sealed lips. . .
shhhh)

Is it external factors
Halting more chapters?
Or an innate absence of appeal?
Collapsing love once real…
Empty sorrow
Of endless empty tomorrows
Piercing heart is all I feel


March 1, 2025

Pausing mid-conversation
with a bi-weekly buddy
he interrupts my **** to say
“The cat spilled her water”
…
so I fill & clean and wonder:
why the **** tell me?
(it took more time than sopping up the spill)
…
Maid! MAID! Snap snap…
Over here Miss…& bring a rag
…
Eye roll into bed…
so ends a day of service

I read the saddest good-bye’s
From cold grey eyes
Denying a glance my way
Now
Mournful another would claim
Gifts writ in your name
for desires you could not say
Ever
The longing holds true
I’m wishing for you…
But respect holds me at bay

Aimless; trying to focus;
find I’m wandering ether-bound
Breezy lyrics ever ringing—
music in my ears, it echoes all around
Nothing yet can free reminders
aching love & numbing loss.
See their fingers clawing, reaching, helpless
for the witch they burned & tossed
Hurt & anger seething—fire-fuel
Sick that I’m the one let go
Though wings they took; Burned me…gone!
****, I’ll be their ghost flambeaux!
What’s that? Now my tonic you desire?
Now the witches brew you crave?
All that I have left to offer
are these deathly flames you gave…

So much I offer:
I would be your home…
a listening interested empathetic ear;
love, care, accepting all of you and more!
admiration, worship, undying affection,
appreciation, patience, love,
words, images, actions of deep passionate desire,
seeking to fulfill your every fantasy,
pleasure in your pleasure,
giving, understanding, long-lasting friendship
so much I have to offer
I KNOW my worth…
If you don’t, that’s on you…
others will…
just know, I’ll always care,
& you’ll always hold
My #1 position
So, if you ever really SEE me…
I have an epi pen ready…
Always,

It can’t be helped & it can’t be stopped
on my mind still naturally
Remains…
…if desired…
Always,
I am

I’ve not driven Her streets alone with thoughts of you breaking through
since those jet-lagged days here from Taiwan…
Now, driving this eve I KNOW
with Her rivers and bridges, rainy days and viewing ridges
That this City holds hidden memories long—
See? She remembers still those 2 figures who sat & talked there on the water front…
Nor did She forget the love-entrenched girl scratching out (between clients) poetic lines
composed as her magical hands worked to relax
spasmed muscles…
Ironic that nothing yet worked to soothe
a spasming heart, denied…

This Sunday, more of Her streets I will see—
Like that one I was driving to work
when heart-break broke me until I thought
I’d just drive & drive on forever… though never Arrive…
I’ve arrived…Full circle but now
Unbreakable
As again a knife breaks through the rain
driving pain
Deep
(I don’t think you saw or cared to see
the wish I wrote that we go deep…
“I want you so deep…deep inside” as Vintage Culture sang)
I guess this is all to say,
as I drive through this tired city today,
Like these murky rivers etched on the map
There flows through my mind & my veins
a story—unfinished…
never to be

I’ll not touch you
If You don’t want me to
From your words & acts I’ll take my cue
But if you flip my switch & with your okay
I’ll make your mind go numb as you sway
To my hypnotic grind when I have my way
Caressing, confessing
secret hungers that crawl beneath my skin
The need to feel you plunge within
I’m years’ deep now, excitable
Sensations beyond all you imagine
Urging me to dance that dance with your permission
But ONLY if you flip my switch
If not, have no fear
Just friends, then, here

That fiery need in your eyes
Casting white-hot fingers from coal-black pupils
That reach to burn my clamoring hands
Licking the taste of desire that seeps,
No…Bursts from my tingling nerves
As I run my fingers through your hair
Across your cheek, cupping jawline, tracing lips
Drawing your strong neck closer for a lingering kiss
The excitement floods my body
Straddling your lap, igniting a dance of hungry passion…
the truest fuel remains that burning in your eyes
Your lips distraught with deep desire
to hold this raging fire
Forever
Watch and feel and blaze intense
In rhythm to my rocking grinding hips
and with your starving ember eyes
Turn me on
Fire

I would be very shy at first
If you, too, were timid,
we might side-step desire
while conversation pervades
evades
the cravings of our longing bodies
for an hour or two…
all it would take for you
to teasingly linger fingers on my thigh,
I’d softly sigh,
draw nigh, face nestled close against your neck
a dance beginning as I linger on your lap
Legs around, as sound erupts
Expressions of a need far beyond words
Passion, need & longings
rule the ravings of our bodies… cruel
craving
with an aching need
desire for the pressing, rocking, swaying as we rhythmically
merge our mutual want into choreographed memories
persisting, resisting
moving on into
Times and places far away
Where you sway
The maybes & somedays to bow into
The never-again-to-be (lost, forgotten memory)
Still
I’d rather be grasping the bedding
& crying out in ****** passion
as you find ****** satisfaction
in me
Than let hope waste away
Long forgotten memory
Dismissed
I wanted to love you
(Maybe I still do)
So I’m sorry you said never
and I’m sorry I couldn’t wait forever
I’m sorry that this could likely sever
chances or hope of together. still,
whatever may be, I’ll ever
be grasping again the bedcover
moaning in pleasure as dreams of you
wash over
My Every reality
for you…

Don’t you know you ****** with my heart
Don’t you know you ripped it apart
Don’t you know I’ll make a new start
I can turn this chaos to art

Over fifteen years of friendship you tossed
Still I didn’t count you as lost
Patiently melting thick frost
‘Til back into my life you crossed

Was it all just a game to you?
Will I forever mean shame to you?
Now denied all hope to reclaim with you
The love we once both proclaimed e’er true

Yet, these tattoos proudly are worn,
Though, at times this love is a thorn,
Your friendship I never would scorn
It’s your “not in the future” I mourn

I wonder, is trust a thing of the past?
Could deep friendship not truly last?
Now it seems much has surpassed
the care you once held fast.

The rivers run dry, the rivers run dry, the rivers run dry tonight.
There’s a drought in the soul, a drought in the heart, a drought in the will to fight.
The water is turned to poison. The poison will crush your soul.
The water is turned to poison that burns up your whole
The castle collapsed to the dungeon; the dungeon is where we live
Dark and hungry and soulless with nothing left to give

I do love the feel
Of your big hard strong **** in me.
But I’m telling you
I don’t need you or your hard ****
for ****** satisfaction

Oh baby,
I know you’ve moved on
are gone
Except as …
friend? stalker? past acquaintance?
Anything but lover
Anything but confidante or soulmate…

I am stronger than I look,
Stronger than you know
Able, independent, self-loved

I am my own
“Oh god! oh god! oh my god!”

I worshipped you, loved you eternal…
now
I am my own god
I’ll miss you…but not too much
beloved ****

Burn me, drown me, take me down
A Flaming Phoenix, I’ve been around
Uproot, transplant, a new me is found
Cut me, crush me, I rise from the ground

Mistake not this fire for a coal black soul
These colorful flames are brilliant & whole
My talons and wings don’t think to control
If passion is sin, I go to Sheol

Shackle me back with those chains I wore?
I won’t scream, bite or claw, but spread wings & soar
I tried to love his cold ash before
That grit in my mouth I’ll suffer no more

Moved twenty times by sweet 16
Learned young to breathe through the in-between
Grey ashes taught how to blaze & gleam
From that dungeon I ascend as Queen