They say that wisdom comes with age
that knowledge slowly worms it's way into your mind
that each day brings forth new ideas, new connections, new moments
that molds your not fully developed brain into a somewhat more stable shape.

I have moved another year forward
now have 22 years under my belt.
22 years of jam packing tidbits and statistics
from places I've never been,
and yet that aged wisdom still escapes me. ​
I feel as though I have Benjamin Buttoned myself
to a time before I ever existed,
an empty chasm of isolation where asking a question
feels even more difficult than finding an answer.

These pieces of myself are falling away
as easily as my baby teeth fell from my mouth
that metalic taste faded like the edges of a picture
labeled summer '03.

My eyes are crinkled,
lines mark my cheeks whenever I smile,
and my mind is fogged with the things I feel
I don't know.

We decided to build a house
Made from glass dreams and ceilings of too high expectations
Laughter and secrets coated the walls
And dance parties lasted all night long.

But a storm came
With insecure winds and alcoholic rain,
And shattered the glass house.

I desperately collected the broken pieces
Slicing my hands and cutting my heart
Making my skin burn as I tried to mend the broken parts.

Worn out bandages and glue well past the expiration date
Were never going to fix this pile of glass
Though I never stopped trying
Til I noticed you had rocks in your hand
With no intention of ever putting them down.

So I let go of the glass
That forever marked my skin
And I walked away from the mess you made
Remembering to never
Build a house made of glass
Ever again.

i still hear
your 70’s folk lullabies  
every time i go to sleep
even though
i’m 154.6 miles away.

how i can i sleep when you’re always on my mind?
~
how i can i sleep when you’ve broke my heart?

This anxiety coils around my throat
preventing my burning lungs from inhaling
the happiness that surrounds me
silencing the words that dance on the tip of my tongue
until they disintegrate into an acidic nothingness that bites my cheek and
rots my teeth.

I build walls so other people can’t hurt me

Little do I know
those walls are cemented together
with the blood of my self-inflicted wounds