Does it stir something inside you
When you make young girls cry?

Do you use their tears as some type of lubricant
For your old and tired emotions
That you claim you never had?

What about when they sob and choke
On their words as they cling to your legs,
Repeating "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, please don't go."
Over and over and over again after you've made them feel like utter ****
At their most vulnerable point?

What about when their tears stain your shirts,
Because you held them during a nightmare
That involved you doing what you're doing
Right now?

Did you care at all?
Are you the monster you said you'd never be?
I think you are.

Because you got off
On my misery.
You wanted to fight
To feel strong.

You use self destructive tendencies
And manipulative tactics
To create fake battle scars
For a war that never happened.
A war that you're trying to start.

Get off on my scars,
Use my tears to get hot,
But know that your
Need to cause melancholic pain
Wherever you go
Disgusts me and those who know
This side of you
Will leave you,
Just as you left me.

Let my tears
Give you life
While I take my life back.

I hope the last tears I shed over you,
Make you smile.
Because you never deserved them.

She calls me "little bird",
Because when I'm stressed or nervous
I walk on my tip-toes,
With my arms slightly raised,
Like a bird that's about to take off.
Like I'm not meant to be on the ground for too long.

He called me "bluebird"
Because I bring happiness
Wherever I go,
Apparently.
Peace is in my nature,
Hope is in my tone.

They called me "Blackbird"
Because I sing songs so sweet
And hauntingly beautiful,
But I'm so lost
And misunderstood by most.

I am a little bird,
In a cage
With a broken wing
But I'm okay.

She calls me "little bird"
Because I am small,
But I have a lot to say.
A lot to sing.

I'll fly again.

Flock together and whisper
Quiet calls of hurt pride
And spiteful fallacies.
Whisper things uncertain
Whisper "facts" so mangled
They are made to look
Like twisted fantasy.
Whisper softly
Whisper quietly
Whisper.
Maybe that's my problem.
I've been so busy
Spouting off the truth
That they just think
This shrieking revelation
Is screaming.
While you whisper lies
I will scream the truth.
Keep your head down,
Play a game of telephone
With hushed voices.
Get ready,
Though,
Because hearts of true gold,
Not fools gold,
Will stand and hear the
"Based on real events"
Battle cry.
- I wanted to be a vigilante but instead I work a desk job (Otherwise known as "The Unreleased Works of Those With Higher Thinking (our arrogance will get us farther than you)")

I do not want
To be touched.
I do not want
You to whisper sweet nothings
Into the air,
Meant for me.

I want someone to fight the world with.
Someone to see the battle
From my eye level.
Someone to raise me up,
So I can see it from theirs.

I do not want
A lover.
I do not want
Passion.

I want fire,
And fire power.

I want a comrade in arms,
I want someone to be my equal,
I want to fight alongside
Someone in this battle of life,
And stand at their level,
And be awarded
With the same valor as them.
I want the same pain,
I want to help them with their struggles,
Because I, too, have been there and theirs.

I want to fight demons off
With a blazing dagger
To protect my friend,
My colleague,
This person I want to stand up and fight with.

Do not mistake me
For a girl who wants
To be a princess.
Who wants to be a fairy.
A goddess.

I do not need the spoils of war.
I need the breath of fresh air,
The honor,
The knowing I have done right by my friends.

I do not want things and gifts and shiny bobbles.
I want to know
That through the thick mustard gas shrouded fog,
When it clears and my vision returns and oxygen finds my lungs once more,
That I can stand by someone,
And in turn they may stand by me.

And together we will feel horror at the trenches,
But when the light of day finds us,
When the enemy's white flag is raised,
We'll have each other,
And in that, even after waking up drenched in cold sweat from the PTSD-induced night terrors,
We will have peace.

Tonight, I spoke into the darkness,
No stars to light my way,
       The black void all encompassing

   My words drifting up in ribbons,
          I waited for something, anything to happen

              I felt a rumble that was akin to ripples emanating from a drop of water hitting a puddle

        I was small next to the impossible,
And when it spoke back, it changed me
      
        The blank canvas of stark black was pierced by blades of light,
    The sky becoming a shutter in a rain storm
           Blowing open and closed
       The words came and wrapped themselves across my body in its entirety
        Constricting my air flow

             I felt myself shatter
  An implosion of feeble glass
       Ricocheting through a skeleton of paper, reflecting the brightness above inside ripped skin

                I was nothing.
                I didn't exist.
                I floated in an incomprehensible place that had no end, no walls

     No ceiling or floor

            Just illumination in every direction

                    I opened my eyes
  
    And was blinded by an incredible radiance

      I shut my eyes tight and swatted in front of me
        My hand struck something metal and I yelped in pain
          
          I shot up and stared downward
    Towards the desklamp unplugged on the floor
        
          Breathing heavily, I sat upright in my bed,
                 *Struggling to pull away words that had already sunken in

I find myself pressing my pen onto the paper so hard,
as if to make sure
the ink will never be erased,
the pain will never be forgotten,
this feeling will never fade.
My hand hurts, but I don't stop.
Now every word feels like redemption,
but every sentence
is an act of rebellion.
I can't tell whether I can feel
or I'm numb anymore,
but the scratches I make on this notebook seem real.
They seem permanent,
even if the beating in my chest isn't.
My breath might be polluted,
my blood might be poisoned,
my love might be molding,
but my words,
they're always true.
And that's how I know I'm alive.