loving someone that you cannot have
is one of life’s most tragic things

because when you drive me home
and i listen to you ramble about
your passions and dreams
i stay quiet because i am afraid
that if i open my mouth
“i love you” will fly out
and i will not have the chance
to reach out, grab it,
and put it back away,
hidden,
where it belongs.

you will live your life and i, mine.
but in my dreams, awake or asleep,
we will be together, side by side,
living.

Dearest Lover,

I write because I am scared
to speak.
Taboo to the world, I have
within myself become closed.
I wish so badly to tell you to run,
run from who I am —
even though you claim to know.

If you do, why are you here?

I see the moon in upside-down phases,
the sun does not shine through my
***** windows.
I wear the universe on me
and keep it within me.

People have thrown me to the
skies, thinking I would not shine.

Looking back, they see my gleaming
light shooting at them faster than
their mind can comprehend.
It is only then they wish to pull me
close — pull me from the sky they
tossed me too.

Dearest lover,
join me
I can be your Regulus.

The sea is resting now
after a long day
gnawing at the edge
churning in deep hollows
ever so slowly eroding
this peaceful coast

Sand is the issue
of this marriage
sea and sky
combining to
make the land large
in its retreat

A handful of sand
to the winds
my life
to these tides

i waited for you
to swallow your pride
but all you did
was choke on it

when people are in love
they often say
they simply fell
tripped over their own two feet
face forward
and into the arms of their beloved

i did more than simply fall
onto the ground of your love

you, for me
were an ocean
and i dived
headfirst
roughly
harshly
almost painfully
into the waters of “you”

i knew i could not swim
but i did so anyway
i was drowning
entangled in you
surrounded by this being of “you”
engulfed in this feeling of “you”

and i did not know what came over me
but i let myself drown
i did not try to swim back up
because if i went back to land,
releasing myself from your grasp
that would mean losing the feeling of “you”

and after
submerging into the depth
the love
the passion
of “you”

how could i ever leave?

I kept wondering if I would outgrow
The feelings of eyes on me.

I have yet to believe that they
Aren’t all staring.
I have yet to forget the taste
Of waxy nothingness on my tongue,
The guilt of sleepless nights,  
The odd feeling of waking and
Not believing the world around me.

Each tree has grown mouths,
All are laughing.

I walk my dog and I feel the heat
Slither around my spine.
The cars driving by are all looking.
Why do I feel like someone is following me?
I check over my shoulder.

I am submerged in warm ocean.
I can breathe, but for how long?

i wonder what you saw
when you loved me
and i wonder what you didn’t see
when you left me