If I let myself be myself,
then this world will never
have a case of ****** theft
if I let myself be myself,
then I will never be myself.

As the water runs off the tap,
let it flows, let it glows,
tornado, tornado.

If I ever be myself,
then the book would never
have met its owner off the shelf
if I ever be myself,
then what else would have left?

As the mother falls off the map,
let it shows, let it grows,
innuendo, innuendo.

The cut is temporary,
unlike woes.

But arrows
reside deep in the bow.

Nothing has
taken place
in this empty
cold and dark
remote room
it has been
and always will be
empty.

I can hear the
punching
on the table
the hard slamming
of the door
the shouting
of an ecstasy rage
from the outside
but still in here
in my little, cramped
secluded room
it is just silence.

There is nothing
for me
to command
in this
empty space
a wise, old
drunk man
once said
'don't try'
and somehow
it turns out
to be true
that everything
is here
not to be tried
and for all the
emptiness in it
there is nothing
for me
to command
in this
empty space.

There is nothing
for me
to wander around
in this empty space
there is no
road, street
or alley
for me to go
back and forth
but there is
always this
static presence
of feeling
of nature
of instinct
that has been
squashing me
sitting on me
telling me
to run and jump
frantically, wildly
just to see that
it bores nothing
and there is nothing
for me
to wander around
in this
empty space.

This empty space
can't be filled
this empty space
can't be replaced
this empty space
can't be changed
for
this empty space
has always been
empty
and it will
always be.

I want you to laugh,
honestly.
There is no better thing
that you can do
with your light voice,
light heart and light mind
even the slightest spark of fire
can burn the whole forest
but then again,
the possibility of having
the pain in seeing a perfectly composed mirror
is unbearable for me.

I know, I know,
that there is nothing
that I can do
the moment your face
turns pale
as if it is being drowned
by the darkest cloud,
falling down from the empty cliff,
I realized that
I am powerless,
and your smile is immortal.

but the sunshine appears again
from the beneath of
your pretty face
I have lost for words,
totally insane,
I am deeply amazed.

I want to see you chuckle
until the last light
comes slashing
through this bare eyes.

4/12/2015

Yes I heard and cried
knowing that you have died
in the midst of that ******,
sinful ruckus of Nagasaki
but fate is no longer great
tip-toed twinkle of a pathetic
plunge over the dying Sakura
I have not changed for years but
you, you have changed
for the romance, for the sanity
of your everlasting dance.

Fatal, it is fatal, they said.
Denial, it is a denial, I said.
The balloon has escaped for years
and it can only haunt us for years,
but now,

The balloon waved at me
as I was caught red-handed
by an atomic, stoic handshake
drowning athazagoraphobia,
so I left the *** unattended
and I wander for a sweet end
in Misaki, Sennichimae,
calm, youthful exuberance I love
I no longer remember
the lasting kisses
that she left,
as a soliloquy in May.

I am lost in the wildest dream
of an eternal existence.

A song starts, and it will end.

Eventually.

I will play your song all over again.
As the outside just started to rain,
and I light the joint to heal the pain.
All this time, even in the
tiniest, tightest lane,
I don't have to think, I always knew
the outcome.

And knowing that you have reached
the plateau, I feel numb.

My endorphins have never failed me.
Every time the tune crawled and bit my doldrums,
it did not fail me.

I feel fine, and everything shines.
I am done, and nothing put me off the lines.
I just had to, and it feels so true.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
I miss you, and I wish that you knew.

25/2/2014

I hate routine
and even though
I hate it,
with all my guts
with all my life
with all my veins
and I have been
saying it
for as long
as I have lived
I am still
doing it
embracing it
enduring it
for almost
two years
I have been
out there
every single
weekdays
from seven to six
without fail
except for
those days
where I cannot move
or think
and sometimes
it stretched until
eight, nine at night
and there were
few times
where it stretched
to ten, eleven
close to midnight
and I have
to go out again
the next day
to do it again
to force
the cycle
and to force
myself
to jump over
the hurdle
just to get
a bowl
full of noodle
and I believe
it is the best
of all routine
that able
to be served
to the human
of all layers
of all levels
of all stratums
that are
desperately
in need of
a life.

So if you
ask me again
why do
I hate routine
please allow me
to ask you back
after all that
I have gone through
How can I not say
that I hate routine?

26/4/14

Remember what happened in that black 98
battered souls, bruised dignities, blackened eyes
fallacies, conspiracies
no apology, no sympathy
but this is David and Goliath
don't you remember,
like eighteen years ago
except for its atrocities
and ridiculosities.

Dad,
you inflicted this on me,
you should have known
that the wheel
doesn't stop rolling.