No;
It's not the rhythmic thuds of a headboard,
Nor squeaks of well christened springs,
Sighing the night's discretions.

It's the strained veins glazed over red eyes
Seeing the clock strike 4 am.
Flushed in a solitary blue.

When you said "I could drown in your eyes."
Were you implying that they appeared the color of the ocean?
Because you have brought a storm to my ocean eyes.

I didn't know that when you said you loved my mouth
That you'd grow tired of kissing it,
That you wouldn't care when it had something to say.

And the day you said my body was beautiful,
Who would have guessed that you no longer wanted to touch it,
That your skin didn't long for mine anymore.

The worst part about it all is when I look in the mirror,
When I see my own reflection,
Because you too, had ocean eyes

I miss him.
I know that's a common sentence.
But I really do.
His scent.
His eyes.
His heartbeat.
His warmth.
His hands on my body.
His smile.
It's hard for me to think of him now.
How he's become one with earth.
And how I'll never be able to see him as one again.
Only as the little pieces I remember him as.

To face this day in the still of night
How brave am I to tears
And decades of time
Wrapped in memories

Violated
Body Invaded
Teeth scraping against vile pavement
Flashes I still try to erase
Haunt my day to day
Stop holding me down
it's not funny now
this isn't how
it can't be how
For ****'s sake
This can't be the way
this actually goes down.

The Pain is bad
but the shame
that's what really eats me away
Humiliation & blame
Like tar polluting my veins
don't tell anyone
whatever you do
don't tell anyone
It's not worth it
Nobody cares
and nobody wants to know.
Do your best to let it go,
Get over it.
Don't ruin the show.
the star needs to shine
don't stand in the way
don't tell anyone
it won't even matter someday.

“I messed up.”
I only wish it didn’t
take you this long
to realize.
“Can we talk?”
My whole body aches,
yearning to say yes.
“Are you there?”
Yes, I am here.
“Please answer.”
I surely don’t think
I have that strength.
“I still love you.”
My heart beats,
my stomach churns.
“You were the best
thing that ever
happened to me.”
Funny,
I used to think the same
about you.
“Why aren't you answering?”
“Because for 7 months;
I waited.
You tore me apart,
it felt like I was drowning.
You didn't even look back.
Not once.
How can I just forget that?”
I hit send.
“I’m sorry…”
“I’m sorry too.”*
Except this time,
I don’t hit send.

In darkness I am free
In light I live in false security

They say the shadows flee from the day
But they only retreat in my mind

I feel more horrors in daylight
Than I see them in the night