My knees weaken when I see you

half smiling lips and wine soaked breath

I am still faithful

a shadow, shadow that walks

without body

without a solid shape

I turned to God once, ideally,
my mouth forming prayers I'd saved

for you

muttering malice into the nothingness

etching memories the way they etch gravestones

a black crayon and blank paper,
pressing hard and hoping

that the colours will somehow
bloom into meaning

Godless, knees shaking

a single handshake and I am
crucified

the first time you said I love you was on Valentines day.
On the way back to my house, on a winding street lined with pine trees
You said it as a joke, and that's why I laughed

the second time you said I love you was when we were on your living room floor
vinyls upon vinyls with the wrapping all around us
this time I just ignored it and gave a tight smile

the third time you said I love you it was attached to a quick goodbye on the phone
I hung up before I could react and dropped to the floor right after

because how the **** could you ever love me and not know about the planet of skeletons I have in my closest?
you never seen my bad days or my worst days
you don't know the way I light up and the way I fade away
you don't know the voices in my head or the numbers on my arm dialing a phone home
hell, you don't even know what that means

you can't love me because you don't even know that I'm a planet
you can't love me because you don't know that I gave up being a human a long time ago
and you can never love me because you'll never understand why

When the sun and the moon
Collide in the sky
When blood drops,
Are the only tears I cry
When snow flakes
Fall in the middle of June
When the sound of silence
Remains the only tune
When the fish sprout wings
And fly from the sea
When the only thing standing
Are petrified trees
When the sky loses its color
And is no longer blue
That, my sweet, is when
I'll stop loving you

I'm nostalgic of the time when i could see you, contemplate you, the details of your skin, your imperfections and the perfect lines of your face.

Thinking of you hurts, as a deaf noise, a hole.
I forgot your beauty spots and the shade of your eyes.
The sound of your voice is lost in my memory and your words are swindle.

The hardest is to remember you and forgetting you at the same time.
Worse, i don't know what's true and what i have dreamed anymore.

I don't want to believe in this thing that we call love anymore.
I don't want  to believe that somebody is made for me.
I want to believe in me and in my future.
I want to believe that I can destroy myself and fix myself alone.
I want to believe that I need nobody to live.

But the reality always  hit me at night.
I feel alone at midnight.
In this bed without your perfume.
I feel alone even surrounded.
I miss you in my life.

I have to erase you to move forward, forget you to grow.
You will never come back and I don't want to crawl back to you again.