I have a story to tell but it's not for the faint of heart, it is scary.
I bought a farm and discovered that it has a cursed Pet Sematary.
I buried my German Shepherd there and he came back to life.
But he was extremely violent, he killed my daughter and my wife.
My dog was foaming at the mouth and I shot him in the head.
He fell to the floor, this made the second time that he was dead.
My neighbor buried his son in the Pet Sematary and he too returned to life.
When he tried to hug his resurrected son, he got his throat cut out with a knife.
I told my neighbor if he buried his son in the Sematsry, things would become worse.
He didn't listen when I said that his son would be evil because the Sematary is cursed.
When his son saw me, he cut my left arm off with my own chainsaw.
But before he could finish me off, he was shot by an officer of the law.
If you bury something or somebody in this Pet Sematary, you'll have a lot to fear.
I've decided to sell my farm and get the hell out of here.

It was my moral duty to operate and in many people's eyes, I was admired.
I did what needed to be done and because of that, I was fired.
Four years ago, a baby was born with Down Syndrome and he had a heart defect.
Because of his mental impairment, he was a baby who his parents chose to reject.
I told the parents that without an operation, their baby would die.
They told me not to operate and sadly, I understood the reason why.
They wanted him to die because of his Down Syndrome and some others and I protested.
The parents were taken to court but the judge agreed with what the parents requested.
Even though that **** judge upheld the parents decision, I operated anyway.
I saved that baby's life but my superiors were outraged and decided to make me pay.
I was fired but because of public outcry, they said that I would be reinstated.
I told them to go jump off a cliff, I wouldn't work for a hospital that I hated.
I was fired because of my moral scruples but I had the last laugh.
Now I work at a better hospital and I've become the Chief of Staff.

Yesterday, I ordered a pizza and washed my hands and then I had a fit.
When I came to the table, I saw that my family was eating all of it.
They grabbed the entire pizza, they didn't even leave me one slice.
That was inconsiderate of my family, it certainly wasn't nice.
Today, I ordered a pizza with anchovies which my entire family hates.
They wouldn't touch the pizza and they thought what I did wasn't great.
They were all angry because they didn't get their meal.
So I told the jerks that now they know how I feel.

My evil stepmother and I became lovers and we killed my dad.
We did it so that we could get all of the money that he had.
We were greedy and we made sure that Dad would Rest in Peace.
But we made a fundamental mistake, we underestimated the police.

I pushed Dad off the roof and tried to make it look like he accidentally fell.
But the police didn't buy it and now my stepmother and I are rotting in jail.
The cops figured out that my stepmother and I were lovers.
They used their ingenuity to make us turn on one another.

Now as I sit in my cell, I feel pretty bad.
I feel like a piece of trash for killing Dad.
Dad had over a hundred million dollars but in the end, it did me no good.
If I could travel back in time to stop myself from killing my father, I would.

When it comes to underprivileged people, you are nothing but an abuser.
You believe that people who get food stamps and other free food are losers.
When a church gave free food to the poor, you said that church supports bums.
You look down on people who are less fortunate than yourself and that is dumb.

You judge people who can't afford to pay for the food that they eat.
They struggle to pay bills and they have trouble making ends meet.
When I call you a stuck up twit, it's certainly true.
If anybody qualifies to be a loser, it is you.

It's such a great day that it makes a man want to sing.
I'm very happy because today is the first day of Spring.
Knowing that the bitterness of Winter is over is sure to please.
Warm weather is coming and the leaves will return to the trees.
When March arrives, there's something that I always hold dear.
The cold weather will leave, Spring is my favorite time of the year.

A man has kidnapped two people and is demanding 50 million for their safe return.
But people have discovered who the two hostages are and they are not concerned.
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are the two people who have been kidnapped.
People won't give a plug nickel for the safe return of those two pieces of crap.
Clinton and Trump won't be coming home any time soon, they are trapped.
If somebody does pay the ransom, he or she will certainly deserve to be slapped.