I backpedal before flanks of flames,
auburn and angry, devouring the
fractured field; deconstructing
                     the turn of the century.

The fire jumps up and down,
like a developing polaroid,
asking to be acknowledged
-- to which I can relate, but
I'd like to believe I cause
                  less destruction.

Closing my eyes, I become
submerged in memory of the
hideous boulevard she drove
down, to the tune of disposable
pop singers; crouching next to
the radio, praying with the servants
of postured finer joys like pirate
rubies and sweet kale salads.

When looking up, through the
windshield; through the life;
a tic scampers from eyelid to
cheek, as the car buckles before
a triumph of a deer; the size of
a Godly Eland, shoveling it's
human feet into the downtown
dirt: an asphalt so slick, we
rose from our seats, as the
God split our vehicle in half,
throwing us into opposite
guardrails; dodging cars,
while it watched us.

Shudders of savored gladness
drip down my hairline wound,
painting my face before I die
and return to the towering blaze.

I met Death today
she shook my hand in a polite manner
then allowed me to adjust to the new
overwhelming reality
as if she knew it would take a while
we bathed in silence;
the consternated and the experienced
little by little getting used to each other's
presence, now and forever

but Death has done this before

Lately I've been falling apart
I feel I couldn't feel any less
I've been taking my drinking too far
I'm a self deprecating, self medicating mess

Lately I've been feeling alone
All I do is work and sleep
Maybe I should pick up the phone
It seems the hole I've dug I dug too deep

Lately I can't find joy in anything
I can hardly ever sleep
I dread what tomorrow could bring
My mind and life's up in a heap

How can lately be for forever
Work and sleep and work and die
Old bonds with age grow weak and sever
The bird has been caged but wants to fly

For a moment so quick,
As I passed between the
Shimmer of silky moon
Cutting through the trees
Huddled above,

I felt my heart beat again,
And a wave of fresh blood,
Lively blood that remembered
How to live and how to move
And what it meant to coarse through veins
Flooded my being,

And at the moment in between this moment
That I glimpsed at the warmth of my skin
The shrill winter whisper
Shuffled back in
And told my heart to stop
And reminded it that beating means living
And with living comes death,
And that I have died too many times
To let it beat anymore.

I just woke up
in the beginning of the evening

And suddenly became aware
that before this moment I was not aware.

And everything I did
and everything I said
I did without control,

And it feels as though today was lie,
this week was a sham,
this year has been false,
and my life is slipping away

Because I feel myself sinking in again
and I feel my fingers drifting away from my mind,
and it's starting again
and oh God please help me
I want to live
I want to live
I want to live

But here I go, down the muddy hole again.

 Jun 5 rained-on parade

You should never date someone with the same music taste as you because there will be songs that you sing together at 3 in the morning when you're tangled together in bed that you won't be able to listen to again for a very long time. I used to never let anyone kiss me in public because I knew one day when I walk past that very spot it will take everything I have to keep walking. I used to never bring anyone home because I never wanted my bed to feel like it was missing something. Every time I look up at the sky at night, I think of the time you showed me where the big dipper was and how we watched an airplane connect perfectly to the end of it. It was like everything connected in that moment and I wanted nothing more than to somehow keep it forever. There's nothing but a big hole in the sky now.

Summer bleeds the heat
as I let go the pieces
the pieces, the pieces of my heart.
All scattered and broken
and soaking in sweat
Yeah my head is aching
as I am still shaking
and the tears they start streaming
then come crashing down
and all I can do is let them fall
let the pieces fall where they may
Yes I'm letting go the pieces,
the pieces, the pieces of my heart.
It's not all or everything,
oh no,
but it's a start.

I'll keep letting go of what I must
and you can leave or you can stay
I'll remain broken just the same
either way
But you see, I'm at that place
where holding on to so much
just isn't an option anymore.

Some may play it safe,
pretend to be tough or strong
but I'm no good at playing games
I've never been good at pretend
I wear my heart on my sleeve
and it's only aching to be set free.

Yeah my mind is full and cloudy
and I need to clear away the fog
so I can really think ( again )
so I can really see ( again )

Yeah my heart, it's been broken
for ever, so it seems
but I can't hold on to it anymore
( I won't )
it's been breaking and bleeding
and it's time I set it free
so I'll let it go
let it free-fall and
fly through the air
watch it scatter and then splatter
on the ground
making the sound
it's meant to make.

And I will not pick up the pieces.
Oh no, I do not dare.

So the summer will bleed
the heat, the heat, the heat
and as I let go the pieces,
the pieces of my heart
I'll see how it's meant to happen
all sun-soaked
in summer's bleeding
all drenched and quenched
by my own blood, sweat and tears.

The time for this is now.
The place for this is here.

::TL Sipple::

(and possible lyrics for a song)

Just look,
my astonished daughter
at this image.
Once I seemed a monstrous being
but look and look again
this is me,
this overgrown hedge
of my beard
and hair
and moustache
the broken nose.
The eyes
peer out and say
this is me.
At that time
you were not even envisioned
and now I am here
in this black and white photo
your father.
Keep me please
I bind you to an unknown past
connected by memory and dna,
this time is yours
if you want.
Just ask

paper pencil bingo!

It is the last of the night
and the first light of the day
brings wake-up time
to the birds in the bushes;
their songs,
tentative at first
the notes quiet and seeking
take form,
one with the other,
questing and melding,
point and counterpoint
till the moment,
when strong in will
and together in purpose,
the chorus swells
the light brightens
and together they bring
the dawn to a full day

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