If only to saw the real me, you wouldn't think I was beautiful. If you watched me undress you wouldn't be staring at me, you'd be looking at the cuts along my thighs. You wouldn't admire me, you'd just see through me or stare at me with pity.

I am not a person
I am a shadow
Following in the footsteps
Of someone who
I don't even recognize

Sometimes I think I can see your name written in the stars
Spelling the sound of your voice
That lingers in my mind
Stars align just perfectly enough to tell me that your still here
When a gust of wind brushes the hair out of my face
I can feel that it's you trying to tuck loose strands of hair behind my ear
Everytime it rains the drops on my windowsill play the melody of your favorite songs
I said goodbye to you when they buried you deep under the earth
With the dirt and all the flowers
But you never said goodbye to me
Instead you said I'll be there soon

You have broken me
Every part
Of my lonely heart
Has been shattered
In millions of pieces
On the floor
I let you break down my walls
Crawl into my mind
And see all the dark parts
I was so scared to let anyone see
But you
You crept in to see the real me
Apparently you didn't like
Everything you were bound to see
And you left
With the door wide open
My walls broken down with bulldozers
Left me in the ruble of the crash
Unbearable and broken

I am nothing but a beating heart in a still body

Writing about love
I always thought would give
Me the power of holding onto love
I realize now I never had
A love so strong it could change the world
I met a boy
Only 16 years old
And I fell so deeply in love with him
He changed the definition of love
In my eyes
He gave me six months
To show him the brightest and darkest sides of myself
He showed me every part of him
No one else could've understood
He broke the spell he cast upon me
Two days ago
I let him ruin every love song is ever heard
Completely destroy my thoughts of happily ever afters
I realize now there isn't a happily ever after
There's a deep ocean blue color waiting for me at the end of my road
To drift into the sea
Not searching for love but waiting for the water
To take my body and drown me under the ocean sea.

Oh, and darling
If you asked
for water
I'd bring you the ocean

If he loves me
He rarely shows it
I think he wants
To leave me
Why should he
Even stay
Every one
Leaves anyway

How am I supposed to tell you I'm sliding a blade across my thigh, just to watch myself bleed?

He grabs my neck
And pulls me closer
Till his breath
Is the only air I breathe
He stares at me
While I'm staring back
He's lost control
And drives his tounge
Into my mouth
Kissing me
Hard and soft all at once
Screaming into my mouth
That he loves me
With his passionate kiss
His hands move down
From my neck to my hips
Grabbing at the soft parts of my skin
Trying to get closer
As if we weren't two people but one
Steadying his hands on my waist
He pulls apart from the kiss
And we're panting both waiting for more
He pushes the hair out of my face
Tucking it sweetly behind my left ear
Kissing my cheek
Then my nose
And head
Till his lips are parted so small
He kisses my lips
Soft at first then gazes up at me
Speaking with his eyes
That I'm something worth kissing
He takes my mouth to his
And loves me
Like I've never been loved
Before.

I keep typing in this stupid little box trying to think of something clever to say. Anything really, something that might rhyme, it might not. I keep typing in this little box trying to tell you how sad I am and how all these thoughts are tearing at my chest trying to break free out of my heart and my head. I keep typing in this little box trying to say that winter is coming soon, the saddest part of the year. I keep trying to tell you how I don't find sunsets beautiful anymore, I find them fake. I don't wish upon fountains anymore or shooting stats for that matter. I can't believe in a wish anymore. I'm not sure why, maybe because everyone lies. I keep trying to say how I hate roses because they remind me of death and how I hate the way my face looks in the mirror. But nothing seems to come out the way I want it to.

I watched the moon tonight
Thinking of you
The sparkle in your eyes
Your hopeless romantic
Ways and your sweet sense of laughter
Loving you has been such a pleasure baby
I'll be lovin you forever
Till the moon dies
And the sparkle in your eyes

I knew it the moment I saw him,
With a soft spoken voice
He looked at me and said hello,
He watched me from afar,
And I kept upon his graze
I couldn't wait to feel his touch
Against my bare skin
The moment his hand
Intertwined with mine
There was this sudden spark
I saw it in his eyes
Replacing the brown
With a golden glow
Of pure shock,
How our heart connected
In one split second
And the world stopped spinning
And our hearts collided
Breaking and thrashing down each others walls
Crawling our way into the deepest part
Of our souls
Sliding his hands down my thigh
He looks at me with pure desire
Biting his lip
I ask him to bite mine instead
And he tugs at my skin
Taking off the clothes I once wore
Making love under the comfort of these blankets
Wrapped and interlocked together in one
Seeing the way the other moves
Watching each other slowly
Becoming fearless of the others body
Wanting to touch and grab at every part
I knew it the moment he touched me
He would completely ruin me
Shower me in love
But also in lust
Forever young
And forever lost
Watching him
Is watching the sun
Wrap around the earth
As we wrap around each other
As he lays there
Staring at the stars
He looks at me
Smirks and then closes his eyes
Takes my hand
And he breaths so deep
I can hear his lungs fill with air
He takes one last look
And Kisses my lips
I knew the moment I kissed him

I fell in love with shadows that creep in and out of the dark
And it made me feel so hollow inside of my lonely heart

I know this world is shaking
But I'm on my knees
I'm Begging you please
To stay with me

Stay with me
Until I fall asleep
Kiss my under the covers
Watch me as I drift of to slumber
I know we're Second hand lovers
Hold my hand in my dreams
Tell me this is not what is seems

I've been staying up late
so Late I can't see your face I've been breaking down
So much I can't hear a sound

I want to trace your scars with my fingertips
Making them shake
I don't want this to end in a heartbreak
Let me feel your scars upon my skin
Make them mine
So I can heal you instead

I've got an ache in my heart
But I've never been scared of the dark
I've tried jumping to my death
And Laying on a train track unable to catch my breath
Seeing the sun set in the distance
Waiting there until midnight just to question my very existence
These walls are colored in red
Blood dripping from my leg
There's a gun on the table
And my body is pretty unstable
The barrel is cold on my temple
With its soft chill of metal
Pressed against my skin
A bullet clicks in
I pull the trigger
Letting go of my finger
The lights go out
It's time to start over right now

Maybe I'm a little to hurt inside
So I glide the blade along my thigh
Because there's no where left to hide
If I make myself as broken on the outside
Then maybe I won't have any tears left to cry
Maybe I can die
So the world can tell my lie
Of a life with no bright side
All that's left is my bleeding thigh

In the middle of the night
I find a way to cry
In the middle of a sentence
I find a way to escape
In the middle of a moment
I find a way to break it
In the middle of silence
I find a way to disrupt it
In the middle of the day
I find a way to be okay

I did the thing I'm not supposed to do again
He said he'd leave if I did it again
Well I did it again
And maybe he won't find out again
But he will leave again
He'll find another lame excuse to leave again
I'm falling apart again
Thrown on the floor again
Breaking down again
I'm drowning again
Please don't leave me again
I can't take this again
He's gone again

Lust is such a word describing love while takes away the sappy romance story and straight down to the *******.

She's the kind of girl
Who picks up the peices
After a broken heart
the girl who saves herself
Instead of waiting to be saved
She's unlike the rest
While girls are going out
On Friday nights with strange guys
And drinking laughter
She sits in her room staring into a book
Reading about the world
She's yet to see
But she's the girl
Who will hold your heart
In the palm of her hands
Like she's holding the world
She's the girl
Who walks with elegance
And falls with absolute grace
Who talks like silver
And sings like gold
Except she only sings in the shower
She's the girl that will stand by you
When you need her on your darkest of days
And will cuddle you under
A starlight sky
She's the girl
Who will smell like
Cigarettes and black coffee
And her nails will be chipped with black paint
And her hair might be a little messy
But she will look at you
With striking blue eyes and love you
More than life
She's the girl who wants one red rose
Instead of a dozen

No one tells you
How boys with pretty eyes
Who smell like smoke
Who taste like stars
Who talk like gold
Are the reason behind
Tear stained sheets
Broken dreams
And silent screams
They forgot to mention
How boys with sad smiles
Who smell like rain
Who taste like pain
Who talk like hope
Are the reason behind
Torn hearts
Sad eyes
And sleepless nights

The truth is, she didn't need a savior; she needed a love to wrap around her caressing her with the sweet sense that someone out there craved her attention.

Watching you
Watch me
Craving for you
To just touch me
Feel my warmth
On my thigh
Tell me
Not to cry
Hold me close
And squeeze me tight
Tell me everything
Will be alright
Grab my hand
And dance with me
Tell me
Of your dream
Kiss my neck
And whisper in my ear
Tell me there is nothing
Left to fear
Touch my scars
And kiss them softly
Tell me how
You love the sweet
Smell of black coffee
Sleep with me
And hold me lightly
My heart is delicate
Tell me how
My voice is angelic
Make me smile
And make me cry
My heart is yours
And yours is mine
I'm watching you
Watch me

I saw the moon
Peeking through the clouds
Trying to show the world
All of its beauty
The clouds covering
It's ever shining light
It is now coming close
To midnight
The moon watching me
Close my eyes
To drift to slumber
In the midnight blue
The darkness swarming
My celestial body
The planets are aligned
My head lost in the universe
Of all the stars
Gathering together in the galaxy

Like the cigarettes I smoke I enhale these regrets.

They told me I was selfish
Cause I had a bullet pressed to my head
With my name on it
They told me I was selfish
Cause I had a knife pressed against my thigh
They told me I was selfish
Cause my legs were bleeding
And I was screaming
They told my I was selfish
Cause my heart wouldn't stop hurting
They told me I was selfish
Cause my bones were aching
They told me I was selfish
Cause my note said I was leaving
They told me I was selfish
Cause they begged me to stay
They told me I was selfish
Cause I needed to go away
They told me I was selfish

This world is crumbling down
And I'm left in the middle of the rubble.

You are so stupid
You are so selfish
You are worthless
You are hopeless
And these people are screaming at me
Watching every tear fall
Wishing they actually cared at all
All these people screaming
And they are all
Me.
I'm tearing myself apart
Every corner of my heart
I'm falling
While everyone is calling
My name begging me to stay
But God, oh god I just want to go away
This life is worthless for me
They won't even miss me
Maybe if I left a note
Just to tell them why
Tell them about all the tears I've cried
Now I'm finally saying goodbye.

These walls are caving in
My breathe has become so weak
These life isn't mine to keep
Let me go
Please
I just want to sleep
If you leave me
I will die
Every inch of my body will decay
All of you will pray
To my dead body
Rotting deep under the trees
I asked you to stay
Won't you please?

I've got an ache
Deep in my chest
I can't seem to stop the bleeding
From my veins
Their pouring out my secrets
Telling the world all my mistakes
I've got a death wish
With my name on it
Maybe I wished it myself
Maybe I didn't

My head is in my hands
And my arms are shaking
My voice is cracking
There's tears streaming down my face
Falling onto my shirt
And your starring at me
With wide brown eyes
Trying to lift my head
To see if I'm ok.
You look at me in pain
And I can't even say your name
Your watching me wipe my tears
And your whispering how you love me
Even though you watched me cry
Looking at me while I'm in my most vulnerable state.
You just stare
With wide eyes and your hand gripping my right thigh.
I tell you I'm fine and you believe it,
Only for a moment in time, until you regret it.

I found love
Where it wasn't supposed to be
Right infront of me
And I can barely breathe
This ocean is drowning me
Taking my body down into the sea
I found heart ache
In a bottle full of ***
I can't feel my tounge
I never meant to make you bleed
I was just trying to burn myself instead
I found pain
Where it was supposed to be hidden
Our love was forever forbidden
Kept in secret places
In small empty spaces
As people watched with blank faces
I found love
In your darkest part
The smallest place in your heart

I'm stuck somewhere between hopless romantic and cold-hearted cynic.

He took
One look
At her
And he was sure
She was the one
Because her light was brighter than the sun
And her eyes
Were the color of grey skies
Her radiance beamed of gold
And he watched her he told
The world she was magic
And he was nostalgic
Without her presence
He felt a feeling of emptiness
All it took
Was one soft look
At the beauty of her
And he was so sure
She was the one
To hold him till his days were done
And he could be in the grave beside
Her and she would be his bride

Her world is falling apart
While they are falling asleep
She's crying in her dreams
Her heart has broken
And she hasn't spoken
In months
They watch her walk around the street
Following her eyes down to her feet
Her lungs are black
From the cigarettes burning the back
Of her throat
She lights fires to everything she touches
Listening to everyone's soft hushes
Falling into the darkness in her heart
Her world is falling apart

I was 17 staring out
the window
in the drivers seat
Watching the passing
Trees
And taking small
Glances at the
Man sitting beside me
His hair dark
And messy
His hand gripping
My thigh
His eyes watching mine
The day turned to
Night
And we were
Suddenly wrapped
In starlight.

I want to be the reason you can't sleep at night. Looking at the ceiling fan wondering why I came into your life. Watching the moon grow in size thinking about the way I walk towards you, the features in my face when I lean into kiss you. I want you to ponder in your thoughts about touching me in places no man can touch but you.

I love you very much and I appreciate you to your full potential and abilities. I will love you now, and tomorrow and I hope you let me love you forever. I am a lucky girl to be in love with you. I hope you know that. Whatever is happening with you right now, I hope to a god I don't believe in that it gets better for you, because I can't fix you. I wish I could but I can't. I just don't want you to leave this world without me, and it hurts me knowing that it doesn't affect you that way. But I get it, depression tears us apart and shows the world our scars and all our flaws. It shows them who we really are. Depression is a prison we are locked in and the key is in the hand of our enemies. But hope, hope will set you free, someday, maybe not today or tomorrow, next month or year. But one day, you will be able to look at the sky and smile, not because your forced to, but because you genuinely feel like smiling. That day will come, and you won't even realize it came. I'm in love with you for all the right reasons, and the wrong ones too. I'm in love with the thought of death too, it haunts my dreams as much as it haunts yours. But my being in love with you, anchors my feet to this earth, and I know I could never leave if i couldn't take you with me.

What a lonely world
All of this seems
Every broken heart
Haunts our dreams
In the dead of night
I can hear my screams
Tearing from my chest
Tears are like streams
Flowing from my eyes
Midnight memories
Ache in my heart
What a lonely world

I lost myself
In you
Losing all of me
To become
Only a small part of
You
Lost in the ocean
Lost in the trees
Lost in the desert
Lost in the seas
I found my way
To a better
Place
With lost souls
And lost dreams
I lost myself
In losing you

I fell in love with him
Like the night sky falls in love with the moon
So quick and so dark

I see you in my nightmares
Every Time I close my eyes to sleep
I wake with your face imprinted on my eyelids
Awoken with sweaty palms and fear in my throat

I thought I was over it, I thought I was finally okay again. Then all of the sudden it's like the night it all happened hits me in the chest and knocks me off my feet. Losing my ground and the air in my lungs, I forgot how to breathe. And I'm sitting in my room as I try to write this down, and I know it isn't good enough. Everything seems wrong to say and all the words are making me drown. I want this world to end, but just for me, I want to see all the life in everyone else's eyes except mine. I don't deserve this world, it was never mine to deserve. And now that I'm staring at this screen trying to make all these words make sense. Maybe I'm trying to say goodbye, or hello for the first time. I haven't made up my mind yet. But I guess what's happening is that all this pain is built up inside my heart and I wake up to realize that it's never going away, I thought I was okay but I'm such a liar.

Please don't rip your heart out trying to save mine.

There's an old saying I like, "you don't know what you have until it's gone."
I didn't know I had the man of my dreams in the palm of my hand and I let him go, for a reason I don't care to admit. But a year later, somehow the universe is on my side, and he traveled his way back into my lonely life. Meeting me with deep brown eyes and a smile full of sadness I finally rested my lips upon his and the world grew silent. Fear of losing and fear of falling I walked slowly. He took my breath away with once glance in my direction,
I knew there was this deep intimate connection. It was love at first sight they might say, I would agree but love is uncertain unconditional unreal. I felt a pain of loss when I walked away from him the very first night, so I promised myself I'd never say goodbye. Because ****, I can't tear myself away.

I was the type of person
To grasp onto things to tight
The kind of girl who never told her secrets
And kept her mouth shut
So pain couldn't seep into her crevices
Unable to release my grip
Even when it didn't seem right
My fingertips would ache
But I thought it was worth the pain
I used to overthink everything
That if I lost something
I would lose pieces of myself
Then suddenly I would become someone
My heart didn't even recognize
When I lost myself upon the sea
I thought the ocean would slowly drown me
Instead, just like an angle gets its wings
I started to lift
From under the deep ocean floor
I rose from the dead outside my grave
And although the walls were caving in
I started to breathe again
When all is lost, I thought I was the girl who couldn't find her voice
Who was to afraid and full of fear
To tell you her deepest regrets.
I have come to realize
That she was me,
But I am filled with life
Still holding on a little to tight.

Oh how I miss you.
Your sweet brown eyes
The smile you give me when I'm staring at you for to long.
The way you tell me about your day and how it all got better because you got to hear my voice.
I miss how you touch me and everything seems just fine.
Your dimple on the left side of your cheek when I tell you I love you.
The way you hold my hand and kiss me
Just the way I catch you looking at me from the corner of my eye.
God I miss you.

Staring at you, you look like the rest of my life, in one body.