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pushthepulldoor Jun 2014
The other day
I stood atop the old psychiatric center
and stared at the sky.
I marveled at the stars
and how close I felt to them,
while I was 12 stories of abandonment
and insanity and torment high.
I couldn't help but truly feel the
stars were like scars etched into the sky.
It made me think of the patients
who were left to rot
in the building I was standing on.
They looked so alive, yet
they were already dead.
© M.S.
pushthepulldoor May 2014
On the surface:
Porcelain skin,
lightly freckled face.
Long auburn hair.
Brown and green flecked eyes.
5'9, thick thighs, tight waist.
This is the girl you fell in love with.
The girl in front of you.
Just what you can see and feel and hold.
You did not fall in love with what is underlying.
Numb to most, angry with others.
Careful.. Never one to rush things.
A fan of perspectives.
An interest in different characteristics.
Curious about every little thing.
Inquisitive, kind.
A raging internalization of anger and frustration
and sadness.
Foundation ready to give out but she wont let it.
She patches up each new crack.
Lost her mind long ago
but never faltering her grip on reality.
It's tattooed on her.
She can't escape the harsh truths.
One being, people only see the surfaces.
Never digging even the slightest.
She's seen many lives lost before it was their time.
She's given up long ago.
Taught herself;
No one can be saved if they wont help themselves first.
Removed herself from
they who claw at the ankles
of people to be dragged down alongside them.
She holds her head up high when she feels herself sinking.
All alone, right beside you.
Always there when she's needed.
Never to have anyone hold her hand
or tell her she's strong.
She doesn't need to be told.
She knows that to survive what she has,
she must be anything but weak.
She will laugh in the face of the antagonist,
smile and ask how their day was, truly curious.
But you only see the surface.
She's just a pretty face.
© M.S.
pushthepulldoor May 2014
You say you love me.
You don't know my biggest fears.
You know my favorite band.
You know my favorite color.
You don't know my dreams.
You don't know my greatest struggles.
You don't react when I tell you
I lost my virginity by force.
You basically tell me it was my fault.
You say you love me,
You say you love how I feel
when you're inside me.
You say you love my eyes.
You say you love my ***.
You say I'm ****.
You tell me to turn that **** off
when I put on a song that
makes my heart sing.
You criticize my ideas
and make me feel stupid for
even thinking in the first place.
But it's okay right?
You said you love me right?
I believe you, right?
© M.S.
pushthepulldoor May 2014
I pray for your happiness,
when I'm gone.
I truly hope you develop your relationship
with her.
The one, who I believe, is
the reason you don't talk to me
like you used to.
She's beautiful.
You're already good friends.
I know she's had an eye on you
for some time now.
She can have you.
I'm done.
I will never stop caring or loving you
but I want you to be happy
so I'll stop trying.
I'm leaving anyway.
© M.S.
pushthepulldoor May 2014
Why is it that,
now that I've found someone
who loves me,
I'm throwing them away?
You're the first to love me back
and the first to have me
completely enraptured
and I love you.
Oh how I love you..
But thats just it.
You're the first.
These are my butterfly days
and I will love again.
I am not your first love.
Someone else once held your heart
like you hold mine,
and crushed it.
In time you healed
and you will heal again
for I will recrush your rebuilt heart
because I'm leaving.
And mine will stay in your hands
until you throw it far away.
© M.S.
pushthepulldoor May 2014
"Eyes like a car crash,
I know I shouldn't look
but I can't turn away"
Staring into my soul
are the headlights of on-coming traffic.
Just this morning,
you fed your niece breakfast
and spoke to your commander
about your call of duty
and kissed your mothers cheek.
You left your home
with things at peace, calming
a storm inside you.
Just like everyone else.
You make your way to your car
in the rain.
You hear sirens in the distance
and say a prayer for those effected.
Unaware that moments later
those sirens will be heading
toward your now battered body to
try to save your life.
But they didn't make it.
© M.S.

R.I.P.
pushthepulldoor May 2014
Today has the same chill to it
as the one we shared a century ago.
We shielded our fragile skin
in scarves and mittens
from the icy wind.
In a mere heart beat,
I came to the realization
you were going to leave me all alone some day.
We walked leisurely down Cardinal Lane
as you puffed on your Parliament.
We spoke of the world around us
and how it would crumble.
A conversation so vivid.
I recall I asked you
what you would want on your grave.
You told me with solemn demeanor
"Nothing, but a weeping willow."
I should have left you when I had the chance.
Now here I stand
with a sapling in my hand.
© M.S.


This is a poem i entered to the Poetry for the Hart contest and i was one of the winners! im very proud of this poem
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