Hi I’m back and I’m -

So cryptic. So embarrassing, but it feels so relieving.

What’s funny is you’ll take a peak inside, feel mortified by what you see, but you’ll never see the full picture.

It’s a lot but there’s no option other than to stay on the path and pick my feet up.

I guess ill continue walking till I’m bruised and bleeding, teary eyed, barely breathing,  satisfied with myself when all my demons are defeated.

It’s misleading, people teach me love and pain and say they love me then deceive me?

That’s demeaning, it’s been a nightmare lately and this lack of sleep is getting to me.

Everything is getting to me.

I’m sick of all the drug abusing, dumb excuses, acting like I’m ******* useless.

             ?Acting dummy, ditsy, clueless.

All these lies that just abuse me.

Look inside, you think I want to stay here much longer? Would you choose pain if you felt that your pain had provided you comfort? Because it’s easy and you’ve got a little food in the cupboard?

That’s a tough one, huh.

Yeah that’s what’s been my personal struggle.

But lately I’ve been getting tired of these lack of views.

The windowless prison walls, the being stupid - act confused.

That’s weak as hell. Im finished with this and yes, I know I’ve said those words at least a million times.

I’ve always meant it when I did, it’s been a  treacherous climb.

If any of y’all relate feel free to reach out some time. Life’s struggles don’t need to be a lonely experience.

Everybody goes through things, and listen man I know that you’re hearing this.

Just follow me, let’s put down our vices and take a walk.

There’s no need to be fearing this.

This isn’t profound, really it's profanity.

I’m far from crazy but on the brink of insanity.
I can’t think straight, sometimes, but I can never stop till he stops calling for me.

All of my addictions, yeah they really caught up to me.
Coughin' out what’s written like the words come from God or something.

I don’t know though, really I am lost.


Like in the jungle of my thoughts and the trees keep branching out
and the growth will never stop.
The greenery is beautiful; when it rains it pours.
When it stops raining I start begging him for more,
until I realize the rain is what I need to enjoy the scene.

The seasons are essential in order to dream.

My mind is a tangle of cognitive dissonance.

Oh, how mysterious. This emotion comes in waves.
I’m delirious when I let my heart cave.
Carve a mask for my face; no my smile isn’t fake
but my happiness is temporary and depression is my default.

Life can be sweet, but I mostly taste sea salt.

I'm depressed, the lesson I learned about
Life is that it's hell in its essence.
I don't wanna live wanna leave all this
And escape from the present.
I look in the mirror and just see a mess.
It's getting clear, perhaps it's for the best
To disappear and fade away all my fear;
Share it all with the rest of those
Who appear to illuminate by their presence.

Called Satan and left him a message, nobody's there.
I would leave a voicemail but I know you won't answer my prayers.
You're a good for nothing one way road to despair,
The sole reason we believe that life isn't fair,
And if it was just my suffering I'd scream into your burning eyes that I don't care!

But I do.
I'm not the only person in existence.
See, there's also you.
Waiting around without a clue as to what we should do,
Just like me,
And it seems that no one can see it through.
Like find meaning in life and acquire proven truth,
we are doomed into an unsolvable mystery.
Most may mistake it as revolving of misery.  
How can we not?
All we do is suffer, cause pain to each other,
decompose the composure of life, grow old and just rot?
Oh what an ungodly, revolting thought!
How could our solving of existence lead to such insulting naught?
Let us then burn all of what ancient texts have  taught us and then- what?

There's no concrete answer for the endless eager mind,
But indeed, there can be deeper understanding in what we want to find.
In fact it's within your perception that you must refine,
A victim of deception is not someone anyone should confide in.
When only the darkest pages of life are the ones which he's highlighted,

No.

The nature of emotion is to juxtapose;
A contrasting height for our deepest lows.
Can't be happy without a wrenching pain I suppose,
And that's no truth that a cynics brain can expose,
I know this.
Yet this is a concept that everyone can't help but notice,
While still putting in no effort to try and show it.
People love their pity parties I suppose,
And I've learned it's not worth the effort that it
Takes to force another person to grow,
In cases such as those,
All one can do is inspire others with the radiation of your inner glow.

Im aiming to be
more blatantly free and creative
a characteristic of mine that's a happy belated now that I face that it's stated,

I'm faded.

In and out of the working collective,
consciousness
and I know now that I'm calm and collected.

The docs have told me
that my brain is infected

I've got a disease that causes me to be hectic and reckless
when it comes to fighting my pessimist 'X's
& if you don't like it then fine there's the exit.

Exotic.
Message.

I'm out here
               messin.

You say you're woke but you flexin
I exist only to test it.
Are you with or without us?

You say you're enlightened
that third eye's open and widened
but are you REALLY about it?

I'm feeling like a king on the top of the world.
On top of the world in the front of my mind
in the moment,
I can no longer hold my composure I've gotta expose it.

Dispose of demons,
drown em
Ima blow it and him out of the water and greet him.
Shake hands, meet him  |        my other half

The doubtful voice that refuses to believe in a laugh,
success, or happiness,
but I'm a pacifist
so I don't fight.
I just ask him this question
maybe to shed some light
on a subject matter that keeps me sweaty at night:
"Who are you, if not me?"

Some sleezy squeaky sounding ***** that's who you are you ******* ****.

Sorry, I can no longer comprehend what you're coughing up.

I'm over you,
        and your under me.
I'm inside out, and you've uncovered me.
Colored me vividly into the person that arose from my better half.

Because I'm better than that.

I'm better than doubt,
better than pity and running away from my problems

I'm better than tossing a lit cig in the middle of a Cali drought.

But I'm on fire, and I'm motivated.
This life, you and I we have co-created,
but no comprende when you tell me that I will not make it.
You ******* *****.
You're mine now, and I'm rich.
Full of fulfillment, and happiness.

So goodbye.
Goodbye, my other half. Demonic piece of trash.

You're gone and when it comes to the last man standing,
                 yes I'm that.