you used to be
the color of the sky
when the sun is bright
so peaceful to look at

the color of the ocean
with the soft breeze it brings
it touches my face
so pure, so calm

the color of the shirt
you wore on our first date
so masculine
and sophisticated to look at

but now you are an entirely different shade of blue
so hurtful to see as our memories haunt me still
with tears in my eyes
im all alone and blue

i've been staring at you
a lot more lately
and sometimes i wonder

what if you are the one


but i wasn't?

if I could have
a wish to a wishing star
ill wish the ability
to love myself
the way I love you

if you want me to
ill go and take the stars
out of the sky
just for you

perhaps, this is the love
I was created for
without buts
without doubts
full of hope
full of love

i wanna write more
but my mind is empty
soul is missing
heart is shattered
i am broken
i am lost

lately ive been pondering
if is it really a dream deferred
or i cant just accept
that its a dream denied

i knew im ****** up the moment i imagined how our perfect first date would look like

ill definitely bring you in a zoo because i wanted to hear you talk about the things you love
your passion in loving and caring for these creatures
i wanna see your eyes sparkle through that

or maybe ill bring you in a peaceful place
because i know how bothered your mind is most of the time
from all the responsibilities you juggle in your everyday life
i want to give you peace

or maybe we will study together?
stare at the skies?
maybe watch a movie or two?
or anything

anything could actually work
as long as it's with you
i know it'll be perfect

the thing about grief
is that it does not make itself immediately felt
it will slowly dive deep into your soul
and the moment you thought things are long over
it will surprise you with overflowing emotions
and eat you alive
hoping that you hugged them more
hoping that you loved them more

i want to thank you
give a pat on your head
and a warm tight hug
for all the times you chose not to jump

those days you felt like nothing's gonna work
moments you cannot see your worth
the battles you fought alone
and times you cannot find your home
silent cries at night in your room
with no one to hold
only yourself to lose

thank you for giving another day a chance
thank you for not giving up
thank you for all the times you chose not to jump

i havent had the courage
to do things
for quite some time
i cant write
cant work
cant move forward
that sometimes
even breathing
seems too hard

i used to know love
and recognize him so fast
even with eyes closed
i am familiar with his scent
even if he's wearing a different cologne
i can name all his tiny gestures
still spots his voice
amidst a loud crowd
i can find love so easily

but after almost two years of not meeting love
i am no longer sure how love looks like
i cannot tell if he has long hair
or maybe he likes it clean?
does he have a very deep voice
or a soft one maybe?
is he shy
or is he confident enough?
i am not sure really

or perhaps this time
love should be the one to recognize me

And when the astronaut
fall inlove with the sea
you will see him dreaming
how wonderful it is
to be a scuba diver
and dive into
the deepest part of the ocean.

you deserve that love who asks how your day went
even if you forgot to reply because of your hectic sched
that love who brews you coffee without asking
since they saw you yawn amidst work
that love who still listens
even when you are imitating a cat's purr

you deserve that love who holds your hand whenever you cross a bridge
since they are aware how afraid you are of heights
that love who remind you you are beautiful
when you tried not to eat because of gaining another pound
that love who captures the moon when they can
knowing how much you love the evening sky

you deserve the love that tries.
you deserve the love that lasts.

i used to be so afraid
of what lies ahead in the future
but as i age i tell myself
to wherever and whoever i will be
i am sure it's gonna be right

while brewing the coffee grounds and enjoying the aroma it brings
I decided to get a cup of warm milk and add it to my glass
it seems funny because nowadays
I prefer having a strong black coffee
to be with me as I do my pile of tasks
but today I choose not to make my coffee black
maybe because I want to try something new
or maybe because today I choose to be kinder to me and you

oh to love
and be loved
must be fascinating
wonderful
spectacular
to give your all
and receive the best
oh it must be nice
it must be warm

honey–
there's no need to wait
for you are love itself
there's no need to search
just let it flow
without hesitations
shower everyone with love
but remember to keep some for yourself
and when someone arrives
you'll realize
there is more to love
that we can ever imagine

i have to say
that i am proud of you
for getting that courage
to pull yourself out
of the darkness that embraces you every day
it must have been hard
but here you are moving forward

when i was a kid
i always wonder why the moon kept following me
is she my best friend?
my protector during the nights i walk alone?
until  i grew older
and find her presence my peace
started telling her my secrets and dreams
sometimes we share our tears
we will talk all night
together we will fall asleep

like sunsets
may we be reminded
that endings are supposed to be beautiful
if it isn't
then it is not the end yet

i thought for once that forgetting you
was the hardest thing i will ever do
little did i know that going back
to the way i used to be
before you came
will be harder
that i am still here
trying

may you continue
reaching your dreams
even if sometimes
it is too far
even if sometimes
it is too hard
may you never get tired
of moving forward

when you call her love
do i ever cross your mind?
how we exchanged wishes to the ocean and sky above
that may we meet one day hug each other tight

when you call her love
do i ever cross your mind?
how i wrote poems for you
and how you also make one for your sweet reply

when you call her love
do i ever cross your mind?
because that love used to be me
i am once your galaxy, once your sunshine

maybe it's just right
if i tell you the truth
you are loved
you are valued
you deserve all the good things  in the world
it's okay to be sad
it's okay to be angry
your feelings are valid
don't let the world tell you otherwise

is happiness a goal we ought to achieve
or a choice that led us chase our dreams?
do we achieve greater things in order to be happy
or are we happy that we continue our fantasy?

when life seems too tough
remember to look back
and see how far you made
in this journey of life
give yourself a smile
some pat on your shoulder
and whisper to yourself
"you are doing great,
tomorrow is another chance to be better"

living in a world
where giving up is not a choice
is indeed cruel
suffocating and absurd
pushing one's limit
to reach a goal
leaving yourself empty
a burned-out soul

make yourself a cup of coffee
eat your breakfast on bed
listen to your favorite song
go with the melody and dance along
give yourself some time
to rest, live, and laugh
oh loving yourself above all
is indeed the greatest love

You taught me how to hold a pen and turn my emotions into words like never before. How to create metaphors and play with words that I never did before we met.

You made it easy for me to write a poem by simply staring at the vast galaxy in your eyes and listening to your voice. I can visualize my love for you by simple putting it into words and utter those for you to hear my prose.

You turned me into what I am right now. An aspiring writer. A poetess wanna be. Someone who shed tears and used them as ink in every piece. Someone who bleeds metaphors from the deepest emotion that I feel.

But now, everything has changed.

You taught me how to break my favorite pen. How to shatter my papers into pieces, breaking all the poems I made and never try to bring them back.

You made it hard for me to write another piece. For simply staring at you makes me want to forget every stroke I made in those paper. Hearing your name breaks my heart into pieces that I can't even utter a words to defend myself.

You made me hate those poems and never dare to write again because it's you that I remember everytime I write a poem or even a single prose. You made me shed tears and use my pen to make myself bleed, leaving scars in my wrist.

You taught me how to write made me hate writing at the same time.

some days are extra hard
but i hope you try
to be extra kind to yourself, too

what is the poet's purpose
if it forgets how to write?
how can the poet continue to breathe
without words in his mind
poems out of reach

just like water
you wash away those tears
and i drown into you constantly

...but the actual problem is that
i still write about you
you are still the sun in the sky
shining brightly in the morning
and setting so beautifully at dawn
yours is still the deepness of the ocean
i want to explore and dive into
you are still my 11:11 wish
the daydream i always miss
you are still the metaphor in every piece—
you are still the metaphor in every piece

i used to promise
to a poet within
"i will write a book
promise you'll be happy
for sure you'll be amused!"
so i wrote
and i wrote
and i wrote
but slowly my words
started to die
poems are dead
now i am unhooked
i cannot write
like how i used to before
i know i am done
i am done
and i am done
the poet within
is now out of tune
out of tune

in the end
i hope you choose yourself
because there is no other love
more beautiful than the love for one's self

genuine.
everlasting.

i am alone
staring at the ceiling from my bed
thoughts swirling
i cant get it out of my head
nightmares crawling
slowly but harsh
despite my eyes open
from nightmares i am trying to hide
i kept running and hiding
either asleep or awake they kept on hunting
i am seeking for help
silently im dying

you were that dream
who made me fear
the idea of falling asleep
and made me burst into tears
everytime i wake up

amidst those night
you are with me
and my calm soul
sleeping so soundly

you were the dream
i considered bad
but with you i know—
i am safe & sound

with the stars as my witness
i promise to love thee
above anything else
without bounds
forever and always

"kiss me like how you kiss the sky
shine for me like how you do every night
twinkle like how you always do
guide me as i walk towards you
and i promise to love thee
explore your soul like how i explore the sea
forever 'til eternity"

-
the oath of the fish to her beloved star

the stars tomorrow
are not as much as tonight
the moon so beautiful
won't be as bright as how it is right now
i must say
the world get's sadder and sadder
everyday

drowning in my own sea of sadness
i kept gasping for air
screaming for help
but i have nowhere to go
and nobody to hold

maybe ill just stay here
just drown myself more

lately life has been
too suffocating
that tears no longer
make me feel at ease
instead
it drowns me
into the depth
of sadness

i can no longer breathe

3 of 30

Pampering myself with the scent of the old ink,
The sound produced by the pen suddenly turns into a melody,
Letters collided and produced words,
Which indulged me as I turn them into metaphors

I started to define the curves of his lips,
How his tears flow down as he begins to bleed,
The way he laugh and make hearts skip a beat,
His anger and sorrow that turns up the heat

As I put the little details of him in each verses,
He began to learn how to use a pen and a paper,
Created a prose which contains lines,
Another being he is starting to define

A lady with long curly hair,
Fiery eyes which can easily tame,
Rosy cheeks and curvy lips,
He started to depict beauty― his poetry which isn't me

may you
never get tired
of loving the core
the universe–
and everything in between

and suddenly
i dont want
to write
anymore
my mouth
seems too tired
to utter
a word
hands
are too numb
to write a prose
mind
is too blank
heart
is no longer beating
too fast
i
just
wanna write
no more

you are my sun
but i know
you are rising
for someone else

we may have
stopped talking
but the memories
are still there
lingering
making me wonder
every night
what if i told you

what if i tried

somewhere down the broken lines
we will meet and know
the answer of all those hows and whys

how my truth is no longer you
and why your love is no longer mine

love arrived one day
and i know
that i am more than willing
to give all my heart and soul
without fear
all in
full of hope
because we don't know
when love will leave
or if it will ever try
to visit me once more