Sitting at the edge of a cliff
feet dangling in the empty air
seconds away from falling
from jumping
from slipping
aren't we all just seconds away from disappearing
all it takes is one second
one gunshot
one car
one slip
and we could be gone
life is so delicate
all the people fighting screaming yelling
over nothing
because one day none of this will matter
the only thing that matters is that we lived and loved
and right now I feel like I should jump
but I won't
I can't
because
I have a mother and a father who love me very much and I simply can't break their hearts
so the days when I feel like giving up
when I feel like breaking
when I feel like puking and cutting and drowning
I need to remember that one day it will all be worth it
there is going to be a tomorrow
I sometimes forget that there is a tomorrow
find the last sliver of happiness in your soul
walk away from the edge
sometimes the best thing to do is absolutely nothing
I am learning that life is not about dying
we aren't born to die, we are born to try.
don't jump.

I have never let myself get close to someone
I always run before I can get attached
Because leaving hurts
and getting left hurts
so I avoid it
but I met this boy
he makes me kind of crazy
he has curly brown hair and a cute smile
last night he came over and we talked for two hours
two o' clock am
we were just talking
I dont know why I love talking to people at night..
but I honestly do
He says he may be in love with another girl
and I said okay.
because I am always left to pick up the pieces
he will come back eventually
it just hurts
because I am falling for a boy
who is not falling for me.

I try so hard to be the best,
But it seems my best is trouble.
I find myself making the same mistakes.
I tell myself no, but I lose control.

God are you still listening?
Have you given up on me?
Or am I giving up on myself?
The void in my heart is getting worst.

I'm surrounded by people,
But not by light.
Is heaven out of my reach,
Or is it too late?

All these questions,
Filling my head.
I reach out,
But nothing is there.

I don't want to live this way.
Save me from my mind.
Slipping away into insanity,
Are you there?

Am I worth saving?

Lavender makes me sick
Vanilla makes me cringe
Set me free from olfactory memory
The smell is much too thick

I'll sing my own funeral song
And attend my wake alone
I'll write and read my eulogy
And drive my hearse home.

I'll sing my own funeral song
Send my own soul to rest
I'll pray over my casket
And mourn my life and death.

I'll sing my own funeral song
Place a single flower on my grave
I'll out myself into the ground
And cover my stilled face.

i probably shouldn't
but i already have
so don't try to stop me now
i don't want to die anyhow
just trying to mask the hurt
it's been two years to the day
i feel no better
i feel no worse
i just know bile gathers in my throat
and tears well up in my eyes
and i still remember the phone call
when they told me you died
oh how i cried
how i still cry
we cry
as a community
you gave us immunity
to the bad
you proved God would prevail
we saw you stumble at times
but never did you fail
a dad
a brother
a friend
why did your life have to end?

and every time this year i can't sleep
just a pile of pillows at my feet
the alcohol just gave me a headache
so i move on to something stronger
as i wait for it to get easier
the night just gets longer
midnight strikes and the day is here
and you're still gone
dead
like a retired song
just when i thought my heart was healed
it's remained broken all along
come on friend
come back and laugh again
hug me like you used to
fill me with that everlasting life
the beauty of you
in this empty void of grievance
in that absence
***** and pills will have to do

i ain't proud, no
but you had to go
and that's okay
i will be alright
i will get through this day