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 Jan 2016 L
s
Torn
 Jan 2016 L
s
I love the things that I know are wrong.
I love tearing myself apart
A peice of pretty scrapbook paper being torn into shreds.
I stopped puking cutting bruising
I started searching for ways to destroy myself from the inside out
Socially acceptable ways
By the time people notice
It will be too late
I'm stuck.
 Dec 2015 L
s
Meds
 Dec 2015 L
s
I'm trying
I have called for help
I have kept going
Done everything they said to do
And none of its working
Its like I have a knife in my neck and people keep checking my legs to find the problem.
I don't know if that makes sense
I don't think I make sense.
Going to start taking meds again
It makes me more suicidal
But it makes my mom happy
Makes her feel like she is helping
Makes her feel like I am trying to be better
Mom I am trying
My head just hates me and I don't know how to make it stop
I've given up.
Idkidkidkventsesh
 Dec 2015 L
s
People talking.
 Dec 2015 L
s
Chill out
Take your meds
Don't worry
Just be normal
Stop stressing out
Talk to someone
You're not okay
You need help
Stop crying
Wake up you're an adult now
Why don't you want help
I want to help you.
Dear people who keep telling me this I honestly am so tired right now. I am trying to please too many people.
But I guess that's all I live for anymore
I live for other people.
So nevermind keep talking
Keep going
Cause I need it.
I'm so tired of this
 Nov 2015 L
s
well
 Nov 2015 L
s
tonight the shadows smothered me
a sheet of black
I cant quite see the light through all the shadows
I try to get them off
but its too hard and tonight I am giving up
tonight I'm tired
tonight I just want to be done to be alone
I want someone to shine some light
except I don't
cause I find peace in shadows
which I know is twisted
but it is the truth.
I want to die.
Idk
 Nov 2015 L
Just Melz
Just because
I don't have the right
To be jealous
That doesn't mean
That I'm **not
 Nov 2015 L
hollowings
Fallen sirens
 Nov 2015 L
hollowings
Sometimes when we
Kiss
People we aren't supposed
To
Feel fireworks but the
Fall
Of a siren alerting nuclear disaster
In
The  near future. It's not
Love
It's catastrophe.
 Nov 2015 L
hollowings
Me
 Nov 2015 L
hollowings
Me
I try to depress and
repress
my depressing
tendencies
They are tendrils in seas
and stormy in skies
lies about guys, and
grandmas who die.
Probably what I think about when driving 80 miles an hour down the road, with nothing on my mind but the pain I havent felt.
 Nov 2015 L
hollowings
I originally wrote "its funny" as the first line
however I dont think
its funny
I started liking you far too long ago
and I got stuck on the Argo sailing
in sorrow under the statue of Rhodes.
I started writing a poem a day
just to impress you and I realized that
i only ever impressed myself

You like our car side conversations
maybe because I keep good company
or maybe because you were actually interested
in the hopelessness that
I am.
I start to make you a black hole
and I am past the event horizon.
Sunlight only escapes through my words.
My open lips meet your parted sentences
cut short by the warmth of human breath.

I made you into poetry
but I should have followed my sisters advice
and not smashed you into my poetry books
I should not have swirled the words of your
glassy blue eyes into golden threads
binding ancient books.
Thats where I went wrong.
I cared to much.
Our path wasnt a lambda where two paths meet to make one
we were an x
bold on the page but
only crossing for a mere moment.

I dont regret any of it. I just wish
you knew that I meant all of it.
Pretty poems
and movies on weeknights.

Masquerades hiding our feelings.
I never even asked where you stood.
What your mask meant.
What it was hiding.
I showed up to the ball dressed like art
and you were cinderella
waiting for her prince charming.
I shatter glass slippers.
and arrange the fresh fragments into
an ugly spectacle
of futility.

We are schrodingers cat
locked in a box.
Im just afraid that I am pandora
and that the hope of us died
when I observed the radioactivity within.
Cancer cells on skin
you called them cute moles.

I guess I kinda just wanted you to be mine,
and I always knew
that
Good guys
stay stuck at home
watching star wars box trilogies.
Dreaming of their Leia.
Id rather be George Lucas. I think.

This stopped making sense to me the moment
That I decided to make it about you
so Im going to end it

here.
SRS
 Nov 2015 L
hollowings
Resolutions
 Nov 2015 L
hollowings
The crisped air shuddered soundly through my cracked window
Carefully weaving wistful wanderings into my mind
lacking of self pity and doubt
Im taken back to a time about
a year or so ago
when money didn’t matter
and I still had a home

Now I’m sitting in a tahoe
shootin arrows at apollo
wondering if Ill ever find
where all my wasted wishes go
cuz the timer reads 11:12
just a minute past those dreams are shelved
and I’m lost in october
finding out my mental states desolved
resolving resolutions made at 11:59
287 days ago
not quite sure if can make it 68 more
and still be fine.
 Sep 2015 L
hollowings
My thoughts are the slots
Put a coin in to play
Two pennies for some sense
Since the banks recompense
the poor sitting on a lower shelf
The rich are empty, lost themselves
Attached to puppet strings
Pulled up by faceless masters
faster full of things
Stop. Cut your strings.
Sell the loans and mortgage debts
Escape the ensnaring nets
Look. Now you’re free.

Fear is free just look at me
Im stuck inside with my soul to hide
a sinful slip up ups my chance
My tongue is doing the liars dance
Two toes on point, or into finger guns?
That’s the one that I still fear
the freedom to do, drive the car, yes steer.
Drive away or drive by
to these feeling on the sidelines
second string emotions turn
with stinging motions. Burn
my offing notions with a note
not a hundred grand but a modicum
I lay in my bed try to sleep, feeling none.


The slots spun a short win
when I put my two cents in.
Now the lump sum is sitting dumb
My thoughts are dimmer
I’m the loss when I’m the winner.
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