When did it become instinct to **** in my stomach when I speak
As if my words were something that needed to be contained
And my body ashamed
When did I start believing that being curvaceous
Meant I couldn't be vivacious
That I needed to hide
And lose my pride
As if my weight defined
Who I could be
And my tummy would remind
That that everyone could see
My imperfections
These are my confessions
I am self aware
I care
About others judgements
And the way that I am perceived
So I try to make adjustments
Yet I never succeed

I want to be the monkey bars
Not the fingers
The fingers grasp and clutch
But the monkey bars don't care much
The monkey bars stand tall
An object of awe
But the fingers are scared
Of dropping in the lava below
Burning from the blisters they give
Unable to let go
They hold
Trying to be strong
Letting the monkey bars make them rough
Terrified of being alone
Stuck in the lava with no home
The fingers are weak
They don't understand the true power they seek
Is happiness without pain
Which they could obtain of they just let go and fall into the lava below
Because it's a myth
It doesn't burn
To be alone
It's absolute bliss
Though the monkey bars they will miss
The lava burns away the pain
Leaving only happiness to gain

Crying
I bully myself
No tears
No weakness
Suffer in silence
I will not hear your sobs
Do not cry out from pain
Breathe in
Breathe out
Feel your anger
Not your sorrow
Feel your bitterness
There's no tomorrow
Do not be weak
Do not cry
Do not let them see
Stop being stupid
Stop being worthless
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
No one cares
Stop caring
It doesn't matter
Nothing matters
You look so ugly when you cry
You're so ugly
Why are you so awful
Why am I so awful
Why am I so mean to myself
I don't deserve this
I do deserve this
I deserve to cry
I deserve to die

She's a purple laffy taffy
Just a tiny bit snazzy
But not in the least bit ******
She's always got a joke
To lighten the mood
And maybe share a Coke
Though sometimes she's a difficult brand to be chewed
she's blunt
And doesn't bother putting up a front
Her wrapper makes you laugh
But her insides are just like a gaff
She's a rock in the cold light of day
But an ocean in the warm breeze of May
She is a mystery
With a long history
She doesn't always feel good enough
Because the other taffys are saying that's she's rough
But she's got her own thing going
Even without the other taffys knowing
So you can keep on throwing rocks
But one day
she's gonna knock off your socks

Hit me.
Don't hurt me.

Ode to the belt
And how nice it never felt
Ode to the fist
That knew just how to make my stomach twist
Ode to the bruises
Which left no excuses
Ode to my jaw
For that punch it never quite saw
Ode to my ears
All those nights when I could hear my brothers' tears
Ode to my dad
And every time he's ever gotten mad
Ode to the world
And every obstacle its hurled
Ode to ode
And how well it never quite bode