Lying awake, I stare at the ceiling,
Wondering if I'll ever regain any feeling.
Trying to lay still, I still feel like I'm falling,
Listening to the cries of my memories calling,
Flooding my thoughts, causing me pain,
Binding my mind with these freezing cold chains.
Now I must wait till those thoughts are all gone,
But by the time that does happen, it's already dawn.

Depression isn't when you know
That everything around you
Is going wrong
and you feel sad,
Depression is when you know
That everything around you
Is going right
And you still feel you sad.

My confusion troubles me
My wondering depresses me
And my knowledge grows heavily
And the icing on that cake is everything I hate about me

you can't explain to someone how it's always raining
you know how hard it's poured for the last year
only you know how many times you've fallen and the water is ankle deep
don't you dare try to explain to someone who is only sunshine that you're drowning
the water is everywhere and they never knew you didn't know how to swim
don't bother telling them
they couldn't ever understand
people keep telling you to stand up they repeat it over again and again
stand up they say it's not that deep
but only you know how the water has built up inside you and only a cut can relieve the pressure
but you're five months clean and you just have to battle the ocean waves which are stronger than you
one day you might be stronger than the raging waves but as of tonight you are not
so I'd learn how to swim if I were you

The word bipolar can put fear in your heart
Because you’ll never know when it will start.
Also known as manic depression and it can become
A lifelong obsession.
Wondering when the next bout of fear will enter you
And if you know just what to do.
It is like the devil trying to take your soul
And it becomes a battle of control.
Most times in order for you to live
You must take the meds that they give.
If your child is bipolar or autistic, will you love them any less?
I don’t think so is my guess!
The LORD puts a child where he / she belongs
With a person he knows is strong.
The strength of the parents helps them to cope
With the problems old and new, and that is
Something that they do.
Let us be a little realistic, not many crimes
Are committed by bipolar or autistic
So how can they use words like crazy, retarted or handicapped
When against us the cards are stacked,
When this becomes a challenge close to home
Remember that you’re not alone.

As the cold air of November beings to settle in
I feel the warmth of the happiness I once had
Being drained out of my body.
My eyes feel heavy,
I can't eat again.
My thighs are once again marked
with the expression of my sadness.
empty.
A constant roller coaster
I can't get off of,
for the past five years
I've been going straight down
with small, sharp peaks
of a temporary happiness
that always slips through my hands

I made myself
Shoot friends and family
In the head

I'm "dreaming" again

I felt myself
Begin to fall
Off the cliff

I'm "dreaming" again

I watched you
Slide the knife
Across my skin

I'm "dreaming" again

I feel your
Hands on
My body

I'm "dreaming" again

I run to
Save my sister
But am never there in time

I'm "dreaming" again

I lose myself
In a horrible
Maze if terror

I'm "dreaming" again

I keep myself
Awake all night
So I don't feel this

*The nightmares are back