The hands on the clock
Swear that they're ticking.
But I don't hear a sound.

****,
Every second feels like an hour.
Yet somehow,
I still manage to lose track of time.

The last time I checked
I was hardly 16 years old
Shaking, alone,
Clenching a razor on my bedroom floor,
Pleading to god,
Pleading to anyone who would listen.
Take the pain away.
Or to just take me away.

But you see
I just looked up
And now I'm almost 20, going to college
Trying to balance the worlds weight
On my fragile shoulder blades.

I could tell you the square root of i
And what the Odyssey is all about.
What I couldn't tell you,
Is what I've done the past four years.
It's all a blur
*** the clock keeps on ticking
Producing static in my brain

The worlds spinning so fast I can hardly see

I want the dirt to bury me
6ft under.
Underneath all of the snow

Until the cold finally,
freezes over my wintergirl heart
Until its muffled "boom, boom"
Is put to a final rest
And all thats left to be heard is
The clocks hands
Tick...tock....

shattered glass
and satin waterfalls
mix better than you'd think

it's bitter, but it's good
you know what i mean?
Take the good with the bad,
that sort of thing.
I don't know...
Your lips are soft.

and maybe its good how much I've been hurt
'*** the next time I fall
it won't hurt half as bad.

I'm getting better, I think.
One day at a time.
But sometimes, I walk back into the dark closet
in the very back of my mind,
and let the skeletons and monsters out,
just for a second.
but sometimes, those monsters,
they have a way of taking over.
I should just stop going back there.

I've got a problem with letting go,
and with missing people.
I can't lose my grip.

I want to be your anchor,
something to ground you
but not to hold you down.

I am searching.

a dizzy dreamer
stuck in a bland reality
waiting in line
to get to the next destination

where are we going again?
"i don't quite know!
But I do know we'll get there!"
I want to hop of this endless train ride
or take a detour

I need adventure
I need life again
and I need you

There's a really cute boy
Who's third eye glows like lightning bugs do on blissful summer nights.
His heart seems so passionate
He could use its red hot heat to light his blunts.
And his mind expansive, sea upon sea.
He's a wordsmith, and a philosopher
With a vocabulary that sort of turns me on,
And a body that does ten times more.
His unique way of thinking
Suggests interesting ***.
A body I'd love to explore
And a mind I'd love to know.
Stay around,
let's see how things go.

today
i am a winter girl
with hands like ice
and a body temp of 20 below

today i am an anorexic
eating reluctant bite
after reluctant bite
counting each and every calorie
trying to calm my nerves

today i am a **** up daughter
who drove her car off the road
and lied to her parents saying
"someone else caused it"

not today, but every day
i am withering more and more
color fading
desire dwindling

im laying alone
in the same bed where we once made love.
smothered in blankets
that long for your long thin body

I look at my window
and your names still etched in
i dont have the heart to clean it.

Your ***** in a box
In my parents room-
Collecting dust
And quietly whispering
"Reminisce" softly
Down the back of my neck

why do things have to spoil?
whys the thing that hurts feel the best?
why is it that no matter what the sun and moon do
no matter how hard they try
they are a world away.

no matter what I do
I don't think I'm made for you

..and that really hurts.