I'm 60 lb. overweight making me a fat *****
I'm ugly as hell
I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer
I **** at pretty much everything
So alone
So weak
So cowardice
I can't stand to God anymore because I can't stand what I've done
I have no business being happy or seeing any light in anything

Turn around and its always near
Shadows of a broken mirror
About, you face, or right behind
Having little faith in mind
You turn around and run to hide
From the silhouette inside
Jagged reflections start to overtake you
Fear, anger, and sadness are in its brew
And when it finally envelops you whole
All Hopes will force you to fall down that deep hole

I am in a constant haze
And try to convince myself it's just a phase
But it's just the same
As those days that make my name

My dreams feel like reality
And reality, as intense a dream can be
It's a lulling sadness hovering overhead
Like a giant thunder cloud, raining dread

And I hate my life for this and much more
Causing pain to this living corpse
Is the only way to survive longer
But even with this the darkness grows stronger

It's actually back
It's that pit in my stomach
Lump in my throat
Weight on shoulders kind of feel
And I know what it leads to
I've been down this road too many times not to
There's never a going back from this point
I must ride it to the end
But this will be the last
I will not do this again
This is the last time
For better, but most likely, for worse

I am afraid for the person I was two weeks ago
And for the one I will be one week from now

The constant torture of being in two minds in one place
Keeping up with two outlooks on one topic

Because when I'm in these moments I have no control
You could say one never really loses sight of themselves
But then you'd be lying

You see I do every night when I'm in this state
I know the outcome, the end of it all
And take it with open arms and chin upheld to the evils of everything I squandered

CeLlAr DoOr
cElLaR dOoR
cELLAR dOOR
cellar door

Cellar Door:
The most beautiful comprised set of words in the English dictionary

Why?

It could be the similar endings or how the shapes of the C and D are parallel
It could be the double letters in each word that are located right in the middle of both
Yet it could also be the way it, so easily, slides up your throat and escapes you mouth while it still ruminates on the tip of your tongue

But I personally believe it is not the letters or the sounds
It is the mystery of that one "Cellar Door"

What lies behind the "Cellar Door"?
Where does this "Cellar Door" lead to?
Can you imagine the beauty of this "Cellar Door"?

The perfection of this word is that of which the eyes cannot see and the ears cannot hear