On the outside she slays
To people she's a party animal
People love the way she smiles
She takes entertainment to a whole new level
She always smiles
On the outside she looks happy
People clap for her now and again
She gets compliments on how she balances her life
On the inside she is lonely
She is hollow
She needs someone to heal her
On the inside she has a hurricane
One that comes when she is alone
Her pillow has turned into a dam of tears
On the inside she needs someone
On the outside she looks sociable
On the inside she is insecure and barely trusts
She looks like she has a lot of friends
But when the day ends
Her teddy and her pillow are her only friends

Sequestered I am
Heart bleeding out
A lump in my throat
A scar cut too deep
Left out
I search for my own closet
Broken
Pieces so many I can't feel any peace
The pace of my pulse seems to be slowing down
The load is too much
I've lost my craves
Self esteem crushed
I can hear the walls gossiping about me
Everyone that laughs seems to be laughing at me
My soul demands to go
Could someone reach out for me
No they mock
So I meet my demands

Friendship
Through anger
You turn me into a sheep
Although we may look cheap
But no chip can carry the good memories we have
Through all you are the best thing I have
You complete me
No one can compete with you
My heart is empty without you
Come fill me up to my full capacity
You are a real buddy
Not just a body with a soul
More like a sole of my life
The jump starter of my heart
Hearts beating at the same rate
Now I rate our friendship with a five out of five
We fight more often
But I'd rather be in your flight than to be an orphan
I will not call you a bestie
But I will call you an only
To me you are family

I envy you because you have both parents
But you mistreat them
I envy you because you were given a chance for education
But you bunk classes just to smoke drugs
I envy you because you have a roof over your head
But you choose to throw unauthorized parties
I envy you because you have something called a “room”
And yet you’ve turned it into a *** lounge
I envy you because you are fertile but you keep on taking abortions
I envy you because you have a high ***** count
But you mistreat your children
I envy you because you always have food on your plate
But then you complain on how it tastes bad and you throw it away
I envy you because you have a grand mother
Yet you say she lacks wisdom and is boring you with her endless fairytales
I envy you because you have clothes
Yet you complain and say you want ripped jeans and ripped t-shirts
I envy you because you still have your face and it isn’t ruined
But then you are busy destroying and covering it with makeup
I envy you because you’ve got a chance to celebrate Christmas
But you complain on how it always takes place at the same venue
I envy you because you do not know life
Yet you you walk around mocking people like you own the world
I envy you because you are not me

I WISH I HAD THE PRIVILEGES THAT YOU HAVE.

I've been told so many times that life's going to get better so I'm at a point that I'm not willing to accept that it won't. Life needs to stop treating me like ****. I don't care what it throws at me, I'm going to try to love every pebble, rock, and boulder. I'm going to be better and I'm going to do better even if I die trying. I'm going to ******* make it. I am going to be kind and giving and loving to everyone I see, even if they're awful to me. It's going to be a giant ******* to life. I'm going to fight for happiness.

I search for: your smile across the room, the furrow in your brows when you concentrate, your reassuring words of wisdom.
Is it wrong that I want to tell you all my deepest darkest secrets?

I long for: you touch below the table, your hands on mine in secret, your head on my shoulder.
Is it wrong that I want it to be something more?

I dream of: your eyes looking into mine, the way you run your hands through your hair, your chuckle in between jokes.
Is it wrong that all I want to do is feel your lips on mine?

I love: the way you drink your tea, how you are so incredibly kind to everyone, and you, you, you.
Is it wrong that I love you?

I don't know how long I can pretend that I'm not rotting from the inside out.

I use a giant silver spoon to carve it out, pretend its ice cream, pretend its happiness, pretend its temporary. Every time I scoop, I'm closer to the bottom of the pint; but what's there at the bottom?

I look fine in your periphery, so what's there to worry?

I'm not bad at pretending, I'm just bad at being un-ugly.

I hope you don't mind,
This only almost rhymes –
These things I meant to say –
It's more fitting this way.
We were never in sync,
On two different wavelengths.

But I held back so much,
Briefly felt and left untouched:
Like how you made me feel
Like lowering my shield
And laying my heart bare
To entrust in your care.

But they rapidly passed;
Those warm feelings fled fast,
For you chased them away –
It would have just delayed
The inevitable pain,
Ignited more destructive flames.

Still, I got burned away
Despite what I didn't say.

My solace...
I can spend a lifetime in your arms,
crying, laughing, sleeping in your embrace.
I spend most of my days lost in your charms.

You feel like a summer night in December.
Long chats & slow strokes. You remember?
You taste like my favourite wine..
Coffee, grapes, cherries; oh so fine.

You feel like home.
You smell like home.
You taste like home.
You are my home.

The view from the top completes me.
I hear you breathing, you're grabbing; consume me.
The pounding reminds me of heaven,
a place I've never been to but I'm sure its like you Kevin.
I'm in love with a god, I'm floating.
I wrote this poem in my head while he was stroking.

You let me write while I was on a ride,
because you know this is all for you.
An adventure,  I'm in the sky.
I could go on forever about everything you do.

You feel like home.
You smell like home.
You taste like home.
You are my home.