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NuBlaccSoul Apr 29
be – becoming being*

Our war is a spiritual war. The great depression is our lives* – Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

I remember her.
But I remember her differently
now.

She was melody,
a sweet-sounding summer song.
Ballads bellowed below, brass bass
reverberated, thumping. Round gongs
going gag.
Her eyes spoke the misery of worlds weeping,
Yet, with a smile
Brought peace to a ravaged soul.
Memories morphed into melancholy
Our dry bones with melting marrow
of pain cracks again
Letting it seep through cracks of a once
whole heart,
though to be incapable of feeling

Redemption – left for dead – rose.
Wallflowers wallpaper into still reds.
Red of blood, reds of passion, red of danger,
reds of sins.
Sin that not even the lucid can avoid.
Velvety crimson haemorrhaging life.

Becoming being. Be. Breaking black.
A scene of a thousand and one sunsets,
A sight of a freedom of doves only to be a cage
of crows, crying. captured. enclosed in a darkening
memory.

Flaking coffins of my palate
coronium incence with crow craniums
Imphepho smoking the air inviting the future
to witness the past to see what yesterday blew into
now.

Galloping eyes tracking along this rented tent.
Tentative.
Her hand planted on my ****** canvas
stained my natural state to resemble
her unstained unnatural state.
We bury grown grudges in the ground,
between the granite and the shrouded ghoul,
tucked in like borrowed breath where death
dies, and life stretches
its nucleus beyond body.

X, with forgivable sins and unforgettable flaws,
faults and ****-ups.

A departing enigma of arrival.
Cell One below
The Fifth Chamber of the Pits planked
neatly wound around the whirling netherworld
the land of the dead undergoing going undead
the abode of the ******, drowning
eternal dam of damnation, sinking
Some shades so summer:
Gehenna;
Abominable Abaddon;
Acheron;
Avernus;
Sheol;
Hades;
Tartarus;
Tophet;
Nifhei­m.

I remember her.
She would remember me differently.
Only as a thought of momentary joy,
An anomaly of an intimate feeling too great
to define.
We were calms amidst of tornadoes.
An avalanche taking over her very being,
her effervescent existence dissolving dizzily
Pulsing through her veins torpedoing, consuming
the inner faculties – the fabrics of the core.

Plastic spring, summer-bright bundled
an autumn animosity and wintery nu-ness
a calm sandy beach with a mayhem of waters
consumed and controlled by elemental thirst.
When the waters come you won’t survive the
waves.
By the time you run, it’ll be swimming against
Currents
An electrifying, electrified pulse of push-punching-shove
tide, tucking safety and tidely in the underbellies of
underleague seas of oceans, bundles of memories below
Beneath Patrick’s rock, exhaling energies from
one lung to squirrel trees.
Money-watering branches.
Twigs in their twilight on an orange afternoon.
Yellow was her blue and her blues.

I remember her.
But I remember her differently now.
Be-coming.
Be-ing
Be.

I have not been home since 13yo
Only a hole
A bundle of dirt, concrete and doors,
Dug out dung sprouts up from a molehill
Caving in.
The house stands. Streets unchanged.
Names named a-new.
People/Animals uncaged. Minds/mannerisms still chained.
The house stands.
9 years since I was last home.
The house that habited home is here, still.
I have not been home.
Nowhere is Home.
4our walls broken like the fourth wall
Home is somewhere not here.
I have not felt home since hands felt, fell
frantically out from my foul mouth,
index finger first  
having lept out,
up from bubbling and bellowing bellies.

Hanging aimlessly at a cauldron.
Caudro on, mokey Margate weather.

A few of us quite simply, and sadly
do not have homes that vibe friendly
enough to call home.
Homes that stretch sufficiently wide
and tower tall enough
to call home.
To protect our reality.

---
Buy my poetry collection here:

https://libros-agency.co.ke/product/chickens-laying-eggs-on-the-roof

© 2013-2019. Phila Dyasi. All rights reserved. All poems are the intellectual property of Phila Dyasi. NuBlaccSoul ™.
If chickens laid eggs on the cannon, what literature would hatch? This is ancestral, past-life reading; this is meditation and prayer; this is future telling, a spiritual fair. philadyasi’s debut collection of poems, Chickens Laying Eggs on The Roof, emerges out of a need to offer a nuanced socio-political commentary on the personal and public space. Shifting between different temporal realities, it all collides into a colourful body of work that spreads itself across spectrums; nowhere and everywhere.

philadyasi, also known as nublaccsoul, is a media, communication and cultural studies scholar. Born and raised in the KwaZulu-Natal province of South Africa. Phila currently lives in Port Elizabeth, where he is both a student and works part-time as a writer. He lives by the motto: Do better; be better.  Phila has featured his poetry in, ‘Experimental Writing: Africa Vs Latin American’ anthology (2016); two anthologies by the Nelson Mandela University, ‘Piece by piece’ (2015) and ‘Carved onto the page’ (2017), Editions: 7 - 10 and 12 of the Cape Town based e-zine, ‘Ja’ (2016-8); international online SWITCH Magazine October 2017 edition; and  www.hellopoetry.com

© 2013-2019. Phila Dyasi. All rights reserved. All poems are the intellectual property of Phila Dyasi. NuBlaccSoul ™.

Chickens Laying Eggs on The Roof available here:

https://libros-agency.co.ke/product/chickens-laying-eggs-on-the-roof
NuBlaccSoul Apr 28
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kuPhila abafileyo, apha

the journey is much more important than the destination.
we have been floating alone.


traveling, trailing, tracking – triumphantly.
this ferris ******* wheel
of energies,
the ride that ends not,
a railway of no terminal,
poetry giving refreshed lungs
to the bare, burnt trunks
of the tree of life.

i breathe again

my garden blossoms and blooms wild,
with unplanted developments sprouting summerly
every autumn.

waves of sadness crashing past shore
with sure, steady, oscillating regularity
to want to die a little less each leap year is
significant
and insignificant
as a colony of ants
swimming and swaying to the sounds
of the roaring skies above, to lead to a twin of earthquakes
stretching the ground like tyga marks, in a butterfly effect.

talk to me, what about this text?

caped saviours who could not save themselves
the skin from drum peels itself off the iris of the drum,
seeing songs, sing-song
nature’s nutshell
folding into self.

this cruel world,
calculative at its core
cold characters
callous caricatures
of an old earth,
crying rebirth’s resurrection
death unfolds into birth
birth baby’s death
between present, past,
and projected is the passing
now – apha!

amor fati

what will be, shall be
i do not know
nor care.

society sours septic,
like septimus smith,
my cynicism circles my hope
rotting like summer flesh
fresh of sprouting spring
these dead waters
taste like the wrong end of the river.

How long have you been here?

a timid time before the sun sat down
many moons ago
when the winds of birth blew westward
eastwatch towering over the dying, dead
graveyard shift at the maternity ward,
biblical cord
split between where lucifer turns devil

we ain’t cut from the same fabric,
but an army of One
feeding ghosts this manifesto
of life, ukuPhila.

--- the world has no end
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NuBlaccSoul Feb 2018
We are forgotten yesterdays of tomorrow,
note-booked mementos on thighs time travelled,
back from the future, few tsha-tsha with flashes,
blackouts and gray-matter gashes
The slurred dance of good memory,
crib-notes on collar-bones,
bare chest, a loose tie, knots, not around neck
formal education white-suits, tucked-in remembering.

A formal date chasing me indoors.
chasing me into doors of consistent
nurturing nature of the neuro
doors on the right, left doubt outside.
A manner of hindsight sighs.

Running back to tomorrow to save my 4 unborn children
from my present past. Amnesia.
The pendulum swings in reversed backwards.
Forward is just an antithesis, poor protest-art
An analogue, roman-concept coded in digital now.
Fraudulent, faux and pseudo. We look at the sun
to tell day from night. Progress practising stillness
Passage of pain frozen in time,
sun is amber lantern,
phantom of what & who has risen,
out of resin's
suspended-infinity-loop prison.
The bitterness of honey stings
sour-sweet on the taste buds of trauma.
Strolling up memory lane, compassion
for former faults. Less envy, only empathy
Fragments of a broken dream further smashed
can’t fill in the gas smothered cracks.

We died many deaths.
A mass burial, a mountain of bodies brewing
under the garden, the slumbering soil wakes.
3 is the number of perfect balance and god.
Ma’, Sister, and I.
Mother died the day Doctor
told her that the body she named
Home was evicting her, with a 10-year-notice.
She must have watched herself
watch herself
sitting on covered couches
thinking what a theft of life
this holy trinity is –
what is left
to see
here?

I saved all pain of breaking
bones for this,
I ran in opposites, dislocated my hip
tore tender tendons, I have a Belgian-Congolese tendency
never stood for much but numbness
an absence of nothing because
feelings ****.
I saved haunting ghosts of night for day
For this day
For today.
All these reservoirs of resilience won’t be enough,
ever.

I wept
winter sunsets –
to remind my new self on the coldest of nights
that once time was warm days
a slice of life’s beauty in Redemption.

Efforts tuck sweat under my arms,
gravity grounding my prideful chest down.

A bed of waves
afloat sober dreams
nightmares of wrinkled water
submarine my day dreams
and flowing peace.
Please be polite and let me be.

I now know, less hoarding.
A pair of paradox, or pandora's box: written by Phila Dyasi
Published by: NuBlaccSoul

To call it an existential crisis
would speak exclusively to a disturbance relating to the decaying case
that encapsulates my eternal hold of being.
NO!
This crisis is a crises extending to the infinite.
A philosophical and metaphysical troubled state.

NB: Please comment and critique and share :) Feedback is always welcomed.

(C) 2018. Copyrighted 19 February
2018 NuBlaccSoul™. All rights reserved. Please quote poem with author name, poem title and date published if sharing to external sites without the link or/and if sharing an excerpt of the poem.
NuBlaccSoul Aug 2017
My Name is Phila Dyasi.
I can’t remember who,
but some person
used to address me by my full name
and I took a liking to that.

My Name Is My Name.

My first name is life
Phila, to live, not simply to be alive.
Breathed into existence by uKhulu,
Phila badane abagxeki.
And yes, it’s my only one. No middle Christian name – thank Gran'

My Name is My Name.

Dyasi, my mother’s last name,
my grandmother’s maiden name,
my late great-grandfather’s last name,
uEzra Makhwenkhwe Dyasi. He preferred Ezra.
Dyasi, his father’s father’s fani, his great-grandpa’s only name – uDyasi.

Makhwenkhwe is a boyhood reference, an insult to a proud Xhosa man,
from eGcuwa nase Dutya. A man. Not a boy as these afrikaner ******* would say.
A man. A man of God. A devout man of God, Christian by faith. His name is Ezra.
Methodist by denomination, Ezra Dyasi was. In the name of the father, his is Ezra.
Married to Cecilia Nomaza Dyasi. Married to Nomaza Dyasi, uMaSobuwa, her name.

My Name is My Name.

We had beautiful names before the white men with the black book came.
We had beautiful names before they told us to name ourselves in translation.
Our names were powerful, rich with meaning before they invited themselves here.
Our forefathers’ names that told tales of our glory and beauty were discarded for theirs.
We chucked away our good names, in favour of meek ones.

Rolihlahla became Nelson.
Bantu became Stephen.
Mangalisa became Robert.
Thembisile became Chris’, short for Christopher.
Kalushi became Solomon.

Call me Phila Dyasi for short.
My nickname is Phila Dyasi.
“Ph-“ is not “F” you ****.
Please capitalise the ‘P’ and ‘D’.
I do not answer to “P.D.” any more.

Uncle Phil’.
Phillip.
Dr. Phil.
Pills-Philzit.
I could be Phila Dyasi, but my name is not my name.

My Name is My Name.

Phila-ni is not my name, that’s the other black guy
Joshua Mark, I only have one name but you cannot
bother remembering it right, my classmate of 5 years.
Phila-sande is not my name, the suffix is suffocating.
Fila is a sports brand, I am Phila Dyasi. Dyasi, Phila Dyasi.

My Name is My Name.

Ma’s name is Thembisa, Theodora is just a 1970s-safety-net.
Mama’s ma’s name is Nompumelelo. Mavis is political accommodation.
And well, Maxwell the headmaster is better than Thandabantu, uThisha oMkhulu.
My parents unlearning their old names, displacement navigating home, steadily so.
Transkei is Eastern Cape now. Ciskei is Eastern Cape now. What is in a name?

My Name is My Name.

I am not faith, grace, hope, joy
prayer, prudence, patience;
gratitude and forgiveness
is not my namesake.
I am not a product of translation, no.

My Name is My Name.

Mbali as in flower? – No, sir.
Mbali as in Mbali.
Can I call you “Q”? – Wait, a line or the letter?
Mama said, Qiqa, uQaphele, uQaqambe nto ka Qunta, qanda lam’
Lokugqibela. My existence to be reduced to a line or the latter?

My hoerskool boere buddy James,
we naturalised him Jabulani,
uMahluleli, uMbhele and myself,
gave him his BEE scorecard.
His mother a subtle, Christian racist.

Aah! iBhele elihle lase Lenge.
Khuboni, Qunta, Langa lokulunga.
noNtanda kuphakanyiswa.
Ndabezitha. Sonani singoni m’ntu.
Clan names. I am Phila of House Dyasi. The first of my name.

It’s not globalization, it’s colonisation in your colon,
the annals of white history are ****, call they by name.
The eagle saved the fish from drowning with its claws,
Call it by its name; Uncle News, Father Propaganda.
Where can we be Black, Becky?

I am not monkey, ****, kaffir, ******, *****.
I am not boy, *****, barbarian, uncivilised.
I am not primitive, predatory, sinful and stupid.
I am not native, tribe, village, jungle, bush.
And you, you are not chosen nor superior.

I am the Original Man.
Human. Hue Man.
I am the we I speak of in the book of beginnings.
My Name is the Name of Names, I am Phila Dyasi.

Born, 7th of Mahogany May. Made Man in Jet July. Black, Nubian consciousness.
The son of the sun, child of the soil, mothered by Lady Liberty, the original.
One with the earth. The warm people: the red, orange and yellow of the rainbow.
Africans fighting to be African in Africa. My black skin is on fire, a blue flame ablaze.
**I am still Phila Dyasi.
My Name Is My Name: written by Phila Dyasi
published by NuBlaccSoul

(C) 2017. Copyrighted 23 August
2017 NuBlaccSoul™. All rights reserved. Please quote poem with author name, poem title and date published if sharing to external sites without the link or/and if sharing an excerpt of the poem.
NuBlaccSoul Jul 2017
Pursuit of Happyness

I have spent countless hours
At church,
Pubs
And strip clubs.
With pastors,
Prostitutes
And drunkards.
In pursuit of happynes,
The truth
And fleshy desires.
Sang happy songs with Hedonists
Travelled with Nomads,
Got high with Rastas
And broke bread with Pariahs.
Camped on bended knees around
hell-like fires
To listen attentively to grown men
liars.

Slaughtered sheep,
Goats
And cows
For this little bit of sanity
And crowded peace of mind,
But my hands are smeared with
blood
And the dark cloud still looms
closely behind
Where the hell is this love?
I only know hearts for pumping
blood.
Not as an asylum for
Said feeling you people cannot
even describe.

And do you remember
When god said “let there be light!”?
I was unfortunate
And cast out
To write this poem
With my tongue in this grim dark
I am convinced collecting empty
beer bottles
and picking bread crumbs is my
birth right.
I am still in hot pursuit
And the journey now leads me
To a mad house.



Review**

We journey with the speaker through multiple contexts, tracing for a seemingly fleeting and insatiable feeling of contentment through discovery, trial-and-error and experimentation. In the many cultural and social spaces, we are introduced to: “Church / Pubs/…strip clubs” for which are institutions to cater to human needs in varying ways. A sense of seeking a ‘home’, the longing of a person wanting to belong in a set society could be interpreted as the message of this poem. A place of refuge, whether physical or otherwise, is sought and is never found. The unattainable asylum has been searched for within the confines of organized religion and in areas of ‘profanity’, and neither house the happiness the speaker wants. It appears that the search is for inner peace is pursued outwardly, and it is because of this that it is never attained. Furthermore, want can understand the subject not to be an individual but the personification of a place, that is ‘home’ to churches, pubs and strip clubs, but still has citizens who are not happy, a place where poverty exists even in the presence of church, pubs and strip clubs, institutions were money is found in abundance.
In wanting to make sense of the world, find comfort, balance and peace, and meeting the demands of life, all the while having faith and hope that a connection to the world will be made somehow. Church offers to fill the spiritual void of humans, pubs hope to pump gallons of socialisation down the throats of its regulars, a ‘holed-liver’ of fun, while strip clubs seek to fulfil the “fleshly desires” of our Hedonist core as humans, all contributing to the wholesome human experience.  With pubs being a platform for the social activity of drinking alcohol, we see this as an escape from the negative feelings, the chemical-imbalance causing beverage tends to remove the anxiety and stress. Also, in South Africa, drinking is a social norm, if fact one of the leading nations in consuming alcohol, furthermore if we examine the black community, particularly, this is customary. It is a behavioural expectation to as the speaker attempts to be one ‘fit in’ with his contemporaries, and not be relegated to the margins as nomads are, as gypsies are, as Rastafarians are, all minorities made ‘pariahs’ of society.
We get an idea that the state of mind of the speaker is deeply troubled and unsettled, perpetually anxious and stressed from his unending quest for ‘the truth’, that alludes him, and he cannot even receive it from the elders as they are deceptive – “grown men liars” in the first stanza. “For this little bit of sanity /And crowded peace of mind” of stanza 2 continues this image of mental instability. An “asylum” is mentioned in this stanza as well, an institution that provides care and protection to needy individuals, such as the infirm and destitute. It is a sanctuary, away from profanation and violation. Both physically and psychologically. It is a homely setting. Here one enjoys liberty from what is required by society and law for and from most people. It would appear that not even the feeling of love, “what the hell is this love”, can save the speaker from feeling like an outsider. He dismisses ‘love’ as “said feelings people cannot even describe”, an abstract concept that people do not comprehend therefore cannot practise. Stanza 3 sees the speaker reaching his destination, “And the journey now leads me/ To a mad house”. He has resigned his fate to insanity. Here he can find serenity. Ironically, he can feel a sense of connection to the world once removed from it. His spiritual transcendence, like prayer or meditation is his soloism. Isolation from the madness of life, and its many demands.
The intertextuality is rife herein, borrowing a number of images from the ‘Holy Bible’ to fit his spiritually rich poem and references. The first stanza’s chaos and the sliding scale from extreme holiness to extreme profanity, the polar opposites that are presented in closeness show how samey we are in our differences. We are united in our separateness. “Let there be light” from the Book of Genesis, Chapter 1, verse 3, represents the void, the darkness ceasing, the birth of something from nothing. The light here is not literal. The light of the world is man, as in ‘human being’. Human being who has dominion on all that happens on earth. The abject poverty presented in “picking up bread crumbs”, is a human construct, the great ill of neo-liberal capitalism, a zero-sum game that sees individuals with billions while some go without bread each day. As some would collect “empty beer bottles” to sell as to make money, to buy basics like bread, for example. This could also be a critique of the movie, “The Pursuit of Happyness”, the title of this poem, where the protagonist seeks for fulfilment in the material world. We can deduce that the speaker establishes his pursuit of happiness in the world outside of worldly things is of higher moral ground, or, that the for any community, more than money, we need to find spiritual fulfilment, or risk something of the most high value, our peace of mind – sanity.

| by NuBlaccSoul
[New-Black-Soul]
A poem review. Comment on the review, not the poem.
NuBlaccSoul Jan 2017
I'm reaching but never gripping,
It's soul ripping how they're preaching, yet aren't teaching.

I'll never hide,
even when I die.
I'll be immortalized
in some formaldehyde.
Where my soul and skin divide
I'll be like a deity,
the higher me,
doing the Lord's work,
hire me.

The humble apple pie
can satisfy no appetite
here comes the hunger tide.

When wings carried Icarus
through cutting winds
we were pulled feathers
of wisdom's birdy-body of ink
taking flight to Olympus planes
the son, seeks The Sun
OH-you.

I'm grown now,
dealing with chronic stress,
and I believe less in a deity,
it seems like too far a stretch
The stench from a faithless
Hopeless, homeless.
(C) 2016. Copyrighted 27th January
2017 NuBlaccSoUl™. All rights reserved. Please quote poem with author name, poem title and date published if sharing to external sites without the link or/and if sharing an excerpt of the poem.
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