because if life is something,

it‘s a delicate balance act

of gloom and doom
and overjoyous glee

of hardships and work
and all our time spent free

finding content in it
where it ought not to be

reaching common ground
between the you and the me

as were both sitting
underneath the orchard's tree

a sound
a rhythm
an anticipation of the next beat
a thrill for the coming melody
always moving, never still

and even in silence,
wonderful, filling

numbing thoughts, mending emotions
a practical solution to impractical things

a theoretical understanding of the senselessness of feeling

bringing order into the irrational chaos
giving meaning to overwhelming confusion
and most importantly

helping to understand yourself
helping to be yourself
grasping the very essence of existence

echoing in your mind
with pictures and sound
making you feel
whole
and true

carved into my brain
enduring the pain

etched into my heart
don't know where to start

thoughts forming in the dark
each trail leaving a mark

it influences every step
so many of which I regret

why was I never taught
that I too was someone to be loved?

my body worthy
even with skin so earthy

we do not realise what is instilled in us
something long needed to discuss

all we do is accept it as truth
never once questioned in our youth

now we blindly follow these falsehoods
but it takes a while to be fully understood

that those images burned in my mind
were from the beginning never kind

for I have been othered, fed a lie
am I but fodder? it made me cry

and now I simply fail to see
any beauty left inside of me

your unravelled self
is my favourite mess to sort through

so that way I may understand
what kind of fabric
you were made from

soft, like silk running through my fingers

warm, like woolen gloves made for winter

in the spun threads I uncover a story
and how you are clothed

in beauty untold

there's something that quite maddens me
I've always been a privileged one, you see

someone who gets to feel their muscles flex beneath their skin
outmatching the sun with a smile so bright and an always raised chin

earning the respect of my peers and all friends
the floods of praise and flattery knowing no ends

what a wonderful life, youthful and ardend
so how come that my fervent heart has so hardend?

because it's not a privilege, after all
so first was the rise, now here comes the fall

for these wings were made to soar, to fly
exploring the far beyond, above the blue sky

my body wants to feel the blood pumping
muscles tensing up while I'm jumping

the gold bronzen skin glistening in the lights
while I climb further and further, reaching new heights

this is what I crave, it is what I need
movement for my limbs and a mind that can feed

but how can I use my gifts and talents
if each and all are sacrificed for peasents

the ones that cannot do it, no skills of their own
relying on others for strength to loan

so tell me I'm gifted, tell me I'm blessed
because it's just not true, to that I attest

you can call me entitled, don't care if I am
but I want something else, to hell with this plan

so I shall slaughter these pigs, wade through their foul blood
no more will I obey, I will become god

so listen now, as the one who ascends
worship me for this is where it ends

thinking about it, I should've been more grateful
then again, too much praise

turned out to be fatal

Can you hear all the screaming and crying?
Can you bear the fearful calls of the dying?
Haunting, I say
They won't see another day

They've been long lost and far gone
Not a single thing to be done
For those who will perish
There's nothing left to cherish

Dull eyes, staring and gawking
Cruelly laughing, viciously mocking
Ignoring the tears
Evoking their fears

The true beasts who stand above us all
Keeping them up while making us small
Us having to carry
Not getting to marry

This broken country will never heal

I can feel their pain
Running through our veins

Hoping to ease the suffering
I promise,
it will soon begin

cold fresh breeze
softly caresses my skin
as i inhale the dark of a summer night

sudden bright light
reflecting in my eyes
illuminating the clouds for just a heartbeat

the sky is pulsating with flashes
breathing with rumbles

but it's the moments in between
making me wonder
if this is what life is all about

waiting, observing the distance
hoping for a sudden change
something that can shake me to the bone

or is it anticipation?
looking forward to the next lighting
cherishing the short instances of clarity

ripping the sky apart
so violent but so comforting from afar
the wind picks up and brings raindrops with it

i'd like to think it's both
the moments of tranquility
the moments of disruption

to me, that is life

i've come to appreciate
those summer storms

I remember sitting on my bed
waiting silently for you to turn the lights off

always hiding my emotions
but on the inside I was so soft

couldn't let anyone notice
had to seem unbreakable

no I wasn't crying
I've lost that ability long ago

and I truly know
I look so ******* ungreatful

but

I want to thank you
for helping me getting through
all of this

the night
it will end soon
can I hold on?

but I know
for every day anew
you will guide me furthermore



thank you.

how does one write about love?

it is much too grand to picture
not yet grasped by any scripture
only a fool would try describe it

as it's everything and all
a climb and a fall
a thing impossible to portray, I say

no words would ever do it justice
but now I know what true love is

for I get to feel
your gentle
touch

I adore you