01:52 am
have you ever asked yourself like why you so lonely?*

01:53 am
or empty?

that maybe you give too much of your essence to people and never leave any of you for yourself

01:55 am
i know i do

02:05 am
and like that's maybe why i get so attached to humans

because in them,
i find myself

02:07 am
i need to change, because things shouldn't be this way

02:10 am
but it's hard sometimes you know, when most days you don't leave the house because you feel unworthy of the space you take up

02:16 am
so you'd much rather disintegrate into soil because you've become all too familiar with people stepping over you and admiring the outcome of your beauty but never the roots of your pain

02:19 am
i spend so much effort watering people in order for them to grow and hardly get enough sun shine to feed my own soul

02:25 am*
because i don't know how to do anything else but care for everyone but myself

For you, my dear
I will simply try to hear you
Not to always agree,
Or discern the false from the true

Kept meaning to quiet my own thoughts
While I held still for hours trying to understand
Or decipher the inconsistency of the words
Without the satisfaction of a well thought out and productive plan.

I pray you will find happiness within
By chance, our next chance meeting shall be less invasive
Oh, what beautiful spirit cannot contain
So mystical, enchanting and always brave.

I bid you, farewell
My forever friend
I'll think of you often
Where have you been?

he tells me to **** my fears
i try, i try my best to **** them
i lean over them in the darkness of the night
thinking to stab them
with the sharpest of the knives
i hold it tightly in my hand
i expect them to put up a fight
but they don't, they do nothing at all
and i realize that i cannot **** them
i cannot **** something that has been
a part of me since the beginning
so i pull up the trunk from under the bed
and lock them away and tell them to be quite.

he tells me again to **** all my fears
i tell him they are dead, yes i lie
he buys it easily and i secretly smile

i hate my fears yet they feel like the only thing
that is truly mine.

If only for tonight,
We'll kiss like lovers.
If only for tonight,
Meet me under the covers.

A kiss full of lustful love.
Lighting fire within my depths.
Like the sun from above.
A kiss with demanding eyes.
Pressing up against you.
From between your thighs.

If it's only for tonight.
Don't be fooled by these eyes.
Passionate more than you can handle.
The next kiss could be your demise.

If you want me for tonight.
Hold me like I'll never leave.
Nail marks down my back.
Together we'll both believe.

That this wasn't one crude mishap.
But a twist of fate.
Preposterously perfect perhaps...
Just for tonight.

You weren’t worth the
Hundred dollars it cost to
Keep you in my car. 
Princess got poached by the
League of Losers with Pedestrian Ideals.

I’d spit venom in your direction, if 
Poison meant anything to you. But
Akin to most things, so sub-human,
You miss the world moving around your
Ever pulsating veins, and repel these
Toxins with a slip of the tongue.

Around you I could line
Bodies of those you’d loved and left.
Each clasping hands with one another,
Privy to a specific type of pain, only you can
Deal out. And

In the center of the circle you’d
Stare, stunned by your state of
Affairs, and flings. Collectively concerned
For the safety of your
Rotting consciousness.

One by one, I could set these men
On fire, and hand you a place 
Where your head could be danced off.
Drunken and diving heart-first into
The burning lake of a 
Surfable crowd. Since that’s
All we are, serfs.

I hope the fire gets too close to your
Gorgeous face. I hope the
Love you receive is no more likable
Than a few more licks from the flames.
The scars couldn’t sideline you.
No one can stop ****.

It buries deep inside you
To your center,  pure and weak
It latches on and melds with walls
This unsuspecting leech

It touches every feeling
Even taints your view of life
What was once a bright and budding field
Is now filled with traps and strife

It tells you that your worthless
Trying only gets your hurt
It tells you don't begin the race
For you'll never come in first

After years go by in anguish
You look inside to see
The leech that started out so small
Is now the only presence seen

At times, I'm jealous
Of innocent lashes
And soft cheekbones
That lure you in,
For I was graced
With no grace at all.
But I was born
With fire in my eyes,
A razor sharp tongue,
And an insatiable hunger
That will not succumb,
And of that,
I am proud.