I love you
and my heart beats fast
but it stops and drops
when you don't love me back

To walk beneath trees
wreathed in yellow-green
and not sigh
To dip my toes in a cold
pond as dawn blooms
and not look up
To see a spider, bright green,
scramble up my arm
and not marvel
To watch as wild rain
bursts through thunder clouds
and not shudder
To step atop a dark blue
sea, death swarming beneath
and drown only in fear
To not know God.
To not know life.

Every morning
walking through campus
I tiptoe across
a vast yard of hearts.
        some broken some brimming
some silent others spinning

Every morning
spent walking through campus
I tug my jacket front shut
          A little bit tighter
I keep mine close

Your perfection is an illusion.
My faults are real.

'Trust' is the stitching
that holds my fragile
parts together.

Whispers of what we share,
like confetti in a breeze,
cannot be recovered
once carelessly set free.

Don't release me to the wind,
I beg you.

~~~

Feeling useless,
ugly hues
colouring in,
yellowing bruise
happy days
thoughts are wistful
mirrors lie
bitter fistful
saddened eyes
in ghost camera shots
wanted: ‘beautiful’
connect the dots
minds a scramble
at mirrors perception
feeling lonely
life's deception.
undeserving
of affection
can’t comprehend
seek perfection
take a breath
smile and hide
the bottled fear
you keep inside
life is short
accept the flaws
love yourself
Retract the claws.

And then I noticed that all I wanted to do
Was decorate your skin with my lips
while you rambled on about Baroque Art
I came here to focus
To collect all the piece of myself that scattered around
the world
from the time I had the biggest piece of me yet
to be yanked out
I didn’t want this
I forced myself to not want it
But that became impossible when I found so many
Pieces of myself inside you
It was like sailing all the oceans with only
The stars as navigation
It wasn’t hard but rather tricky to understand
Understand all your layers of black
And intricately woven sweaters
I imagined you plastering yourself
On the floor of your one room apartment
While the moonlight poured on your skin
And I could see every speck and pore
And everything would be so defined
You’re not a mystery but instead a character
That carried the plot of a beautiful story on your lips
While mine had nothing to do with the after thoughts
Of *** or kissing or walks along a dramatic skyline
But a poem about how much I want your story to
Mix with my
This is it