I wanna be your doll                                                                                                                                               You're alone                                                                                                                                                             We can be alone together



dead as the space between time I'm singing for my true love's kisses

they fill the air and sky

and only when I'm sleeping they come back

but they keep me angry

and I hear  no good sounds

but the trumpet calling out for my head

my body hung in a dead field

shunned even by the sinking sun

and thin black crows

I can't get back awake

I am insipid and my bones rust in the frigid wind

I yawn and midnight smiles for me

I feel the pressure of countless aeons

my death eclipsed by countless aeons

the weight of endless years

after my love slipped from my dying hands

Now I cry for no one

but howl back at myself

enraged at myself

for my feelings

left behind

a trail of blood

writing on the wall

that will not see the light of day

and scythes stuck in my whimpering chest

If for all things the sun shines,
How many years will clouded skies be;
In every breath this stubborn heart still beats.

If for all time the tide sways,
This our song is born a river ocean blue,
And one year between a word
be a mountain before the stars.

If one loss is one too many,
Death like desert secures a drought,
And laughless men dream in their chains.

Cold is the night before the day,
If for all things the sun shines,
The sky will clear for none but you.

They sneak away in plain sight
And leave with an empty stomach
Only wanting more

Best not to offer answers
When you must know
How many angels may dance on the head of a pin
There are no angels
But the answer is seven

Best not to offer answers
When death is made of dust
And no soul like a phoenix
Rises from those ashes

Best not to offer answers
But enjoy your time alive
That seemed but a moment
When you have moments left to breathe

Quick as lightning
Cloaked in sun
Your words went away
Spent on every day
And I wasn't even listening

Burned in a bruised breath
The sting of every sound
From your lips
A million years grimaced
And caved in

For every drop of rain
In your blood
My very heart boils
With the memory of your every feature
Like musical notes
That took a future with you far away

Oft against the shy rocks
The sleep god sounds his horn
To the frost-bitten day.

The birds leap into frenzied flight
Like flames stretching forward
To the cracked blue of the breaking sky.

A hammer in his minds repeats
The recitation of rhyming prayers
A flicker in his fingers fuels the spark to
play the notes that need no singing.

How long tormented
He will to the forest wind
And desert winding walls
The sobbing bells
The maddening world-
How long tormented will his eyes set like the sun
In the ancient hills
And the black angels cry out ceaselessly ?

Paired down in heaven, the hawk-eyed sun
Gleaming bitterly through five limbs sees
The jeweled moon behave despondently-
Say from man dream beats the foam and bleeds
Like Prometheus sullen prose on infinite Oregons.

Take from your time the frost-eyed sun altogether
Staring sharply through a blind and smoldering world,
A love of truths so tried and secret.

Shall we in mercy take our gains under the rose-lit morning
A trial for time and truest?
Sense for the sun is swimming in our heart
A love of radio and silence.

Bleached like my Albatross,
Come in quiet a world safest
That burns black embers
In the woods of our soul since forever
And sound.

Sound down the heavens
In the silent hour of their hell,
The tide of time on a bone-white beach.

From what high altar looking in his place,
God of man,
The god-man and holy to his place
To forge the eye of seasons,
Seven in their number,
And stretch out solitude
On the blistered ground.

Shared down in source,
The last of the kings,
Holy in his crown
Of bodies that smile
So wide and honest each.

When you die  I want to carry you
Through the lines of tears

And lift you up
On the wings you gave me

There are no oceans but yours
There is no music but your voice

And every day I can hear them well

When you die I want to die with you
And live forever
In the heaven you made

Roughed up a bit

Carrying memories to the new year

Holding these inside

Waiting for nothing

But passing through

Every hour

Smooth sometimes

Anguished others

Hoping to keep myself around

Waving at the world as it passes through a stream

Though it ages me

May the time come when my bottle breaks

And I release my soul unto a golden shore

His plenty health
The beating breath
Beats with his heart
Abounding

Born from bed,
The fountain of the sun
Bathes him

His majesty
In the tower sky
Unfolding fast
The blinding day

Love him,
The laugh of the world
King of tomorrow
And every day

A kiss is a kiss
And a wound is a wound
Love is a word
That fills some with hate
Guns are free now
But people must wait

The godhead shakes from sleep
The thin film of memory
Shakes from his memory
The thin veil of sleep
Separated by endless stars
And shakes his head sleepily
Having just awoken
Fresh as a budding flower from the earth
As he has been already
Endlessly
Searching for the answers
Grasping at the limbs of a larger tree
Just before falling
Awakening from that dream
Hopping to the next
His infinite cousins
Who are all us and him together
Each unknowing to the end
Strangers to ourselves

"I love you"
I wrote.
"Ok"
It read.

No escape from each other
No escape from ourselves

I'm bored
And tired
And sick
Of breathing

Oh why should I be afraid to live my life
Stuck with myself
And no one else?

The hope for love
Gone forever
With my tears
That once seemed endless

But my eyes are dry now forever.

I could be made of gold,                                                                                                                                         and dance my life away.
I could glow with praise,                                                                                                                                         I could be lifted by the crowd.
I could charge by the hour,                                                                                                                                     I could make living cheap.
I could dine with kings,                                                                                                                                           or deny them the pleasure.
I could be outspoken,                                                                                                                                             even whispering my voice would be heard.
I could raise the sun,                                                                                                                                               I could command the stars.
Yet it would not make me happy,                                                                                                                          it would not make me sing.
Beyond you there is nothing,                                                                                                                               and no love of anything.

My boy limbs
Strawberry flesh &
Bone-white all;
Protect me from whatever winter
And keep me glowing in the sun always

I take the deepest breath ever
And go nimble & quick-footed
Over every hill and green
Wanting nothing but myself
Strawberry flesh &
Bone-white all
And forever

My ghost and evil mind
My cast green shadow hand
Forgiveness in her hands
Forgiveness

My ghost and evil mind
Thinking of her
My love and only love
To live blindly

Tell me I wasn't wrong
For loving blind

My ghost and evil mind
My duty to mankind
To be myself

Who is god
To be born lonely

My ghost and savage mind
My wars and tattered heart
Like rose splintered
Wanted nothing

Man, in your perfect excellence
And impeccable squalor
My ghost and evil mind
Thinks of you all

While walking
Two feet talking to the
ground
Only to say
Like yesterday
All ears align equal

And paint the rain
A grayer color of blood
That's yellow
And I chase the leaves
They are falling
Until the last
And there are none

So scant the shadow
that hides beneath the tree
And tidal teeth sink
in the autumn sun

Where to trace outside
be made the last
to the end
so stripped
with tail-ends
and teeth
all gleaming
so scant where the shadow hides lo

Freedom is one thing
You cannot forget
The other
Is losing it

A bed is love, to hold me up and
sail me to sleep.
To sleep, my bed a ship is made,
out unto a sea of stars.
O'er the sheets spread I dream a dream of living
and thank my bed for being there.
I've had many beds, and all of them good
and none of them bad.
And this bed will carry me to sleep
like the rest
and for that you have my thanks
to be there for me
and pass
and hold me
where another will
where others won't.

There is nobody
But you
And when the show is over
And the theater clears
There will be only you

There is no life in my dead eyes
But for you
And for you all my songs will sing

There is no love
But love for you
And the love for you
Is the love of life

And when the stars fade
And the planets are washed away
And the sun goes out
There will be none but you

The hands turn
Not for time
But for your birth
Your laugh that once
Our first kiss
Our last kiss
My every morning
The hands of the clock turn
In my mind
I know they are mine to turn
With hands of my own

Not for time do they turn
But for her baby
But for your birthday
But for your kindness
But for your reasons
But for you

With the heavy burden
Of every day
****** not to sleep
For the sun-bells toll.

Off into the world
With eyes still sleeping
With mind still dreaming.

Demands demanding
Of your petty need
To live and to die
So comfortably.

Don't believe in the words in books
Or the speeches of the free,
Or the faces of friends
That smile so casually.

With the heavy burden
Of waking up
Unchanged
Except by age,
Threat of our precious time
And boredom.

If I could tell you?
I promise not to lie
By and by, I do get by
With you safe somewhere in my mind

Wrapped like a gift waiting for no one
Still, I could tell you many things

Would it be easy not to circle you
With kindness
Sweetness every time
And put myself in your hand
Or let you wear me like a jewel

I'll keep it up
By saying nothing
You'll have a kiss
For every word

Bittersweet in this prison where no one can touch me
I see people out there smiling,
And they're laughing at me.

When I hear myself,
I think bad thoughts

When I see myself,
I think worse

How many times have we been here?
(Don't answer, you might lose your head)

How many times?
More than 4

How sick do you have to be before dying?

When I correct myself,
I feel better than myself

Please don't think
Please don't think
Please don't think about it

Hey!

Do what's forbidden.
Who cares if you get caught?

You can laugh it off
(Satan laughs)

You can cry it off
(it takes strength to cry)

You can even smoke it off.
And who cares if they don't like you smoking?
*******, I say.

Don't hurt,
Don't get hurt,
Wouldn't have it any other way.

Not starving
Not crying
Not tired
Not sick
Not dead
But dying

Nothing that breathes
knows the truth of being
but to be is simple

don't go on
without a thought
for yourself

living the same
and pacified

no hell in heaven
no ashes scattered
in youth

coming like a dog
from the dark
in some woods

go to conquer
yourself

and loving one's own
a vehicle of sweet sound
handed on a plate

oh go,
from rain and snow
a time where we are one

contact
and truth
some truth
we can believe

new england
france
ireland
go loving
soon to drown and die

Blood in my eyes
Tells me I'm wise
For letting go

But I was never there
To care
From the beginning

All my hope for love
And evil, too
Trusted to you
And you let go

My bones are broke
My wallet, too
There's a scar inside
And there's no cut deeper

My guitar strings are broken,
And I can't play without breaking,
Every verse comes out wrong,
But they're all for you.

I keep playing
But the notes don't change,
The sounds cry out
Like they were dying.

My heart beats to the rhythm,
But there's no one to hear
My saddened song.

My strings are snapped,
And they'll sing no sound forever.

I am the beginning
And I am the end.

Between two hurricanes of light,
And the flashing muses dancing in
the Arcadian sun;
Between two deserts white as bone,
Between two furnaces, hell and heaven.

I am the one eye and the one body.
I am the one truth and gilded soul.

Of twenty-million royal days,
Of infinite stars dripping in the infinite void,
Of savage movements through the destiny of fortune,
Of ecstasy infernal in the marauding mind,
Of hauntings ecstatic through the inaudible gears,
Of arms of ocean and pillars of men,
Of mountains made dust by the breath of time.

I am oblivion without name,
I am the eagle perched on the dying elephant.

With height insurmountable,
With tongues of fire they speak for me.
With love beyond love beyond love,
They practice me.
They go, and I leave them.
They see, and I see them.

I am they as you are,
I am you through the abyss of eternal life.

Lord of infinity ten times twelve,
And the worlds collapsing and the world rebuilt,
One with all,
All patient and
All being.

I am in ad infinitude,
For deaths in ice
And paradise everlasting.

Hear what is said,
And live what is said.
Lord of infinity ten times twelve.

I am the secret of secrets,
Hidden where even truth cannot see.

All things collapse in me,
And rise again.
Awake and be happy;
I am the beginning
And                                                             ­                                                          I am the end.

Not that I was born for you
I'm certain
And you don't say
But in the end, move further away
And we two ships pass in the night
Unseen to each
And if I could have been made beautiful as you, I would have
I would give all my long nights
And all the me there is to give
To be the sun just slowly falling
On the softness of your face

You always want to die,
You have many skull tattoos.
You listen to loud music,
You write poems
Like a deaf woman sings.

All your clothes are black,
"Black as my soul" you say,
You hate yourself so much,
You make it known each day.

You always want to die,
And cry that he's your saint,
But you don't call death with kisses,
It's clear to him, it seems,
How much you want to wait.

To say, “I’m sorry” to the air

the thin air, against the weathered stone

cold as bone that you are always

never permitted to speak again

to move those saintly smiles through

and through you are grinning at the void

and lost, where I will not meet you

because I was lost in myself

enough to forget you

and no simple word in sadness will meet those muted ears

or sun swim in those stony eyes

to be closed like a book once read

never opened again

no more soft words to follow

no more aches in your ache-beaten back

you have fallen to the side of sleep

and only dreams of silence will take you

far from me, and my endless apologies

like fire in the sea

I will pray to the wind
and find flowers
for my failure

In all our million days

dusk to dusk

like an open wound you will smile again

and like death itself be forever.

You are so sweet and simple
And perfect every minute
Perfect when you move your hair
Perfect when your hands go up
to cover your face
Perfect when you close your eyes
Or shut them
And incredible when you say things
And incredible when you don't
When you stumble
And when you slur
Your ugly laugh
And your bruises too
Listen you really have to know
What a miracle it is
To see you move
And you are life and music
Forever

The night smells sweet,
The music plays far off,
The trees hardly swaying.
You walk with sad steps,
Soft stars glitter in the breeze,
The Chinese lanterns hang in the sky.

You are crying but no tears come,
Your lips don’t make a sound.
Your head is like a pitcher emptied of water -
In the distance on a pretty bench, a pretty couple kiss,
It is Summer again.

If only you could see
behind the simple words
worlds waiting
for you to come play

If you unticked your time
to sail in rhyme
you'd see oceans waiting for you

If you breathed in
careful at the close
and savored each moment
like a full-course meal

If only you paused
at wordy pages
and welcome them in
like new friends

You'll find a place
a saving grace
from the world around
you'll built yours within.

Sometimes

I always

think of the perfect thing to say

long after I said something else

Sometimes

I don’t have the strength to get better

and it takes the world to change

one person

give someone an inch

and they’ll take a mile

Sometimes I feel like no one at all

I hide from the eyes of others

to feel at home with myself

sometimes I feel scared

when I know

I don’t know

anything

at all

A photo in a book once told

That things we held in youth grow old,

That in numbers we keep our time to count,

In the end a small amount.


One year I remember well in heart,

Ten years that keep us far apart,

In memory lighter than lightest air,

Long departed from thought and care.


A glass broken that is half-full,

Empty now that time will cull,

From wounds unhealed in setting sun,

That rise again and will be done.


Last of our things to say,

To think we had more yesterday,

And be still unsettled in our faith yet strong,

That time so short could seem so long.


At last, when those days are gone

Like the silence after a pleasant song, 

Like pictures moving on a screen,

Things once felt and thought and seen,

Looking back you'll wonder, wonder if it was true

That he after all was really you.

Like a drunk in a desert ,

Like a pig flying ,

Like a doomsday prophet,

I am waiting
for a kiss
that will not come

You are brave
and brave
To be

and,

you give warmth like    s  u  n

and you water these fields,

so they will be green

tomorrow

and

tomorrow

When you are always going
On, where you once had known
Yourself
You are sealed by your smile
And feel so close to the cold
The wind behind the window
The voice inside the voice
Or the eye killed by the eye
Do not say nothing
But silence speaks loud
And can follow you down
or in silent dignity remain
Like life's last flowers
always growing
into the sun
on and on
on the going away
that is just passing for
a shadow
that falls into light
finally
forget the world and like the morning
sink to swim back up again

All paranoia and panic
In a world so hungry
A fork and knife ready behind each pair of eyes
How many butchers behind every hello
When I step forward
Will they have their nets waiting?
With crooked smiles thank me?

And you know how cookie-crumble I am
Each cut felt so keenly
Each sting swallows me whole

And baby don't you know
You give a little of yourself up
Each time you step outside?
Like the moment you came out from the womb
You sacrifice a little safety for freedom
And the chance to be hurt
Hurt like any other degenerate
Hungry like the rest
Hungry and never safe
In the hands of *****

Cold boys like us may find any excuse to complain
To claw our own eyes out
Thinking how lucky we each are
To never meet

Thrill me with kisses,
I
hate
To
wait

Cover me in your blankets, your frothing sea.
Drink of me like a happy drunk would,
Sleepless nights and sleeping days.

In a dream I found again
Your sacred touch,
Like a fire thrown into my void,
With life that licked at every chance,
Every sweet, electric sting,
This child soul
That in your flowered flesh
Found a home
A home, a shelter, and escape.

If you looked even once,
If you turned to me,
If you touched me once,
If you said one word
selflessly.

Can youth suffer silence
Until youth is gone?
But silence is the worst kind of friend
When she is a companion constant,
And I cannot live like the dead
Until I am among them.

The most important choices are made for us,
And I did not choose to be me.

But if you looked just once,
If you looked at me
Like you could see nothing else,
Then there would be no clouds,
Then I could live in the blue sky again.

Sailors tie your knots oh
How form the dew-dead day
With yawns, fill with yards
How long we long to see.

Polyglot plow yank the pullies up,
Dumb-mouthed in them foaming
Naught and naught not,
Want is feral need.

Peach of preacher's pitcher
Dally down there mince one would away
Oh docimer and dale how the summer's sum
Would taste of eden milk and sap-spring age.

Diamonds polish
Hear me as I wake
And shakes of the eruption gape
Typhoon tongue all luck god made of colors.

Versailles sails on gleaming wave,
Wails sun licked flowers
Ford bread and bread plumb thigh
Feather bald mark the mist
And text is bound in spinning
Spun pink lipped
on promised the Fruitfold heart.

Ampersand revere on fast the raft
AMpersand and apple
Eve and illum.

Discard your tear,
For flair and fear
You are the one and one only.

Fine-finned tune and tossel
Soil green and brick red beach
Pennies cross
And churchyard grave
Good faith forever.

Heal and heath the number pallette
Appetite and berry-bled
Thick as theft
Godspeed your merry-go-round go.

If men were meant to walk on ice,
If all the sane sea were it would that were itself and ours again as always.




Ninth Element; Life binge part 1 Act 1 Verse 2:

The dancing underclothed, and piped
Salted butter and comb-boxed bine.
The dabble dream with sand and shore,
Scold those lavender farms.
Safe as soul, iron-reed,
Stripped stolen, with fast forward VHS eyes
Of sin of the sin's sink
And Belfast brine.

Ah, steal away their suns
With hot and heavy come
By spool and seal
The halls of milk
Insert your pewter
Jade bats and caught blood bleeding.

Ah, Byron on the bay theology
And march your Caesars
In the polyglot pine
With feast of friends and wanton war
The bomb-teared turn of time.


Unresumed the Ninth Element, return to return form.



And burst your fruits the pelican bask the shells in your throats
The swapped peppered sang the day away
With savage swim! savage and starving, burst forth from nature's breast kindly;
Double-down locked in his feeling chains.

Faire hill and shawl of sheet,
Princess Victorian homes sunny swam in my dream dozing.

Aye, hap-hap and lazy, tribe of tallows we clink our glasses looking smug,
Windows 98 in the hours of our breezes.

Upon the barre of harbor, how the fishermen flung their catch
And wheels fish fast dancing babies in the stalled steam.

I hate the bodies of skateboarders -
I am only watching from a distant window wishing
I looked as good as
a carcass to a hundred starving crows.


The naked day
sunbathing  -
I see from the shade,
cool and remote.
my chest is filled with cobwebs,

And I'm
thinking only of biting into an orange
or being the orange
some skateboarder
would bite into.

I remember we would play, play like kids in a warm spring day,
With hands joined, we rang in tune,
Our song together, night and noon.
We ran and rolled and locked our tongues
In summer hours, under bright warm suns,
With touch our time to hug and hold,
With hearts in heaven, and never grow old.

But every kiss and every word,
Every feeling in youth that stirred,
Every motion that you made,
Each will go, and memory fade -
After the flood, and friendship fraud,
Ash to ash our souls at odds,
After all our words and games under shirt and sheet,
After all to end up strangers on the street.

Yours to hold, refrigerator pristine
I wave 'hello' in your dream
Yours like the chains of night,
Restless, shaking, birds in flight.

And will you want me now?
Now is gone, remember how
We would sit and stir
Those days like photographs in
Motion blur.

Yours to beg and yours to bleed,
Desires dipped and passions feed,
In this starving heart, an empty room
Unmoved like the mountain, silent as the tomb.

Do you hate the sounds you make when high?
Laugh, laugh!
That's the best bed med.

With a plumb whip and rosary,
Send another txt -
Names you've nailed,
And kiss treats.

Do you hate the way you speak?
But I hate it more,
And more and more,
Do not ignore,
Sneers and ***** stay.