There's a sense of not knowing
what's going on
that happens too often
in everyone.
That lonely time
when you sit and think
about nothing
and everything
at the same time
and you don't know how to stop.
It's a sense of
questioning
and hollowness
that we don't know how to deal with.
What do I want?
I have no idea.
That thought bounces
back and forth
back and forth
inside my empty and full head.
What to do?
Just leave me
alone
go away,
I don't want you
here.
This blade will
only ****
the pulse under my wrist
not the demon
but I can't live like this
with this constant
black hole
swallowing me and everything
around me.
Eyes glazed over
chest excruciatingly tight
heart a thousand pieces
and head in a million directions
I breathe the next breath.

In my darkest days, I held you beneath my warmth.
You indulged me with your feverish hunger.
You embraced me with your piercing emotions.
You were immune to my changeable disease.

I came to a realization that you were my muse,
the best rainbow I received……….

You told me that I was part of your soul.
To me you’re the fuel to my rusty engine,
The energy to my thirsty being,
And the light of my darkened soul.


© Pax

Memories impaled on an endless reality
pierce my empty womb with loss
as cascading tears form the dream of a child
dancing with the gentle breeze
of life.
Constantly reminding my tormented heart
that her sweet innocent face is now
only but a series of deceitful images
alive to shatter my heart.
and that never again, will I be able to
touch the crimson petals integrated
within her soul
created by the essence of  my bleeding love,
watering
a beautiful memory drifting away
into the hands of God.