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I used to think I had something someone wanted.
I was young innocent and not drunk.
I don't have power influence or even money for you honey.
Just this empty soul with no where to be but where I am
  Nov 2020 xXwallflower53Xx
open to me the gates of love
let loves gaze burn off all my dross
that so I may with pure heart love, love back.
  Nov 2020 xXwallflower53Xx
goodbye will outstay hello
and memory will make up what cannot be remembered
where there are no blanks, only darkened rooms.
  Nov 2020 xXwallflower53Xx
Saudia R
Let my silence teach you

what my words

did not
This year, do not explain yourself (especially repeatedly) to someone who does not listen. Let your silence be your response. Let your happiness be your response. Let your peace be your authenticity.
  Nov 2020 xXwallflower53Xx
i mean aren't i supposed to know
where to go and how to feel
what happens? when i'm abandoned.
on this raft in a sea called my emotions
im afloat but my heart is drowning.
i still alive but the sharks are surrounding.
the same sharks that feed
on the broken moments in my head
i lay, in my bed and stare at the ceiling
convincing myself its okay to be mistreated
is it
and i wish i could be someone. to him to her and to anyone. to you all thats reading this thank you for spending your time reading here. you are loved
mencintai tanpa memiliki.
klasik, ya, apa boleh buat?
aku tak pernah menganggapmu adalah milikku, pun aku adalah milikmu.
namun rasa itu tumbuh di antara kita, tanpa satu pun yang memaksa.
aku tau kau masih memiliki seseorang dalam daftar prioritasmu, terlebih, mungkin dirinya lah yang nomor satu.
tunggu, bukan berarti aku senang dijadikan yang kesekian; lagi-lagi, apa boleh buat?
aku hanya bisa menunggu sampai sang waktu memberiku lelah yang luar biasa hingga rasa sabarku perlahan habis,
karena ku tau perasaanku takkan pernah.
xXwallflower53Xx Nov 2020
A constant battle rages.
Hot and cold circle each other in an elegant dance.
Decay feeds the blooming field above.
The sun and moon compete for our attention.

Inside, a wrathful hurricane thrashes against my skull.
Inside, the elements clash against my ribs.
Inside, the gravity of death and the lift of life rip my heart in half.
Inside, I don't know what to choose.

Heaven and Hell continue their war inside of me
     and all around me.
They whisper to me the wrongs and rights of the world
     but they tell me lies.
I close my eyes tight and clamp my hands over my ears
     but they still find me.

I do not feel serenity in the natural balance of life.

I feel confused
          I feel blurred
                    I feel chaotic

With the pressure to choose.

                                           I cannot choose.
                                   What if I choose wrong?
               How do I choose who gets to hurt
                                                            and who gets joy?
But I do it all the time.

I choose to hurt.
So they can feel joy.
But I don't want it anymore.
What will happen to the scale if I decide to jump

     into the river
          so far below,
     into the clouds
          so welcoming,
     into the fire
          so destructive
     into the ground
          so cold underneath.

How will I find balance within me
     if I cannot find peace in the balance around me?
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