From the moment my mind wakes, I am busy.

What to wear, how to do my hair, what to cook for lunch; that's usually  what my mind is busy with first thing in the morning. I fumble to get out of bed and cook for myself, trying to remember how much salt I should put in, contemplating if I should fry or boil the fish, or make a mental list on what to shop for next time.

But then again, my mind hasn't been busy enough not to think about you.

Has my name ever even crossed your mind randomly? Because I couldn't count in my hands the instances that yours did.

I see a lot of strangers on the way, passers-by, and I keep wondering what (or maybe who) they are thinking. I ride the train taking me to a place where I could distract myself from anything related to you.

I try to pretend you don't exist in this place. I try to push you out of my head with things I know are far more important than you. I try to forget the idea of you. Yet, these are all but failed attempts; as my mind unconsciously drifts towards our late night conversations and little inside jokes.

Tell me again, has my name ever even crossed your mind randomly? Because you keep on tugging at the ends of my head even in the most obscure times.

It's ten past seven and I'm getting ready to leave. Immediately my mind shifts to thoughts of getting my errands done for the day. I walk the path towards my house, noticing the moon shining brightly above me and I start to wonder if you're looking at it too.

I ask this for the last time; has my name ever even crossed your mind randomly?

Because your name has been etched into the lobes of my brain, and it aches; every now and then.

**

I guess you'll never know that I
stole glances at you
while you were sleeping next to me

How I thought you looked nice
when you were viewed from the side,
only half of your face seen
and wondered what you looked like
if you were facing me

you'll never know that I thought
you had a nice forehead
that went well with your man bun

and how that small silver earring you have
on your right ear sealed it off

I wanted to talk to you but I don't know whether
I should say sorry
for falling asleep on your shoulders

or thank you
for sharing with me your warmth
in that cold bus

**

Sometimes she gets scared of how happy he is being alone. How he enjoys the times when he would just prefer to be with himself rather than be with people.

"Know what? You value the time you have for your self so much that you tend to shut people out sometimes."

"It's not that I shut people out, it's just that I think its better to not need other people in your life. You may want them earnestly, but never need them so you won't get disappointed. You won't get left behind."

Silence.

"Does it count as selfishness?" He wonders.

"In a way, I think. It's like you're too scared to let someone into your life or feel the intensity of their presence embedding into your own. And, not everyone's going to leave you behind."

It scares her to think that he might not be capable of truly loving someone.

He leans closer.

"I guess I prefer wanting than needing. I'd rather someone choose me to be part of their life because they want me to be there. And it'll be the same for me. I'd be part of their life because I want to be, not because I am obligated to pacify their or my need until we eventually choke each other with our exiguousness. I know, it's pretty hard to explain, considering the line between the two is relatively thin, but I just don't really want them to be troubled by someone like me."

She looks at him, and their eyes meet.

"But I do. I wouldn't mind if the trouble was you."

**

I've liked you for a long time now

though I thought it would eventually fade away

since you'd never even notice me


but then by some twist of fate,
you did

it felt so surreal the first time we talked

and even more unbelievable when you
trusted me with your deepest secrets


now that this feeling is growing
into something

I am afraid I could not contain

would you mind telling me



am I in this too deep now?


**

I used to think I can never love someone as much as I had fell in love with music.

I can never explain well enough how music captivates every part of me, how it perfectly hugs and caresses the aching parts of my body, both physically and emotionally. How my heart skips a beat every time I put on my favorite song. How I feel alive with every beat of the drum. How my soul resonates with every strum of the guitar.

Ever since I can remember, It was one of my dream to watch my favorite band's concerts, to be able to personally see them, even if it's many feet away, and to be able to hear them perform their music live. For me it brings me a sense of being alive, that feeling of being able to appreciate where you are, what you have, and that you are simply alive.

I thought it wouldn't be possible, for me to appreciate anyone else as much as I appreciate a song, a melody. Until you showed up. I wasn't even looking, I have learned to be happy by myself and even promised to be someone who wouldn't require anyone to be in my life.

You proved me wrong.

Now, you are the song I wouldn't mind playing in repeat for a lifetime.

**

There will never be a perfect person.

You will never find anyone who has no flaws.

Everyone has their own secrets they need to keep,
insecurities they have to hide,
and a void in their life that they would want to fill so badly.

We are only human.
We make mistakes.
We get hurt.
We feel scared.

We all have these baggage that we carry along in our life;
some may be heavier than the rest but still, it is there.

The thing is,
you can't really find a perfect someone,
it's just a matter of whom you are willing to accept
and carry their baggage along with them.

**

You seem the kind of peril she wouldn't mind getting familiar with.

She wanted you to see how she had those fire in her eyes whenever she told you about her dreams, about her passion, about her fears that she wanted to conquer. She wanted you to whisper to her how much she meant to you, although she would never admit it.

To her you were a bright, massive star; capable of illuminating her entire world, yet having an unstable heart.

One day, you told her how you could name a hundred reasons why she was never like the others. and that you loved her. Just love her. You never knew how she kept on thinking about those words for days, because that is all she could do; think, but not believe. And you never knew, because she would never tell you.

Oh how she longed to brush her fingers through your hair. To hold hands with you just because. To share tight hugs that could go on forever. To spend late night to morning talks with you. She hopes for the day to come when all her daydreams become reality.

She could go on and on about these things, but then, there are certain things that, no matter how hard she yearned for, will never be.

The danger she never feared; the chaos she looked forward to; the ruin she expected.

That, dear, is you.

**