During Thanksgiving Break of 2013 I was on my laptop.
Looking up videos on Narcolepsy.
Mainly because I was into discovering what that was.
Anyway, I had watched some videos.
And I suddenly saw a video that was all about her.
And of course I was curious.
It was called "The Best Of Jinkx Monsoon on RPDR".
Short for RuPaul's Drag Race.
And I clicked on the video and decided to watch it.
Immediately, I was hooked.
She was so funny that I laughed at everything she did,
I also learned things.
I learned that she had Narcolepsy and coped with it.
That had me intrigued.
And then I learned that she takes being funny seriously.
She's a campy queen.
But she's also extremely sweet and very humble.
She taught me about drag.
I began watching videos that she did about herself.
She had a film series.
It was called "Drag Becomes Him" where she talked.
And I learned so much.
I learned that there was more to drag than just make-up.
Or hairstyles and clothes.
She really puts her all into everything she does in drag.
Jerick Hoffer is the creator.
He's the one who gets in drag and becomes Jinkx.
And I love his story.
Because he was able to come out and express himself.
Sure it was hard for him.
He would go to his Grandmother's house to change.
His mom knew he was gay.
But she thought that dressing in drag was pushing it.
But his Grandmother didn't care.
She was the one who taught him how a lady should act.
He just does the opposite.
He, as Jinkx, says anything without a filter quite often.
He loves doing drag.
He said that it's something he started doing at age 15.
He was on RPDR Season 5.
Switching back, Jinkx took every single change head on.
Had some trouble along the way.
But won her first challenge while acting on ****** Game.
She portrayed Little Edie.
I suggest looking her up if you don't know who she is.
She had a condition as an adult.
And it caused for her to soon lose all of the hair she had.
Jinkx really loves her.
I also know that she is a huge fan of Adams Family Values.
She has a song about Debbie.
It's called "What About Debbie?" and it explains Debbie.
Talks about why she kills.
Jinkx performs that song a lot now when she performs.
But that's not all.
She opened my eyes in terms of how drag is conceived.
It's really a process.
It takes a great deal of time to get ready and she knows.
She spends three hours!
Just getting into drag because of the time it takes to do so.
Best of all, she loves it.
She has a genuine respect for drag and does it in her way.
She knows a lot more now.
Jerick says that Jinkx has improved since being on RPDR.
And I agree with that.
The make-up has gotten way better and so have the clothes.
I watched Season 6 last year.
And I can talk about what I thought and who I liked.
Tell me if you want me to.
Anyway, Jinkx has taught me so much since I found that video.
And so has Jerick.
Who wants drag to be known as more than impersonation.
He wants to break stereotypes.
He wants for men to be able to play girl roles in more than comedy.
And what's wrong with that?
If a woman can read as a man, why can't a man read as a woman?
He even asked that himself.
And I for one think that is a very fair and true question to ask.
Okay, I'm rambling now.
All I'm trying to say is that Jinkx opened my eyes to drag.
And now I get it.
I know what drag means and why it's really a form of art.
Do I know everything about it?
Of course not, I'm still learning as I discover drag queens.
There are so many styles.
And one of them is campy, which is the style she has.
I can talk more about her.
But I would need to have her as the main topic to say more.
So tell me if I should.
And then I can get into more detail about her and her style.
All I can say right now.
Is that because I found that video of Jinkx, I now am a fan.
Of her and of drag.
I don't think of drag as a weird and bizarre thing anymore.
It's an art form.
And I understand that it's acting as someone else, form of acting.
And that's thanks to Jinkx.
And to Jerick Hoffer, the mastermind behind Jinkx Monsoon.

There is nothing wrong with being who you are.
This is something that is told to us all the time.
There is nothing wrong with telling the truth.
This is something that is told to us all the time.
There is nothing wrong with having an opinion.
There is nothing wrong with being different.
There is nothing wrong with loving kid things.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be nice.
There is nothing wrong with stating what's right.
There's nothing wrong with saying how you feel.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy.
This is just a simple list of things we are told.
Things that people tend to tell us all the time.
Only, when we live this way, the rules are changed.
We do things that we wanna do, and we get judged.
We say things that we wanna say, we get judged.
We dress a certain way, act a certain way, judged.
We like certain things, we think a certain way.
Whatever we do, it's said to be right or wrong.
There shouldn't be anything wrong with being us.
Being who we are shouldn't come with a price.
We shouldn't have to worry about what others think.
We shouldn't have to be judged by strangers.
By people who don't know us personally, in any way.
There are so many people in the world who are judged.
Who are ridiculed for the way they are, whatever it is.
They feel as though they can't do anything right.
Take some of the most famous people in the world.
We love them for there music, acting, or even both.
But we don't know them, we don't talk with them.
At least, most of the time, we don't talk with them.
Usually, we just watch them online and on TV.
Or we get the opportunity to see them on stage.
And then, we either like them for who they are.
Or we judge them based on what the media says.
We read articles and tend to believe the presses.
Why? Because they have a way to exaggerate?
Because they know how to sell all their stories?
Yes, that's exactly why we believe the press.
And that's why we believe the media, we judge.
And why do I bring up famous people in this?
Because, they are still humans like you and I.
What makes them different is what they do.
They work harder to make music for us.
Or they work harder to put out show and films.
They have careers that take them away a lot.
Does that seem familiar? Because it should.
We have jobs and things apart from families.
There are times where we don't see families.
Why? Because we are busy as well, like them.
Famous people, are not evil, they are human.
And they are judged every single day, really.
And they are judged by the very people who
love them.
We are ALL judged by the people who love us.
Whether it is by friends or family members.
There's not one person who can say otherwise.
If you really think that you've never been judged.
If you really think that you're loved by the whole'
entire world, every state, country, city, and continent.
Then that must mean that you are in your own world.
A world where there is no judgement anywhere.
And while I would love to say that's true, I can't.
I can't because I know that would be a lie.
The truth is, many people are not loved by everyone.
Well, no one can be loved by the entire world.
There are always gonna be people who hate on you.
Whether it's school, towns, press, media, anything.
There's always gonna be judgement everywhere.
And that's just the way it is, it's not fair, but it's true.
I for one think that judging people is wrong.
Do I tend to judge from time to time? Yes, I do.
Why? Because I'm human and do that sometimes.
Do I go around judging? No, I'm not like that.
I don't want to judge people, but I may from time
to time.
And I feel bad about that because that's not nice.
But I'm a human being, and we all make mistakes.
We judge even when we don't think that we are.
And everyone feels the brunt of that, whether they
are famous or not.
Even people who sing at their computers and make
videos to post on YouTube.
These people are judged all the time by people.
Then why do they film anyway? Because they want
to.
They're doing what they love to do the most.
Famous people, are doing what they love to do the
most.
We are doing what we love to do the most.
Whatever it is that we're doing, we do for us.
It doesn't matter if we have to do them or not, we do.
We do things for ourselves, and for each other.
And we speak our minds when we want to.
Even though, we know that we are bound to be judged.
People will not like what we have to say all the time.
And we know that there will be those who are cruel.
Will that keep us from talking? No, because it can't.
We are all strong enough to push on, even if we don't
feel like it.
Because passing judgement is just a thing that happens.
It doesn't define who a person is, or how they were raised.
All it does is make them want to be the best they can be.
Be who they wanna be, and be who others don't see them
as.
Whenever we are told about the things we can do.
We should remember, that those are our real rights.
That we SHOULD be able to do these things.
Without feeling like we're crazy for being who we are.

This is one of my new favorite songs.
I love Ariana Grande and her new CD.
Well, I don't have it yet, but I have YouTube.
So I can listen to all her new songs.
This one is one of my favorites.
I've song along to this song all day.
I can't wait till I get her CD.

You liked another girl even while you were still with me.
You liked her since either a month or the summer.
And then you told me that we were done because of spark.
Or, lack of spark, as you told me in note and over text.
And yet, even though I'm extremely mad at you.
And you can't seem to grasp what you have done.
You're still my friend and I like it that way.
So, though I may be mad at you now.
That doesn't mean I'll be mad at you forever.
And I still want you as a friend and hope that you are happy.
And I know that things are complicated with her.
And for that, I'm sorry that it hurts you.
And I hope that she can like you because you are special.
So, I hope things somehow work out with her.
Because I really want you to be happy.

This is not about one thing in particular.
Because love is not about one thing.
Love is meant to describe many things.
The way you feel about people and things.
The way you feel about a pet or clothing.
The limit to love is really endless for us.
The blue sky on a sunny and warm day.
Snow glistening the ground on Christmas.
A baby who gets to grow up with you.
A family member who means the world.
A pet you've had for a very long time.
Christmas, Thanksgiving, family time.
Friends you can tell everything to.
A boyfriend/girlfriend to love and hold.
There is no limit to what you can love.
Love is all around you, even in nature.
Flowers in the garden fill us with love.
An outfit given to you by who you love.
Love is something so unique and true.
Always know that there is love in the air.
Sometimes, it might not seem like it.
But don't stop believing in love.
Just believe that love will find it's way.
Because, in the end, love is there, always.

First of all, let me just say, I'm in love with where I live now.
I mean, I didn't know I would love living in a mobile home, but I do.
I've only been there since about an hour after leaving the library last night, but I still love it, regardless.
Knowing that it's my home, for the rest of my life, makes me happy.
Our kitty is adjusting to it quicker than we thought he would.
At least, we thought so, until he started meowing at around 5 or 6 this morning.
He's still a little scared, but he's definitely doing better than he did at the condo, which is awesome.
Also, can I just say how my I love my new room?
I mean, I haven't even put all my stuff in it yet, and my clothes still need to be washed, and the desk needs to be fixed a bit.
However, when all of that is done, and my room is complete, it will be amazing!
I can't wait to see how my keyboard looks against the wall.
I can't wait to start working on my Korean and Japanese at computer, when I can't do it here, due to a reason I'll discuss in a minute.
First, let me just finish saying how much I love how things are picking up.
I mean, I slept in my new room last night, on my bed, and I was happy.
Now, I'm using an old bed from the old house, until I get my new one, but I grabbed a pillow and my new blanket, and slept.
The bed is comfortable, way more than the air mattress, I must say.
I mean, I didn't mind sleeping on the air mattress, but after it deflated, it was extremely hard to get comfortable.
And last night, was the most comfortable I've been in almost three or four days, which is nice.
I only woke up a couple times, for random reasons, but finally woke up officially about ten or fifteen minutes before my alarm.
You know, the alarm that lets me know I need to wake up so I can get here by eleven or so.
Well, I got here at twelve something, but that's alright.
I still was able to do the things I need to do.
Anyway, I'm happy with my new room, and my new home.
Now, it's time to get down with what I have to switch up on around here.
Due to needing to work on memorization and speaking when it comes to Japanese and Hiragana, I need to be able to speak.
Now, since I have to be quiet at the library, I may need to work around that for a while.
And this week, I have an excuse to.
The time I usually spent working on Japanese while here, is going to be spent writing my Tumblr review on the WWE Pay Per View.
You know, the one that was supposed to be done last week?
Well, since what I typed up didn't get saved, I have to do it all over again.
And since, I didn't get it all typed up in time anyway, I think that's okay.
That means, while I'm here, I'm going to watch and write the way I wanted to do it.
Then, when all the writing is over, and I've finished watching the Pay Per View again, I'll type it all up on my Tumblr, and post it.
Tomorrow, I have to make sure I'm sitting outside by 3, so I can watch the first episode of NXT UK, which is on the WWE Network.
I can't wait, so until I have all the writing down, that's what I'm gonna be doing instead of Japanese.
Not the NXT UK, the writing up my review of WWE Super Show-Down.
I'm determined to have it down before the first ever all women's Pay Per View WWE Evolution next Sunday.
Alright, I have to go, I only have a minute left.
That's all I wanted to say, now I'm gonna go outside.
See you tomorrow, bye!

Do you wanna build a snowman?
Come on, let's go and play.
I never see you anymore,
come out the door,
it's like you've gone away.
We used to be best buddies.
But now we're not.
I wish you would tell me why!
Do you wanna build a snowman?
It doesn't have to be a snowman.
8 year old Elsa: Go away, Anna.
5 year old Anna: Okay, bye.

8 year old Anna: (knocks) Do you wanna build a snowman?
Or ride our bikes around the halls?
I think some company is overdue.
I've started talking to,
the pictures on the walls! (Hang in there, Joan!)
It gets a little lonely.
All these empty rooms,
just watching the hours tick by (tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock)

15 yr old Anna: (Knocks) Elsa?
Please, I know you're in there.
People are asking where you've been.
They say, "Have courage."
And I'm trying to,
I'm right out here for you.
Just let me in.
We only have each other.
It's just you and me.
What are we gonna do?

Do you wanna build a snowman?

Since I wasn't able to get here for two days, I had to spend a lot of time writing notes on my how to write Japanese book.
Literally, the only reason why I stopped, is because there are some things I need, that are at the condo, since I didn't know I'd need them.
Well, at least, I was finally able to get here, I was starting to think I would have to wait until Monday.
Therapy kept me from here on Wednesday, the rain on Thursday, and contractors at my family's new mobile home yesterday.
Today, I was finally able to come here right when the library opened, and I'm staying until the 120 minutes on the upstairs computer are up.
Of course, I'll go up there after I've had my lunch, which I'll have after the 20 minutes on the guest computer that I'm on now is over.
I have things I need to do, but I need the WWE Network to do it, so I can't, which stinks.
What also stinks, is that I was going to continue with the Tumblr review yesterday, but since I forgot to save the draft, I lost everything.
Now, I have to watch the entire Pay Per View all over again, so I can do it the way I wanna do it.
And I'll either do that today or tomorrow, depending on what's going with my family's new mobile home.
My room is just getting it's second coat done today, then my room will be ready for me to move in, once it dries.
Seriously, I can't wait until Monday, when I finally get to be in my new room, and sleep in an actual bed.
Because, funny enough, the air mattress that I've been sleeping on in my room in the condo, deflated a few days ago.
And because of a hole that I can't find yet, every time I put air into it, it deflates not even a few hours later, so I gave up on that.
Now, with only a couple more days to go, I'm having trouble sleeping on the floor, because it's suddenly become uncomfortable.
However, I don't wanna pull out my purple chair thing, because there's only a few more days to go, and I wanna come out on top.
So, all I can do is try to get comfortable, and hope I can sleep the next few days.
Because, I woke up early this morning, and was finally able to get back to sleep, only for my alarm to wake me an hour later.
Why?
Because it was time for me to wake up and get ready to come here for when the library opened at 9:30.
Well, I was five minutes late, but that's okay, because I was still able to come in here and make up for lost time.
I'll have to stay for a while either Tuesday or Wednesday, because I don't think I'm gonna be able to come Monday, due to moving.
Since I'm moving into the mobile home, and my family will be moving in to, I might not be able to get a ride.
If I can, then I will, if not, then I'll have to wait a few more days, then make up for even more time lost.
However, I might not be able to come on Wednesdays anymore, which will really confuse the life out of my.
WWE NXT UK is starting on Wednesday at 3pm, and since I've started watching WWE NXT every Wednesday night, I will watch.
So, now I have to figure out if I should just come earlier, or what I'm supposed to do.
Well, I'll figure it all out at some point.
Now, there's only five minutes left, so it's time for me to finish up here, and hope the rain has let up so I can get.
Alright, I'll figure out how to get done all the stuff I need to get done.
Until then, good luck to me.
And, until I'm able to come back again, bye!

I have been trying to get back on track for a while now.
But it's been a few months, and I'm STILL not feeling fully normal.
I've spent the last few days feeling completely exhausted.
I don't know why, since I'm not anemic again, but I'm tired.
This is what I call "Autism sickness" or "Autism Illness".
But it hasn't gotten any better, if anything, I feel MORE tired.
I have to wait for refrigerator and car repairs before I can know why.
I'm just feeling tired and annoyed because I'm still tired all the time.
This isn't much of a poem, just more of a rant, I guess.
I don't know who even reads these things after they are posted.
I guess all I can do is post my little rants in this format, just to rant.
And if someone likes it, or can relate to it in any way, then thank you.
Thank you to anyone who reads this, if anyone reads this.
I'm gonna stop now, because I don't have much to say, I'm TIRED.

The word “identity” has two different meanings:
1. The fact of being who or what a person or thing is.
2. A close similarity or affinity.
I would like to focus on the first meaning.
My identity is based on who I am as a person.
It’s based on the things I do and don’t like.
My identity is based on the clothes I wear.
My identity is based on the way I choose to talk.
My identity is based on my thoughts and opinions.
My identity isn’t based on my Autism or Anxiety.
Some people say they’re identity is their Autism.
And if they’re happy with that, that’s great.
But I was just recently diagnosed with Autism.
And while I have had it my entire life.
I didn’t know anything about it.
I did, however, know that I had anxiety issues.
I’ve had anxiety for a long time, and it’s bad.
I can recognize when an attack is gonna happen.
This isn’t always the case, but a lot of the time, it is.
I know what helps me when I have an anxiety attack.
I have an understanding of what I can and can't handle.
My Autism, on the other hand, is still a mystery to me.
I know that it affects the way I think and learn.
I know it’s the reason for why I am sensitive to temperature.
I know it’s why so had such a hard time in school.
But I refuse to say that my Autism and anxiety identify me as a person.
I have known my personality way long never than both my Autism and anxiety combined.
This isn’t true for everyone, but it is for me.
This is the way I choose to approach my Autism and anxiety.
I’m Autistic, and I’m not ashamed of it.
I have anxiety, and I’m working ******* it.
But I’m not Autism, and I’m not Anxiety.
I’m me.
And I will always stand by this train of thought.
I know that there are times when my interests become my coping skills.
But when I’m not anxious, then they are just my interests.
When I’m having an anxiety attack, then they are the skills I need in order to function.
Right now, this isn’t a coping skill.
My writing this, isn’t a form of therapy.
This is an interest of mine.
I love to write, and was thinking about this, so I decided to speak my mind.
I’m happy to say I’m happy right now.
I don’t feel a bit of stress, and if I do, then one of my interests will be used to help me through it.
Until then, I’m just doing what makes me happy.
And I’m happy that I know myself well to recognize this.
You don’t have to agree with me on anything I just said.
I just ask that you respect that these are my opinions.
I’m an individual who just happens to have Autism and anxiety.
Alright, that’s all I got, I’ve just been in a writing mood over the last few days.

Since I care very much for writing, but also Japanese, I had to redo the schedule I made for myself for when I'm here at the library.
I don't check out a book, because I have other things I have to do.
I need to work on my Japanese, which means learning how to write it.
After that, I need to get on a computer, check my emails, and come on here to write my post.
You know, where I write about whatever is on my mind at the time.
Then, I need to either work on one of my stories on my Google Docs, or write something on my Tumblr for the upcoming WWE Pay Per View.
After that 120 minutes are up, I go outside and eat my lunch, or I walk and get some ice cream.
After I finish eating, I get back online for another 120 minutes, where I spend the time working on a story I'm trying to write from scratch.
Which means I look up stuff, then write them in my notebook.
If I finish with that, then I type up everything I wrote in my notebook.
After that, I leave, and either come back the next day, or the following week, and I have two stories to work on.
Along with, practicing my Japanese writing.
I hope to have a tutor at some point for the speaking.
When that time comes, I change my schedule once again.
Until then, this system works for me.
So now that I've written all of this down, this will be today's post.
Now, I need to write my thoughts and stuff on Tumblr for the WWE Pay Per View that's streaming on Saturday.
Alright, that's it for today.
See you tomorrow, bye!

I hate getting up early, and normally, will do whatever I can to avoid it.
However, I prefer to watch the WWE Pay Per Views live, rather than, watching the replays of it.
So, in order to watch the Super Show-Down Pay Per View on Saturday, I have to wake up by four in the morning.
Why?
So I can be ready and awake for when it starts at 5 am.
I don't know whether I'm gonna record my live reaction to it or not, yet.
I still haven't decided, but I might, it depends.
I do know that I wanna watch it when it's live and actually happening.
And because of this, I need to just deal with the fact that I don't really get to sleep on Saturday.
After that, I go on Tumblr and write my review on each match, then the whole Pay Per View as a whole.
I'm not really looking forward to being up at that time, but I love WWE, so I'll do it.
Besides, it's only on at 5 am because the Super Show-Down is taking place in Melbourne, Australia.
I'm just relying on the fact that some matches and people that I really wanna see are gonna be there for this.
Wow, this was a very short post.
I guess I don't have many thoughts regarding this topic.
Because I wrote them all down in the post I just made on my Tumblr regarding all my thoughts, wishes, concerns, & predictions.
So I may either just be done until tomorrow, or I'll write something else.
In case I'm done, thanks to anyone who for some reason likes my posts.
And also, in case I don't write another one after this.
See you tomorrow, bye!

I texted you one time, to ask if your sister was home.
You said, "Yup."
I asked if you could ask her to text me, since I don't have her number.
You said, "Sure."
I said, "Thanks."
That was the entire conversation between us.
It felt weird, sending you a text.
And your replies made me feel even worse.
It was obvious that you didn't care about hearing from me.
Besides, I asked you to do one thing, and you did nothing.
I got no text from your sister, nor did I get her number.
It's nice to know how much you care about me, your friend.
And more than that, you couldn't even text back "Hi" or "Hello".
If anything, you could've given me an honest answer, but you didn't.
I guess I won't be texting you for anything anymore.
Bye.

Alright, so I watched the WWE Pay Per View on 5 am last Saturday.
And, I have to say, it was a pretty good show.
However, I need to write my Tumblr review on it, and I'm procrastinating, hard.
My reason is pretty simple, I have a system of how I wanna do it, but that means watching the Pay Per View all over again.
And my problem with that is, the Pay Per View was four hours long.
Not to mention, the amount of times I have to stop during each match due to the way I'm doing my review.
I'm giving my opinions on everything, and due to being extremely detailed, I want to make sure I don't miss anything.
However, since Saturday morning, I've been having a hard time keeping up with it.
I'm determined to get it done by the end of the week, though, no doubt in my mind about that.
I think my brain might still be adjusting to the amount of sleep I missed that morning, I don't know why, but it still is.
I mean, I can stay up really late, and still get up at 10 or 11 in the morning.
However, my focus seems to be going in and out when I try to write this review on my computer at home.
I'll get it done, I guess I just needed to state my piece on here first.
I kept wanting to get on my phone and write about how I was too tired to do it, then I would decide against it, for some reason.
Now, I'm finally getting it out, and I can already feel my brain starting to clear up, which is a great sign.
I also have something else I want to talk about, something I'm excited about, but I also wanna rant.
However, I'll save my rant for my Tumblr with a different post, one I can make after I've had my lunch, you know, when I finish here.
I'm on the guest computer downstairs, which only gives you access for 20 minutes, and right now, I only have 11 minutes to go.
Actually, I think I might have time to write the other thing I wanted to talk about now, so I just might do that, after I finish this post.
I guess my reasoning for procrastinating when it comes to that review, is because I don't wanna watch the entire thing again.
Only, I know that I really don't have a choice, if I wanna write the review the way I feel to be the correct way for me to write it.
So, I guess I just needed to get on here and write out what was going in my head about this, and I just did.
And now, I feel so much better.
Like I said before, my brain feels a lot lighter than it did before.
I mean, while I was finishing up my Japanese writing practice for today, I started to think about how I would put all this into words.
And now, I think I did it the best way I can.
So, I have to stop now, because I can tell that I'm starting to ramble a lot, which makes me think I've gotten my point across already.
Alright, I'm gonna end this post now.
I have only 7 minutes left, so I don't have enough time to write the other post.
So, what I'm gonna do instead, is go onto Tumblr or something for a few minutes, then go outside and have my lunch.
Then, I will get back on here when I get to the computers upstairs, where I'll have 120 minutes of free library internet.
Then, I get to leave and walk through the mobile home we're going to be moving into soon!
That's what I wanna talk about, but I only have 5 minutes, so I can't.
Alright, I'm gonna go for now, I'll see you when I get upstairs.
Again, to anyone who reads these posts, and like them for some reason, thank you so much!
Alright, I'll see you in an hour or so!

This isn't really a poem, or a story, or a song, or... anything really. Sometimes I have a bunch of memories in my head that just keep replaying for no reason and I don't know what to do. So, I'm gonna write them all down right now so I can stop thinking about them. Being told that I don't care about someone when my opinion is different or when I agree with the other person instead of the friend I'm with at the time. I'll remember from time to time that I sided with someone else, so my friend would decide to say that I never side with them, so basically, I don't care. This is why I'm always afraid to state my opinion. Because I know that there are gonna be some people who like what I have to say, and others will get mad. That's why sometimes I think it's better if I just don't talk to people and give my opinion. I know some people may think this sounds ridiculous. But I also know that there have to be other people who feel this way also from time to time. I just feel the need to get it out that when people get mad at me for agreeing with the other person and telling me that I never listen or side with them, it hurts me. Sometimes I just wanna walk away and only talk when asked to. That way, I might be able to say something without feeling like I'm gonna get in trouble for it. Is it that way at home? Not really, sometimes, but not enough for me to get into detail about it. But at school, it's a different story. I've been told a few times by someone I care about that I never listen to them or take their side. But when I do, then I'm their best friend who's always there for them. And that hurts because sometimes I feel like what the other person says makes more since. And I'm sorry if that seems hurtful, I don't mean for it to be that way. I don't like hurting people and I just hate it when I'm basically being told that I don't care because I agree with the other person. Another thing I need to admit is that sometimes people think that I just don't wanna talk to anyone because I'm stuck up or something. No one says that out loud, but it feels like people think that way about me. But I'm not, I'm far from that actually. I'm just a very shy girl who has trouble talking to people I don't know. Do I judge people before I get to know them? Of course not. I think that you should get to know a person before you make any assumptions about them. And I hard to get to know? No, all you have to do is come up to me and I'll talk to you. Will I be shy at first if you walk up to me and I don't know you? Yes. But all you have to do is talk to me and I'll see for myself if you really want me as a friend or not. But I should say that I'm starting come out of my shell. I've made friends with two people in Theater Arts and think that we'll all be close in no time. I'm also not the kind of person who's shy and nervous every second of the day. I'm usually pretty brave if I'm around my friends and family, because I know them. Just remember that I'm a very shy person who suffers from anxiety everyday and sometimes needs to be talked down when I can't do it myself. Well, that's all I can think about right now that I think needed to be said. So, I'm gonna go now. Tell me if you want me to copy the first chapter of my story, or at least part of it, and I will. Bye!

When you wanna feel good, but you feel lousy.
You're usually all smiles, but now you're all frowns.
Being sick is annoying, but even more time consuming.
You have things to do, but you don't have energy to.
The tired feeling doesn't go, it just sits there and waits.
You wanna stay awake, but you're eyes are heavy.
Why can't it just end, leave you alone for a long time?
Why do illnesses think, that you want them around?
Venting helps some, but feeling good would help more.
Wishing is helpful, but it doesn't solve the problem.
All you can do.....
Is wait.

How would you feel if you had someone else in your head?
Another personality that could take over at any minute.
Anyone with DID can tell you that it's not easy.
DID stands for Dissociate Identity Disorder.
This is where a person has more than one personality.
It's caused by trauma that has happened in their lives.
Mostly from childhood to in their teens.
People with DID have "alters".
Alters are the other personalities that come out.
If you only have one, then it is known as Split Personality.
It's actually very interesting and there are signs for it.
Like having black outs and not remembering parts of a day.
Speech and movement become different, along with wardrobe.
And then the personality itself changes, likes and dislikes.
No person with DID is the same.
Everyone has different amounts and different lives.
The only thing that's the same is that they have it.
So if someone goes from being normal to being different.
First see if they are just trying something new.
But if the way they speak and act aren't right.
Then you need to know that something might be wrong.
So if someone says that they have Multiple Personalities.
Or just a Split Personality.
Don't run away and don't call them liars.
Because they are still people and they need their friends.
Besides, once you get to know and understand them.
Then things will seem alright.
It won't seem normal, but it'll be fine.

He was a boy dressed in green who flew into the Nursery one night.
He flew in to retrieve the shadow that had gotten separated from him.
He had his fairy and best friend Tinkerbell fly into the room at first.
He followed about a minute later and told Tinkerbell to find it for him.
He watched Tinkerbell fly over a dresser drawer & asked which one.
He ran over to the drawer that Tinkerbell stayed beside & he opened it.
He takes the shadow out & happily holds it in his arms and hugs it.
He tries to stick the shadow on by just putting it on his head and poses.
He then has to pick the shadow up from the floor when it falls off.
He tries again and then sees soap & says he'll use that to make it stick.
He rubs the soap on the shadow or himself & tries to make it stick.
He starts to get very upset because the shadow won't stick itself to him.
He starts breathing heavily & asks, "What's the matter with you?"
He wakes Wendy & she thinks he's crying. "Boy, why are you crying?"
He answers her differently in the recent version from the others.
He just stands up from where he is and bows to her in the other films.
He stands up in the recent version & says to her, "I'm not crying."
He's told in the recent film that he looks like a boy out of a storybook.
He calls himself a "brave adventurer" & Wendy says, "Who cries."
He looks at Wendy and says to her, more sternly this time, "I don't cry."
He asks what her name is, she says, "Wendy Mira Angela Darling."
He tells her his & says, "It's enough for me." when she asks if that's it.
He looks around & asks, "Is this a real house?" Wendy says, "Yes."
He doesn't ask that in all the other versions, they just exchange names.
He does different things depending on what version you watch.
He goes out in the hall in the recent film when a noise interests him.
He tells her some things about himself, like that he is forgetful.
"Second star to the right and straight on till morning." is where he lives.
He tells Wendy this in every single version when she asks him.
He's asked if he gets letters & says in many films, "I don't get any letters."
He says in the recent film, "I don't get any." with a little shrug.
He also says, "I don't have a mother." when told his mother must get'em.
He puts a hand up & backs up when Wendy tries to hug him.
He says, "You mustn't touch me." Wendy puts her arms down & asks why.
He says, "No one has ever touched me." and just looks at her.
He's told by Wendy, "No wonder you were crying." and looks at her again.
He says, "I told you I wasn't. I just can't get my shadow to stick."
He also tells her, "I tried everything. Even soap." points to the bar of soap.
He gets the shadow on with the help of Wendy & is happy again.
He gets a thimble thinking it's a kiss and gives Wendy one to thank her.
He tells her about Neverland & she tells him that she knows stories.
He tells her to come with him and says that they will both fly to get there.
He says before this that he knows fairies & Wendy meets Tinkerbell.
He allows Wendy's brothers Michael and John to come fly with them too.
He teachers everyone how to fly and then they are off to Neverland.

I'm doing this for the people who might like or love wrestling & wanna see it.
The first wrestlers I need to talk about are twins.
The Bella Twins.
I love them so much and watch their matches every single day
The Bella Twins are two girls, Brie and Nikki, who wrestle together.
They are identical so they wrestle with a thing they call "Twin Magic".
That's when they switch places with each other whenever one is hurt.
It works most of the time because they look exact the same.
Well, when they first started working they looked completely the same.
There seemed to be no way of knowing who was who.
They did their hair and makeup the same way.
They even wore matching outfits so they wouldn't be told apart.
They did this until about a year or so ago.
Then they started wearing different clothes that didn't match.
Nikki put highlights in her black hair while Brie kept hers the same.
Nikki also got implants which made her chest look bigger than Brie's.
And then you were able to tell who was who the entire time.
But honestly, whether I can tell who is who or not.
I love watching them because they are so very entertaining to me.
I'll write about their storyline that's taking place now separately.
I'll just say that if you like this then you should read the next one.
Because their is never a dull moment with the Bella Twins.

Oh! Also, I watch their show Total Divas.
And I have to say that I immediately got hooked.
They are amazing to watch and it's fun to see them.
See what they're like when they're not in the ring.
Brie has this thing were when she gets drunk.
She gets into "Brie Mode", which is the wild side of her.
It's hilarious when she acts like that, so I laugh a lot.

He wore green and crowed where he went when he was happy.
He could fly through the air by thinking lovely, wonderful thoughts.
He loved to play and have fun with Wendy, Michael, and John.
He was the captain of Neverland, the home of him and the lost boys.
He went from being enemies to one with Tiger Lily and her tribe.
He was swore off and fought with pirates to save the boys and Wendy.
He fought with Captain Hook and cut off his hand, feed it.
He feed it to a crocodile that ticks and follows Captain wherever he goes.
He loves his fairy Tinkerbell and will do anything for her.
He had children clap their hands to save her when she drank the poison.
He said that Tinkerbell did that to save him from Hook.
He was rather forgetful and really hated having to say goodbye to others.
He also didn't like to be hugged or touched by people.
He said this was because he has never been touched and is used to that.
He also has a strong love for his very own shadow.
He loses it at the Darling Nursery and goes back at night to get it.
He tries to stick it on with a bar of soap many times.
He then gets upset and Wendy wakes up, she asks him why he's crying.
He denies doing so and says that he wasn't.
He meets Wendy and tells her about he lives, second to the right and straight on till morning.
He then says that he doesn't have a mother.
He then rolls his eyes when Wendy thinks that, that was why he cried.
He then has to say again that he wasn't crying.
He tells her that his shadow has come off and it won't stick to him.
He then lets her sow it on for him to have again.
He then takes the credit for it and sings for Wendy to say why he's happy.
He takes her and her brothers to Neverland.
He then has to send them home when they all start to get very home sick.
He comes back for spring cleaning years later.
He returns to learn that there is a new child and that it belongs to Wendy.
He is shocked and upset because she grew.
He shakes his head when she tells him and says, "But you promised not to."
He then shakes his head and says, "No."
He does this when Wendy starts to explain to him why she grew at home.
He then starts to get very upset with this.
He asks her in a very recent version what Jane calls Wendy every day.
He sits when Wendy says, "Mother."
He starts to cry and says that it's not alright, meaning she shouldn't have.
He then wakes up Jane from her sleep.
He looks at her when she asks, "Boy, why are you crying?" and denies it.
He tells her, as he told Wendy, that he's not.
He then gets shocked when Jane knows him and he asks her why she does.
He then starts to smile as she explains.
He asks her if she knows any stories, when she asks to learn how to fly.
He then nods when she says, "Lots."
He then asks her if she will tuck him in at night and mend his pockets.
He wants to know if she will be his mother.
He smiles when she says, "Oh yes, Peter, take me with you!" as she stands.
He nods and says, "Very well."
He then tells her what he told Wendy as he sprinkles the fairy dust on her.
He then sings about Neverland again.
He takes Jane's hand and the two of them fly through the window together.
He's a very sweet and gentle British boy.
He never wants to grow up and stays on Neverland in order not to do that.
He doesn't approve of mothers at all.
He says this because he once went home and saw that his had a new child.
He felt as if she had forgotten him.
He rejects Wendy's offer to come with her because of that very reason.
He also knew he would grow up.
He had a big heart and went through so much with Wendy and the boys.
He tells the story of being a child.
His story is about the child in all of us who loves to play and have fun.
He will always be around here.
He will be here and remain in our hearts for the rest of all our lives.

Carla Simmons is gonna be a freshman at Bates Academy in two weeks. She was born in Nebraska and lived there until about two months into summer break. She and her family moved there when her parents were offered jobs to be agents for the Teens Acting Agency. Her parents learned how to be agents after about three years of college in Boston before moving to Nebraska shortly after having her older sister, Maddie. Her sister is now a freshman at LA Acting Academy in Los Angeles, California. Carla only lives about an hour and forty-five minutes away. But she still misses her sister as if she were on the other side of the world. Maddie was the only one who understood her and now she wasn’t gonna be there. But Maddie said that as soon as Carla needed her she’d be there in an instant. Her sister has a car and says that as long as she has a way to get there, she will. Carla is really nervous because no one in this town knows anything about her. No one except for her new teachers and the people where her parents work. Carla is so nervous because she knows that she has something that might get her either laughed or stared at if it happens at school. Her parents try to tell her that other kids do it every now and then. But Carla is still worried because she can’t control it. At any moment, even if she had the best night sleep in the world. No matter how early she goes to bed and how late she gets up in the morning. She is always so tired that she will fall asleep anytime at anyplace. It happens every day and there’s nothing she can do about it. Well, she could talk medicine to help with it. But she says that she doesn't think it would do any good. So she just decides to let it be. So now she has to go to school and hope that nothing happens. How will her life turn out? Read the California Life of Carla Simmons and find out.

Ever feel like something is going to go wrong?
Ever wish you didn't always feel the need to defend yourself?
Ever feel like everything you say is wrong?
Ever wish everyone would just stop yelling all the time?
Ever feel the need to run away from something?
Ever wish you could just turn your brain off for a minute?
Ever feel so full of panic for little to no reason?
Ever wish you could put exactly how you feel into words?
Well, those are just a few ways of describing how anxiety feels.
The truth is, there are many ways of having and dealing with it.
People can start to panic for no reason, or have multiple reasons.
It can come on suddenly, or it can be triggered by an event.
It can even happen based on something you hear from someone.
There's no telling where it comes from, but it comes from anywhere.
And, no matter what you may think, it comes in many different ways.
When someone says how they have anxiety, don't say they're wrong.
Just think how you would feel if they said your feelings were wrong.
Would you like it if they said that you weren't having anxiety?
No? I thought so, then don't treat them like they're faking it.
Don't tell them that what they're feeling isn't anxiety at all.
Who are you to say the way they're feeling, and tell them what it is?
If they feel anxiety differently than you do, then they just do.
There's no right way of having anxiety.
It's something that everyone struggles with, some more than others.
All we can do is be there for them, understand, and be supportive.
Don't tell others how they feel, let them tell you themselves.

It doesn't matter what anyone says, there's no right way.
Why? Because everyone is different, so they're attacks are different.
I once compared an anxiety to an exercise in theater arts.
And I was told that having an anxiety attack didn't feel that way.
Well, for me, it does, because that's how it feels for me.
You can't tell me that what I'm feeling is not an anxiety attack.
Just like I can't tell you that you're not having one.
Why? Well, because that would be me just saying you're wrong.
And how can I tell you that what you're feeling is wrong?
I don't know how you react to anxiety, so I can't.
That's why, I know that everyone has different types of anxiety.
You can have a full blown anxiety attack.
You can have a mini one, or it can be just physical and unnoticed.
There is no wrong way to have an anxiety attack.
Everyone experiences anxiety in their own ways, and it's real.
Just know that anxiety can happen in any way.
There's no right or wrong way to have one, they just happen.
Whether you can control them or not, they happen.
All you can do, is do your best to manage them and be okay.
That doesn't mean they'll go away, it doesn't.
This just means that you'll be able to live and cope with them.

I just remembered what one of the other things I wanted to talk about was.
Alright, my mom told me I wasn't going to the library today.
She told me this last night, after I said that my legs were a little heavy while I was here.
And it's true, but I think that was because my body thought I was staying home, but I went anyway.
In fact, my cat thought I was staying home, and got moody when he figured out that I was allowed to go after all.
When I told her about my legs, she said I was going to be on bed rest for all of today.
Well, I wasn't a huge fan of that, but she pinkie swore that she was telling the truth when it came to this, so I knew she was serious.
Me and my mom have this thing were pinkie swears are very important to us, it's a mother-daughter thing we have, that's all.
Anyway, this morning, I really wanted to come here.
I told her that I know we don't break these promises, but I really didn't wanna miss another day at the library.
She told me I could go, because my grandmother wrote a note asking her to let me go today, in exchange for this weekend.
I asked her if she would take me on Saturday after the WWE Pay Per View Super Show-Down was over.
I also said she could tell me her answer today, because I asked her last night.
She told me she'd tell me, and I think this was her way of answering my question.
I mean, I don't mind if it was, because I didn't have to miss another week day.
However, I do wish she would've just told me herself that she wanted to stay home on Saturday.
I'm not mad or anything, the complete opposite, actually.
I love being at the library, it gives me something to do during the weekdays.
It's just, now I'm really gonna have to rely on myself staying awake tomorrow.
The Pay Per View starts at 5 am.
Remember, the one I was telling you about when I was on here yesterday?
Well, I was hoping that coming here afterward would give me more than one reason to stay awake all day.
I mean, I'm already tired all the time, but nowadays, it's been for no reason whatsoever.
However, I have to wake up at 4 in the morning, in order to be awake and ready for 5.
And that, will give me an actual reason to be exhausted.
I actually just decided that I'm not going to record my live reaction, because I wanna be able to eat or drink during the Pay Per View.
Honestly, that might be the only way I manage to stay awake.
I mean, right after it's over, I need to get straight onto my Tumblr, and start making my review, which I also said in yesterday's post.
Saying all of that, I was hoping I would be able to also work on my Japanese writing and stuff, but I'm sticking with my schedule.
I've said numerous times how important a set schedule is for me, and it's true.
That's the only thing that has me a little bit bummed.
That, and Mom might not even let me go for a walk to my spot by the mailboxes.
She might let me go for a walk, or to my spot, but again, she might hold me to being on bed rest.
I definitely told her that I'm going to watch the Pay Per View at my computer.
I have to, I doubt I'll be able to keep myself awake if I watch it while laying down on my bed.
I might have to convince her to let me write my review from my computer, but I think I can manage that.
I'll have to stay awake all day, so I can sleep that night, but I think I might be okay.
I may be able to fall asleep a little bit earlier tonight, so I have a few hours before my alarm that I set for 4 wakes me up.
Either that, or what my grandmother says is right, and I'll be so wound up by the Pay Per View that I would sleep at all.
However, I'm not really excited that much for the Pay Per View, especially, not when it comes to Raw's side of it.
So, I don't know if that will be an issue for me tonight.
However, I also have excitement when it comes to some of the things on the Smackdown Live side of things, so then again...
I don't know, but I think I'll be able to get some sleep.
Alright, this was the second major thing I wanted to talk about.
I'm glad I was able to remember it, because I was really annoyed when I thought I had forgotten about it.
But as I was writing that last post, it came back to me, so I was able to get it written down.
Alright, I'm done when it comes to this post, and I still have 69 more minutes to go.
Let me think for a second, and see if there's anything else I wanna talk about.
If not, then I'll see you on Monday.
Nope, can't think of anything else.
So, I'll see you on Monday, bye!

She's someone who lives in many girls all over the world.
He's someone who lives in many guys all over the world.
The sleeping princess or prince is able to sleep wherever.
They can sit down somewhere and decide to take a nap.
And this has nothing to do with having a sleep disorder.
This is just about someone who just tends to sleep a lot.
Like they can just fall asleep anywhere and at any time.
There are some people who do this and it's not a problem.
They just tend to like taking naps wherever they want to.
Sometimes it might just seem like an interesting moment.
But it doesn't really effect anything because they wake up.
And they are able to be involved in whatever they need to.
I just got this in my head from someone from a group I like.
So I decided that I would just write this so I could say this.

Being ill for almost a week literally takes away all the energy I have.
I can be fine one minute, and then filled with exhaustion the next.
I feel as though this subtle little cold is trying to take control of me.
I am sitting here and for some reason feel as though I shouldn't be.
I feel as though I should be in my bed with a blanket to comfort me.
I know that it's normal to feel this way after sleeping in for 3 days.
But I still feel like I have enough energy to take on this hectic day.
I feel like I can only make it for so long before I crash into this hole.
This hole of wanting to sleep away this day and just lay down a while.
But I know that I can't do that because I have to be responsible today.
I need to make it through this school day and get to my chorus class.
To think that I need to wait five hours and forty-five minutes till then.
My mind is just about to go nuts as I say this to all of you right now.
But I will not let my body win, I will not succumb to this tiredness.
I won't succumb to the way I feel that is trying to take hold of me.
I have someone here who means so much to me that I wanna see.
I have missed them so much the last five days since last Friday.
So I need to be strong and I need to try to hang on as long as I can.
I may be breaking, but I am by no means broken, not here, not now.
So I will be strong and will overpower this feeling that is taking over.
I will win this fight and will go on with this exhausting day ahead.
Or, I can hang on for as long as I can and just wait till period 5/6.
I don't know how long I can last, but I know I can do it right now.
I have to, I have too much to do today to leave in a few small hours.
So I will be strong and will fight my way through this long, long day.

Well, today is officially the day my family move in our new home.
The mobile home is ready enough for us to move in, and we have cable and WiFi now, so we're moving in.
Actually, when I get off of here at around 5:24, I'm going back to the condo to get my Mom and our cat, then we're leaving the condo.
It's gonna be weird leaving for the last time, I have to admit.
I mean, I thought I was leaving for the last time as I left to come here, but I was wrong.
Actually, now that I think about it, I'm glad I get to leave for the last time.
I mean, I get to take one last picture of the room where I spent almost two months, while the mobile home was being delivered and set up.
One thing I would like to do, is ride w/ my grandfather in his truck on the way there, while my grandmother, Mom, & cat ride in the car.
I don't know why, I would just really like to see it one last time from that view, rather than , from the back seat of the car.
My Mom needs to be in the passenger seat with our cat, and I really don't like the back.
Also, I would like to be able to actually see the condo from a closer view as we're leaving.
I don't know, I think it will just give me more closure to do it that way.
It's not that I don't wanna ride with my grandmother, Mom, and cat on the way to the new mobile home.
I mean, that's fine, but I just wanna leave with this different point of view.
I just wanna be able to see it from the passenger side of the truck, and get a final look around, you know?
Alright, that's all I really wanted to say.
Now, I don't really know how to spend the remaining 50 minutes of my 120 minutes, maybe I'll work on a story, or go on Tumblr.
I don't know, I'll think of something to do.
I didn't get on here earlier, since I got to the library a little late, and when I was done with my Japanese, someone was on downstairs.
The fact that I didn't get my 20 guest time on the downstairs computer leaves me feeling like something was mussing.
However, I was still able to get onto this one, and I was able to do what I needed to do, which is nice.
Hopefully, I'll be able to come here closer to the normal time tomorrow, and will be able to get on the 20 minute guest one.
Until then, I gotta go and do something else on here, and I have nothing else to talk about.
See you tomorrow, bye!

Why’d it happen?
Why’d it happen so suddenly?
Why’d it seem like everything was fine?
Why’d it seem like you were gonna be okay?
Why’d it change so quickly?
Why’d it decide your time had come?
Why’d it decide it was time for you to go?
Why’d it not let you say goodbye to me?
Why’d it think you were supposed to leave?
Why’d it think you couldn’t write anymore?
Why’d it think you couldn’t cut paper hearts?
Why’d it think you couldn’t leave that room?
Why’d it make them think you had pneumonia?
Why’d it make you leave this world last week?
Why’d it decide you had to go so far away?
Why’d it make you leave without another word?
Why’d it make me excited for a letter I won’t get?
Why’d it make me think I would hear from you?
Why’d it make me think that you were okay?
Why’d it make me feel like you could get better?
Why’d it make me hope you would come back?
Why’d it make me wish you would be cured?
Why’d it make me see only the good in this?
Why’d it make me think you wouldn’t like this?
Why’d it give me this pressure in my chest bone?
Why’d it make me have to write all this out?
Why’d it think a poem would help me heal?
Why’d it think that grieving had to be like this?
Why’d it make me unable to shed a tear for you?
Why’d it make me have to ask these questions?
Why’d it take you away from me like this?
Why?
Why will I never have answers to my questions?
Why can I never see you in person again?
Why do I have to watch a video to hear you talk?
Why do I need pictures now to see your face?
Why do I feel sad when I hear Cher songs?
Why did we share that kind of connection?
Why couldn’t you just stay a while longer?
Why couldn’t you leave to get help sooner?
Why did you think nothing was wrong?
Why did you have to be forced to move away?
Why did you always see the good in everything?
Why did you always let me mess up your hair?
Why were you so patient and understanding?
Why did you watch YouTube videos with me?
Why did you agree to be in a video with me?
Why did you think everything I did was fun?
Why did I think everything we did was fun?
Why did I think messing with your hair was fun?
Why am I acting like I don’t know anything?
Why am I questioning why you did those things?
I know you loved watching videos with me.
I know you loved hearing me laugh all the time.
I know that you had gel that made your hair fun.
I know you enjoyed spending time with me.
I know you loved bringing a tote full of gifts.
I know you didn’t want to retire when you did.
I know you enjoyed your job and wanted to stay.
I know that life was very hard for you.
I know that you always put everyone before you.
I know you moved away because you had to.
I know you enjoyed writing letters with me.
I know you loved making those paper hearts.
I know you loved being my Grammie.
I know I loved having you be my Grammie.
I know I only had you in my life for 22 years.
I know my Dad & Uncle now have no parents.
I know you missed Grampie and Casey a lot.
I know Casey was an amazing & sweet dog.
I know Grampie was funny and your love.
I know you missed Casey, then lost Grampie.
I know you’ve missed other people for a while.
I know you fought for those last moments.
I know you thought you would be okay.
I know that you accepted it when it was time.
I know you weren’t in any pain when you left.
I just wish you didn’t have to die to feel at peace.
I just wish you didn’t have to disappear forever.
I just wish I had known that last letter was it.
I wish I had been able to say a real goodbye.
I don’t know what to do with all the letters now.
I don’t know how to move on with you leaving.
I don’t know why I don’t feel like crying.
I don’t know if it’s because emotions are hard.
I don’t know if it’s because Autism is hard.
I just know that I’m happy you’re happy now.
I’m happy you don’t need that tub anymore.
I’m happy you don’t need to worry anymore.
I’m happy I don’t need to worry anymore.
I’m happy that you’re with the people you love.
I’m happy that you are definitely up in the sky.
I’m happy that you’re an angel looking down.
I’m not be religious or like angels, but I love you.
I know that there is more to life than this one.
I know that this isn’t the only life we have.
I know that people are reborn all the time.
I know that we either do it quick, or wait.
I hope you don’t decide to wait for us.
I hope you go right to your new life.
I hope you get to come back however you want.
I hope you’re happy wherever you are now.
I hope I can someday listen to Cher happily.
I can listen now, but she reminds me of you.
I always said that she kinda looks like you.
I can’t thank you enough for making me a fan.
I can’t thank you enough for being here for me.
I hope you know that your love was felt by me.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t write to you more.
I’m just happy you still kept writing to me.
I want you to know that I read every letter.
I kept every single heart that you made for me.
I love how you started to make the envelopes.
I will keep you with me for the rest of my life.
I will never forget you.
I will love you forever and ever.
I will always be your “Sweetie”.
I love you, Grammie.
Goodbye.

Alright, I know I said goodbye, but I'm waiting for my ride home.
So, while I wait, let me get another 20 minutes on the guest computer downstairs, so I can talk about something.
This time, let me talk about Smackdown 1000 for a little while.
I love Smackdown Live, and can say it's been doing better than Monday Night Raw lately, though, I still watch both.
I love Smackdown Live, and I still can't believe tonight is their 1000th episode.
There are so many people I'm hoping to see tonight.
There's a list on YouTube channels saying all the people who are gonna be on it, but I haven't watched it.
I only know of the few that were advertised on last week's Smackdown Live, and on Raw the last two weeks.
I refuse to watch the video, because I wanna be surprised.
Mainly, I hope The Rock and Edge come back for tonight.
I mean, they were both a huge part of Smackdown.
And I heard Smackdown got their name from The Rock, if that's true, then it would only make sense for him to be there.
I also just wanna see them because I miss them, especially Edge.
I never really loved Edge's character, but him as a person, the one we've seen the last four or five times he's come, I love.
I love seeing how much he loves it, and the promos he gives are usually so heartfelt, so I would love for him to come back.
I mean, I've loved The Rock since I was a kid, so I would love for him to be there.
I only have five more minutes, so I guess I have to wrap this up.
Let me just say those are two people who I don't know whether they'll be there or not, but I hope they are.
Alright, it's time for me to go.
I need to get food, then eat it in time for Smackdown 1000 at 8 tonight.
Alright, I'll see you tomorrow, bye!

Why didn't you tell me sooner?
Why did you act on my loneliness?
Why would you think that was honesty?
How could you think I would just "move on"?
What made you think this was right?
How could you fake feelings for a whole year?
Why would you hurt me like this?
How could you do this to me again?
When will I ever get answers to this questions?
When will I stop having so many unanswered questions?

Why did you lie to me?
Why wasn't I good enough?
Why did you want me back?
Why did you say you loved me?
Why did you lead me on?
Why did you kiss me?
Why, why, why?

I don't know what to think.
These are just some of the questions I have.
Questions I will never get the answers to.
Because I still only feel hate when I see your face.
The thought of your name gives me anger.
And yet, I still wish I could talk to you.
To ask you all of these questions.
I just want to know why you did all those things.
I need to know why you would treat me like that.
When you knew I was so young and vulnerable.
You were the first guy I ever really fell in love with.
Just hearing your name used to bring a smile to my face.
Hearing your voice made me tingle inside.
Your kisses used to feel like heaven on my lips.
I told you about how I never wanted to have ***.
How I just wasn't into that sort of thing.
And you told me you would love me no matter what.
You even worked hard to regain my trust the second time.
Honestly, I didn't know I was in love, the first time.
We started dating, and I didn't know what I was doing.
So, when we broke up, I didn't feel much pain.
I didn't know how it felt, but I knew seeing you felt weird.
When you said you wanted to get back together, I agreed.
And as we spent our days together, I learned what love was.
I fell for you, fell in love with you, and wanted to be with you.
Then, on our first year anniversary, you broke up with me, again.
That time, I felt it, and I felt my very first broken heart.
That whole year, I was sad, and angry, but still, very sad.
That sadness wasn't good for me, because of how tired I was.
I was sick all that year, and losing you, that made me feel rotten.
That day, you were what gave me strength to go to school.
And when we broke up after school that day, it hit hard.
That whole year, I couldn't help but be sad and depressed.
Every time I saw you, my heart broke again.
I couldn't go into the cafeteria, because you were in there.
I couldn't stand to look at you, because you hurt me so bad.
At graduation, I looked at you, and you barely looked back at me.
Then, that summer, you contacted me on Facebook.
It had been so long, but you messaged me, so I messaged back.
We talked for a long time, and you told me you regretted it.
You regretted breaking up with me, and wanted me back.
I made sure you were serious, and you told me you were.
You even told me you would pinkie swear to never hurt me again.
And foolishly, I fell into your trap, for the third time.
They say third time's the charm, but not this time.
I take pinkie swears very seriously, and you broke yours.
Just a few months before our first anniversary, you texted me.
You started telling me you were scared, then said you weren't.
You admitted how you really felt, you had lied to me, again.
I tried so hard to get you to realize how much you meant to me.
I tried to get you to see how much you loved me too.
However, in the end, all those memories, they did nothing.
I made you a memory book, recapping all of our memories.
I made dozens of notes, and put them in that book.
I told you to read them, but you said, you didn't feel anything.
Those memories, those notes, they meant nothing to you.
Once again, you broke my heart, and I asked you why.
I asked you who made you think it was okay to do that.
What made it okay for you to throw the word love around?
And you said your dad, the man you didn't want to be like.
The man you hated, you did what he did, for the third time.
And now, I don't have a broken heart, I did the first night, though.
But now, all I feel is hatred, anger, and uncertainty.
I ignored you when I saw you at a winter concert at school.
Because I was still so mad at you for what you did to me.
And now, that anger hasn't gone away.
That's why I'm writing all of this on here.
You don't have this, so you will never see it.
But maybe, now I will stop seeing you in my dreams.
Maybe I'll be able to think differently when I hear your name.
Right now, all I can do, is type down all of this.
Type all of my thoughts, knowing you will never find out.
This is all I can do, because if I message you, it might happen.
I might fall into your trap again, another broken promise.
And I can't do that, I won't do that, I refuse to do that again.
I refuse to be another toy for you play with again.
I don't take the word love lightly.
When I said I loved you, I said it, because I meant it.
Whenever we kissed, I felt good, and I thought you felt the same.
Sometimes you wanted to kiss me for a long time.
Then you would hug me, then kiss me again.
You kissed me just right, and I felt so good.
As I type this, I can imagine it, but I know it will never happen.
I know what I thought we had, never existed in the first place.
Those feelings, they were one sided, and yours, they were fake.
I was real, but you were fake.
And now, I will never see you again.
And I will never forgive you, for how you played me three times.
I just hope that one day, when you meet a girl, you won't play her.
I hope you actually fall in love with her, actually care about her.
You say you cared about me, but you never did, not for a minute.
When you meet that girl, don't tell her you love her, if you don't.
Don't throw that word around like it's an every day word.
Because, between two people, it has so much more meaning.
The word describes the way you feel about your other half.
I thought you were my other half, but clearly, I was wrong.
Which is why, I hope you don't hurt the next girl who loves you.
I hope you are real, I hope you mean it when you say you love her.
Please, don't repeat the cycle you created with me.
Because, if you do, you will never have true love.
And for me, I am now scared to fall in love with someone.
Because I'm afraid they'll be lying when they say they love me.
But I hope I find the right guy, who means what he says.
When I ask him if he means it, I hope he tells me the truth.
I hope he doesn't lie to me, the way you did.
I hope he takes the word love as seriously as I do.
And unlike you, I hope he steals my heart, then keeps it.
Take care of yourself, and be better to the next girl.
That's all I can say, before I start repeating myself.
Have a nice life, and find happiness, real happiness.
Well, I'll end this, the way you ended us, "Goodbye, forever."

Why does seeing him still fill me with so much anger and hatred.
I've written about him a few times, just to get him out of my head.
But every time I see him, I get those memories back again.
I know that many of the memories are good and peaceful.
But I can't help but think they were nothing but a bunch of lies.
I mean, to read a text from someone saying they didn't mean it.
That they only said they love you to make you happy.
But they didn't really feel that way about you at all.
I meant it when I told him that I loved him, and I thought he did too.
I thought he meant it when he kissed me, and held me in his arms.
I thought his words were honest, but they were all lies.
He was only saying what he thought I wanted to hear.
He wasn't being honest with me, or with himself.
And that would make me spend so much time with him.
I spent countless times over at his house with him.
We would kiss, and I thought we meant something.
But apparently, I was the only one with any real feelings.
This makes me afraid to get close to another guy now.
Mainly, because I fear that when someone says they love me, it's a lie.
I'm afraid they'll say it just because they want me to be happy.
But that, they're lying when they say it to me.
Now, I haven't been with anyone since him.
And that's partly due to my anxiety that is very bad right now.
But when I'm ready to hang out with people, someone might come along.
And when that happens, I don't think I'll be able to help but be scared.
I just don't want to repeat what happened with that other guy again.
It happened three times, over a span of my last two years of High School, and my first year of being out of school.
So now, I think I have my mind cleared again.
At least, until the next time I happen to see him.
And the other thing is, if I talk to him, those feelings with come back.
I can tell, because if he talks to me, I'll remember how much I love him.
But that's bad, because it's one sided, and I don't know if he even cares.
He might've said he preferred me as a friend, but he's never messaged me since.
His final message was "Goodbye forever."
I mean, that's pretty cryptic, and it hurt for a bit.
But the next day, I realized it didn't hurt, because I was over it.
The second time we broke up, I really loved him, so I couldn't seem to get past it.
But this time, when we broke up last year, I couldn't care anymore.
I'm not sad, I don't mourn this break up, it just angers me.
Knowing that he never really loved me, that angers me.
I wanna ask him why he did that to me, but I doubt he remembers.
Alright, I'm done now.
I guess I just needed to rant for a while again.
Now that I've said this, I think I'll have peace for a while.

Ever laid down and then woken up feeling dazed and/or confused?
Feeling like it was an entirely different day and even checking.
I've had those moments a few times over the years and don't like it.
I've only taken about three or four naps over the 16 years I've lived.
And I can honestly say that waking up after one is never fun at all.
Always checking the clock and then trying to remember the day,
And then even checking the calendar or your phone to be sure.
Or you wake up and due to blankets are covered in a lot of sweat.
Sweating after a nap is always annoying because then you feel hot.
Luckily, today's nap only brought on confusion without the heat.
Hopefully tomorrow will mean not needing a nap to confuse me.
Or maybe I will actually be able to remember if a nap is needed.
All I'm trying to say is that even though naps really are good.
They are not the best thing to wake up after during the day.

My boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to our Senior Prom last year.
Then, he said he would come up with a better way to ask me this year.
So, he spent the last few months thinking and thinking about how to.
Yesterday, he decided on asking me while on one knee , by the cafe.
Only, he realized that it would seem a little strange if he did it that way.
So instead, when we were sitting on our bench today, he just asked me.
He said, "Wanna go to prom?" with a goofy smile on his face, I giggled.
Then, I said, "Sure!" Then we just started talking about prom and stuff.
I can't wait to go to my Senior Prom with someone that I really love.
And, we're also going to the Homecoming dance that's here tomorrow.
He showed me his shirt and tie, which made me smile, I do that a lot.
Just getting to go to the Homecoming Dance and Senior Prom with him.
I can't even begin to explain how happy this makes me feel right now.
I mean, I never imagined that I would have a boyfriend , at all, really.
And then, I asked him out during Sophomore year, and he said yes.
I don't have any idea why, we barely knew each other, but he did.
Then, we got to know each other, and I began to fall in love with him.
Then he got scared of getting hurt and decided to break up with me.
That was last September, and about six months later, he smiled at me.
Then, I found out that he really had never stopped liking me that way.
I asked if he wanted to get back together, this was on April 1st, 2015.
Now, it's been five months, and we are actually stronger than we were.
I love him so much and want to be with him for a very, very long time.
My mom doesn't trust him because of how he hurt me the first time.
And I understand, she says, "You can't marry him, date, but not marry."
And no, I'm not thinking about marriage, I'm only 17, too young.
But, that being said, I really wanna be with him for a long time.
Even if that means just being boyfriend and girlfriend, well, forever.
These four words, "Wanna go to prom?" may seem simple or cliche.
But, not to me, if you ask me what these four words means to me.
To me, these four words mean that he really does love & want me.
That he wants to take me to the most important event of High school.
And mostly, that we are in it for the long haul, we will make it last.
And I really love that he wants to go to these dances & things with me.
Because, I usually don't go, because I feel so out of place, strange.
But when I went two years ago with him, it was completely different.
I started dancing right away, not caring about how weird I looked.
I can't dance, but when I saw him dancing, I just smiled and moved.
He made me feel so comfortable, and he was there for me all night.
When I had an anxiety attack, he sat with me, and bought me Gatorade.
Because he said he wanted to do, "Whatever makes you feel better."
That was the sweetest thing I'd ever heard anyone say to me before.
And now, I look forward to dancing with him, because he's amazing.
I can be myself when I'm with him, and he can be himself with me.
We don't hide things from each other, well, not this time around.
Now, we tell each other about however we're feeling, we care.
These, and many other reasons, are why "Wanna go to prom?"
Means enough for me to write a long paragraph about them :)

What happened to make you decide to end it on our 1 year anniversary?
When did you decide that pretending you loved me was being honest?
Where did you get the impression that you needed to use me once more?
Why did you have to go & hurt me again, the way you said you wouldn't?
How could you think that I would be okay with being led all year long?
What did I do to deserve being treated this way by someone I really love?
When did you think that lying to me was the right way to be truthful?
Where did you learn you could love someone because they're lonely?
Why did you say yes to liking me when someone else said it for you?
How could I not have seen all the signs that proved you didn't love me?
What made me think that what we were actually meant to be together?
When did my mind decide to forgo any doubts that kept surfacing?
Where did you start giving off vibes that I should've picked up on?
Why didn't I see that you were only "going through the motions"?
How could I not see that my mom was totally right about you?
What made you think that lying to me was the right thing to do?
When did you think that I would love to hear that you never cared?
Where did you get the idea that you could keep your feelings inside?
Why did you think that I needed to be lied to for a whole year by you?
How could you just blurt something out on the very day of our 1 year?
What other questions am I supposed to be asking you before I let go?
When will I finally be able to feel the way I did before you came to me?
Where can I find the happiness I had when you told me you loved me?
Why do I need to go through this heartbreak for the second time?
How could you be so heartless, yet seem so sweet and genuine?
What was I thinking when I tried so hard to keep us from breaking up?
When did I imagine us sitting on your porch, for you to hurt me again?
Where was the first sign of you not really being honest of your feelings?
Why do I care so much about you, after you broke my heart and trust?
How can I be friends with someone who doesn't care about me at all?
What makes you think that you can do something so mean and selfish?
When did you think that using my loneliness to fill yours was honesty?
Where did it occur to you that made you didn't care about me at all?
Why would you decide to take a special day, then rip it to shreds?
How am I supposed to forgive you for what you've done to me?
The truth is, I still wish we were together, though it's not right.
I wish that Friday never happened, and that we were still one.
I loved the times we spent together, and can't act like I didn't.
I can't fake how I feel about someone, unlike the way you did.
I can't find it easy to "go through the motions", the way you did.
I don't say I love someone, only because it seems like "they" like it.
You told me love me way before I had the courage to say it back.
You kept telling me to take my time, and earning my trust back.
And the whole time, you were playing me, knowing it was wrong.
Honestly, you should have told Pat that he was wrong about it.
That you didn't really like me, instead of just go with what he said.
I can't believe you used my loneliness in order to fill your own needs.
I know you were lonely, and I'm sorry, but it doesn't make this right.
You still didn't need to lead me on for a whole year, then break me.
I let down my guard, let you all the way in, and this is the thanks I get!
You know what, I wish I could say I'm over you, but I'm not there yet.
You can pretend that we never existed all you want, but I know we did.
I need to accept the fact that I wasted a year of my life, being used.
And I need to come to terms with having my heart broken once again.
I still see you in my dreams, but it's never for good reasons at all.
Since Friday, I keep seeing you, and you could care less about me.
You tell me that you were using me because I needed you, I felt guilt.
You came to my house to ask if I could help you with school, then left.
Tried to make me think that I wanted to be your friend, you didn't care.
All you cared about was school, like on our 1 year anniversary.
You might not care about me, or love me, or anything, but I still do.
I still love you, & it will be a long time before I do, but I will move on.

This is a story about a boy who wore a green outfit and hat.
He had a sword that he used to fight off the pirates and Hook.
He had a fairy named Tinkerbell, who was his very best friend.
He loved to play and have fun with the lost boys at Neverland.
He once had a mother, he knows that for sure, but now doesn't.
He told Wendy about how he returned to his home after leaving.
He said that the windows and door were all barred, locked.
He was locked out of his home and was heartbroken by that.
He also said that there was another boy in his bed, another child.
He said that his mother had forgotten about him when he left.
He said this when Wendy tried to get him to go home with her.
He was so sad when he was talking about his home and mother.
He had tears in his eyes as he sang about that very sad evening.
He would've said that he wasn't crying though if asked about it.
He went home, but found that he was not missed there anymore.
He then decided that it was best to not go back to that home again.

There's this person I keep seeing here at the library.
I know I recognize her, but I can't remember her name, or where I know her from.
I feel like she was someone who used to help me when I was in school.
I don't know if she's from my elementary or junior high school years, though.
And the worst part is, she knows me, and always says hi.
Another bad part, is that she's obviously here to help tutor someone, because she's always with someone when I see her.
And I can tell by the way she talks to them that she's there to help them learn something.
I want so badly to just ask her who she is, but I don't wanna interrupt when she's working with someone else at the time.
However, every time I get ready to leave for the day, she's already gone.
This has been going on off and on for the last few weeks now.
And yesterday, when I heard her say my name as she said hi, I knew she remembered me from somewhere.
And now, I can't stop thinking about her, because I know I've seen her before, but I just can't for my life remember where.
And, like I said above, I just wanna ask her.
I told myself that if I saw her today, that I would ask her who she was.
I would ask if I could talk to her for a bit when she was done with whoever she was talking to, then find out her name.
She knows mine, so I know I've seen her a lot before.
I have a feeling she was one of the special ed teachers who used to help me with either my reading or math when I was younger.
I just can't remember her name, though.
And just knowing that she's not here when I really want her to be, so I can get some answers, is driving me crazy.
I tried to look her up by going onto the library's website, but her picture isn't anywhere.
I tried looking her up using the name of my old elementary school, but since it was closed down in 2011, the website no longer exists.
And to make my life even harder, when I looked at the website for where I went to junior high nearly nine or ten years ago, nothing.
There were no pictures to go along with any of the names of the staff and faculty.
And I wanna ask on Facebook, but I don't know if she has it, or how I'll even come across finding her.
And because my family is only staying in our condo while our new mobile home is being set up for us, the yearbooks are still packed.
They're in boxes that are in the garage on our side of the condo we're living in at the moment.
So now, I have to wait another week or two, before I can find out through those pictures who she is, if she's even in them.
All I know is, I can still remember what her face and hair looked like.
And honestly, if I knew her name, I could say she looks the same as she did when I used to see her, if I'm right, nearly every weekday.
It just bugs the life out of me that I don't remember her name, but I know that I know her from somewhere.
Alright, if I keep talking, I'm just gonna start repeating myself more than I already have.
I said I was going to be making more posts today, and this is the first of a few more to come.
I signed on for the remaining 110 minutes, and now, there are 94 minutes remaining.
And for some reason, until I don't have anything else in my head to write, or it's time to get off and go home, I'm gonna keep writing.
So, the posts are gonna keep coming for a little while.
And if you actually read all of these, and like any of them, thank you so much!
I don't write these for views, I just write these because I wanna get thoughts that are in my head out.
And since I don't have someone to talk to, like I said in one of my previous posts, this is kinda like a diary for me.
I just write, and it's up to you whether you wanna take the time to read it or not.
First, let me just apologize for the fact that all my posts are so long.
I just really like to write, and when it comes to making points, I just talk until I think I've made it.
It's the way my brain is, and I can't change that, but I'm trying to work on it.
Like now, I can tell that I'm starting to ramble a lot more than I should.
So I'm gonna stop with this post, and get on with the next one.
Alright, I'm done, on to the next post.

Have you ever seen someone get so happy and touched over the little things?
Something so small, that it seems like it shouldn't really mean so much.
Have you ever offered to help someone by picking up whatever it is they needed or dropped?
And have them react with a million thank yous & a look of wonderment?
Why do people tend to get so moved by the little things, no matter how small they are?
Why does doing something so tiny make someone feel so good inside?
The truth is, there's no right answer to this question, people just feel this way.
Because there are some who feel alone every single day in this world.
People who feel like no one likes them or wants to be their friend for some reason.
Or, there are people who need help with something because they are disabled.
Whatever the reason may be, anything you do can make a difference.
This is why, beyond may other reasons, the little things matter to people.

When writing, nothing is off limits.
Every thought and feeling can be said.
When speaking, everything is limited.
Whatever is said can have consequences.
When writing, time to think is given.
Making it easier to process every word.
When speaking, things can be said wrong.
Leaving others to have to justify their words.
When writing, justifying is a lot easier to do.
Because there's more room for being thorough.
When speaking, misunderstandings are inevitable.
Arguments and fights can always come from it.
When writing, there's time to state every opinion.
Each word can be taken in a more productive way.
When speaking, saying anything can be a mistake.
A simple word or phrase may seem highly offensive.
When writing, words can be said with more clarity.
They can be far easier to understand and relate to.
All in all, writing is easier than speaking.
Because, while your voice says one thing, your writing,
says another.

Verse 1

I look in, your room, thinking that I would see.
You there, in your bed, sitting up, and watching TV.
It’s still strange, at times.
When I walk in this room.
‘Cause it’s changed, a lot, since the day, you left.
And now, I think, it’s time, for me, to say.
That I, still wish, you were here.


Bridge

Cause you left me way too soon.
Going on is so hard without you.
I dream about you at night.
I still think about you all the time.
Why did you have to go?
Why did you give up on hope?
I know you missed him,
but now I have to miss you too.

Chorus

It’s not fair!
That you had to leave.
And now I’ll never see your face.
How did that seem, like the right thing to do?
Cause it’s been so hard here.
Without you.


Verse 2

I still, remember, that day.
When I woke, and heard, the news.
That you, had past, away.
And were taken out while I slept.
That day, I didn’t, cry.
Didn’t shed, a single, tear.
But that’s not because, I didn’t care.
It’s just that I don’t grief that way.
I smile whenever there’s pain.
Cause if I don’t.
Then I don’t know what else to do.


Bridge

Cause you left me way too soon.
Going on is so hard without you.
I dream about you at night.
I still think about you all the time.
Why did you have to go?
Why did you give up on hope?
I know you missed him,
but now I have to miss you too.


Chorus

It’s not fair!
That you had to leave.
And now I’ll never see your face.
How did that seem, like the right thing to do?
Cause it’s been so hard here.
Without you.


(Instrumental Break)

Different Bridge

I know, that it’s hard, when the one you love, is gone.
And I know you missed him so much.
But where did that leave us?!
Where did that leave me?!
Why was it time to leave?!
You could’ve gotten better!
That’s how I feel!
You could’ve gotten back your strength!
Why didn’t you…?
Wait.



Verse 3

What, am I doing?
Thinking this, could’ve been , avoided.
This didn’t, happen, overnight.
It happened, as the, days passed.
I know, you were, growing weak.
And I know, that you, were in pain.
But I still think, that I, should say.
That I, still wish, you were here.

Bridge Again

Chorus

It’s not fair! (It wasn’t fair)
That you had to leave. (That you had to leave that day)
And now I’ll never see your face. (I’ll never see your face)
How did that seem (how did that seem), like the right thing to do? (Like the right thing to do)
Cause it’s been so hard here. (It’s been so hard here)
Cause it’s been so hard here. (It’s been so hard here)
Cause it’s been so hard here!
Without….
You.
Oooh….
Without you.

I actually thought I had a lot more stories and things I wanted to talk about.
But now, I just figured out that all those thoughts I had a little while ago, have suddenly disappeared from my memory.
Before I left to have my lunch, I had so many things I wanted to talk about.
I just finished my post about one of the things that was on my mind, but I finished it by saying I was going to get out my other thoughts.
Well, how am I supposed to do that now?
I mean, there were so many things I wanted to talk about, but now, I can't remember what any of them are.
Or, in this case, what they were.
I'm thinking, but I'm drawing a complete blank.
Hold on, maybe I'll remember at least one of the other things I wanted to talk about soon.
If not, then I'll see you on Monday.
Bye!

People seem to say, "Oh, it's totally fake!"
"Why would you believe anything you see them do?"
"It's all acting."
And that isn't entirely true, at all, but many people won't believe me.
Now, don't tell me I'm wrong, because this is my opinion.
I won't say you're right or wrong in thinking wrestling is fake.
All I'll say is, if you think it's completely fake, then I disagree.
And here's why.
I always ask those I talk to about this the same question.
I ask, "If wrestling is fake, then why do people actually get hurt?"
Then I say, "If wrestling wasn't real, then people would never get injuries that either cost them a few months, or force them to retire."
The reason why I always say this, is because wrestling isn't a joke.
I see people actually get hurt because they botch a move, or land wrong.
I've seen punches and kicks actually connect, and cause someone to get a concussion.
I've seen people get dislocations and broken bones, and wonder how long they'll be out for.
Sure, there are things that can be overexaggerated.
And I won't doubt that injuries can be purely storyline driven.
But, when the person is actually hurt, and needs surgery, how can you call that fake?
How is it fake if the injury causes someone to have to hang up their boots for a while, and go into physical therapy to recover?
How is it fake if it can cost people their careers, or their lives?
Remember what happened to Owen Hart?
He was supposed to come down from the ceiling, but the thing broke, and he fell all the way down to the ring.
People didn't know whether it was real or not, but he ended up dying from injuries sustained from that fall that same night.
Wrestling isn't fake, but it is scripted.
The storylines are scripted, I don't doubt that for a minute.
There are many wrestlers who have feuds on camera, but are friends behind the scenes.
There are people who act like heels, but are the nicest people you'll ever meet, or the other way around.
Mistakes are real, and the bumps they take will actually hurt.
There are things you can fake, and it does take acting in order to portray the right emotion.
But when someone breaks something while wrestling, and is out for a long period of time due to surgery and recovery, then it's hard for me to believe for a second that it's completely fake.
I prefer scripted, so that's what I call it.
Raw is on tonight, so I had this thought in my head, and decided to get it out.
Okay, that's my library post of the day.
I'll talk about something else tomorrow, or the same thing, I don't know.
I just write whatever I feel like, and I thought about this, so I wrote it.
See you tomorrow, bye!

Right now, I'm doing this because I just want to write.
But when I need to, writing actually does help ease my mind.
Anxiety can be a mind field at times, and that can be stressful.
But being able to write for a while, can be a great distraction.
I can get lost in whatever it is I'm writing about.
Writing stories is a fun thing for me to do.
I don't plan on showing my stories to anyone, since they are for me.
But I do like to write, and when I'm stressed, it calms me down.
At the moment, I'm not worried or anxious about anything.
This just seems to be something I want to do right now.
I don't know how my writing on my Hello Poetry account will last.
And, as you can tell, most of them aren't even poems, really.
I just write whatever I feel like at the time, using this form.
I might even want to tell stories at some point, and that's fine.
And if you like whatever it is I write for some reason, thank you.
I don't think what I write is that great, but it's what I like to do.
Writing seems to be a nice pass time, like watching shows & singing.
Only have eight minutes left, as I'm on one of the library computers.
This is where I like to be every day, remember, I'm here on Weekdays.
It's a fun pass time for me, and with my schedule, it's a breeze.
I keep looking at the time limit, and I just realized I'm rambling.
I guess I don't have much to say about writing, but I talk anyway.
Writing is a fun thing for me to do, as I've said a few times, already.
I'm actually listening to K-Pop on my Spotify as I write this.
I only have five more minutes, and people are walking in...
That makes me a bit anxious, so I'm trying to use this as peace now.
Trying to keep my mind at peace, by focusing on what I write.
I don't know what else to say, but I don't want to stop yet.
I still have four minutes left, and I don't want to waste them.

I was in for a surprise of a lifetime Christmas 2014.
Well, actually, that's not entirely true.
It was actually supposed to be New Years Eve of 2014.
But my mom wasn't feeling well.
So I got the tickets on Christmas Morning for 1989.
And if you don't know what I mean.
Then read this and I will explain the whole thing.
I wanted to see Taylor Swift live.
I wanted to go to her 1989 World Tour this year.
Her 2015 1989 World Tour.
But I thought that my family wouldn't have enough.
You know, money for that.
So I convinced myself that I wasn't gonna get to go.
And for a while I  believed.
And then they told me on Christmas that I wouldn't.
They got me a camera instead.
Or, at least, that's what they said and I believed them.
I thought they couldn't trick me.
Well, as it turns out, they fooled me all this time.
Making me think I wasn't going.
When they had the tickets since November 11th!
I can't believe they got me.
I honestly believe that I wasn't gonna see her live.
But I was told to come out.
Because there was another present for me.
So I nodded and walked out.
I was in my room trying to work my new camera.
So I put it down and left.
I went to the living room and was told I had a CD.
And I needed to open a case.
I nodded and opened the case to find paper.
And it had 6 words.
You've bought 2 tickets. Thank you!
And I knew I was going.
I knew that they had gotten the tickets after all.
And then they told me.
They said I wasn't gonna get them till New Years.
They were gonna hide it!
Let me be depressed and sad for a whole week!
And then at midnight.
They were gonna give them to me as a surprise.
Because I wouldn't have....
I wouldn't have expected them after Christmas.
But I was still in shock.
I just said, "What?!" over and over again all day.
I still can't believe it!
Everyone knew she was going on tour before me!
Yia-Yia and PaPou K.
Which is Greek for Grandma and Grandpa.
Knew about the tour 1st.
You don't know how happy this makes me.
I have been a fan of hers.
A fan of Taylor Swift's since I was seven or eight.
When I heard her in 2007.
And then really got into her around 2009 or 2010.
I've been to 2 shows.
I've been to her Speak Now and Red World Tours.
Held at Gillette Stadium.
Which is in Foxborro, Massachusetts near Boston.
That's why my mom's going.
Not for the show, because she loves Boston lol
I don't mind, though.
I get to see Taylor Swift live for the 3rd time!
And that's amazing.
The rest of school vacation flew by after that.
I can't begin to tell you.
To tell you how happy and excited I am right now.
I mean, I can't wait!
I get to see her during her 1989 World Tour.
She's doing 2 shows there.
The 24th and 25th of July, in seven months.
I'm going to the 2nd one.
And I have a camera to film the whole show.
Just need more batteries.
Wanna make sure I don't miss a single thing.
Just wanted to say that.
Wanted to do a follow-up on my last thing.
Because I didn't know.
But now I could tell the rest of the story.
So now, to sum it up.
I'm gonna get to go see Taylor this year! :)

Verse 1:

He noticed her sad eyes,

And asked her why she was so sad.

She said it was because of the way she looked

And he couldn't understand.

Bridge:

But you're the most beautiful girl I've seen.

So why can't you see?

Chorus:

You are the most beautiful and unbelievable

Girl I have ever met

And you are wonderful, simply wonderful.

How could you not know it?

I could tell you in a million ways

Baby I think, you're beautiful, yeah

Verse 2:

She asked him why he felt that way

Since no one had ever said that before

He said that it had always been true

She just didn't know.

Bridge:

He looked at her with love in his eyes

Then he smiled at her and said

Chorus again then:

I've known this from the day we met

Whoa, oh, you're beautiful

Why can't I make you see?

How much you mean to me?

Chorus once more, then:

He noticed her sad eyes,
And asked her why she was so sad.