You.
You wanted it.
You wanted her fragile adventurous heart so no one else could have it. so you took it, you took it without care without caution. You didn't realize it was slightly broken when you found it but now that you have, you're having second thoughts. But that's not fair, she wanted you with everything in her but you just throw it back. You didn't listen. You didn't listen because you're selfish with your love, because you took everything out of her so you didn't have to get anything back. You watched that heart crack in your hands for months as you counted your trash on the side.
But, she forgave you. She forgave you because she thought you loved her. She thought you changed and maybe for a second you believed yourself. You talk about your future with her. You told her you'd die for her, but you lied. You **** the life out of such a beautiful soul for so long, she doesn't know how to fix herself now, or even begin to understand why you did the things you did.
She let you go!
But you came back.
You came back because you were lonely, because you no longer had someone who cared so deeply about you. You broke her heart because you were unsure of yours. You broke everything in her because you could. When you ended things she cried for days, She couldn't even remember how to eat. You hurt her so badly and she was still in love with you.
But she has to let that go.
She has to pretend things are okay so she doesn't look like an idiot.
She BEGGED you not to let her let it go.
You did.
So she begged you not to let it go.
You did.
You did everything she asked you not to. Everything she begged you not to do.
She doesn't want to hate you, but when she cries herself to sleep all that comes from your name is pain.
Pain...
Stay away.
Do not ever come back to that girl.
Stay away.
Because if you ever come back, she may not be strong enough to tell you to go, because she may say I still love you and make the same mistakes all over again. Because with your selfish hands. You may break her all over again because she didn't get to heal. she gave you too many chances to count. But you gave her up. But it's ok. it's ok because you'll regret it all one day. When she's finally happy and over you you'll miss her.
You’ll miss her.
You'll miss her childish humor and her fragile heart.
You'll miss the girl that never gave up on you when everyone else did, you'll miss that annoying girl who consistently wanted to make sure you're okay because you weren’t smiling like you were an hour before.
But she deserved better.
She deserved to have her heart held by the kindest of hands. Ones that keep their promises. She deserved to be flaunted as if she was gold. She deserves flowers and chocolates. She deserves so much more than a boy who thought he was a man.
But she didn't realize.  
She didn't realize that love didn't mean the same thing to boys.
She didn't know.  
She didn't realize you had a whole life without her that made you just as happy. She didn't realize that you had already made up your mind long before leaving. She didn't realize love was nothing less than a four letter word in this generation. But mostly she didn't realize that love didn't mean the same thing to boys.
She didn't know...
But mostly she didn't realize she had to apologize for loving someone too much...
Way too **** much..
A.

what a beautiful thing life is
that we can find moments
of joy in our tears

that we can become so happy
that we find we are unable
to do anything but weep

that we can find love
in both comedy and tragedy
in the simplicity of smiling
in the complexity of grieving
small gestures of gratitude
little acts of kindness

how lucky are we that we can find
our hearts with an over abundance of love
that love can overflow faster
than our hearts can beat
and our hearts can beat faster
than a falling star
desperate to find a last wish
faster than a hunger cheetah
and the gazelle trying to outrun death

how lucky am I to be here
to still be here
when there have been moments
when I had carelessly wished that I wasn’t
how many pennies have I tossed away
on thoughts that weren’t worth
the cost of thinking

and somehow I am still here
against the odds of my own self doubt
against the bets of my own loathing

how many times have I felt
that the days were too cold
the nights too long
how many winters
have I invited to stay
to keep the possibility of spring
from blooming in my heart

how poorly have I managed
both the gears and wisdom of the clock
what a grand illusion we make of time
to paste numbers on its face
to give it hands that cannot hold
what it can only watch slip away

to give measurement to something
that has no end
had no beginning
as if to mock infinity
to entrap eternity
to something so small
we could wear it on our wrists

much time is wasted
and I know this to be true
for a have wasted more
than my fair share

and yet
I am still here
and lucky to be so
what a strange and wonderful gift
to feel the autumn of death
slowly creeping through my bones
to be granted access
beyond the curtain and illusion of time
to see the magician
though a thief and a liar
is the same a fool as any can be
as many are

tomorrow is the same as today
and yesterday is still here
time cannot be tensed
by past or future stress
it can only be here
here for this one brief moment
this one short glorious pause of eternity
this long yawn slowly interrupting infinity
stuck somewhere between
the laughter of children
and the last breath of the dying

and how lucky am I
to be here
to still be here in a life
where I find moments of joy
in tears I am only
too happy to weep

I have met bitter people with sweet faces
And rich people with poor intentions
Darling
Everything about you
Is as clear as day
Your eyes
Your face
Your lips
They all show the same
As your heart
I love that with you I never have to search for the truth
Promise me
Promise me you'll never change
I love you just the way you are

Tell me I will last
   Anyone will last
And I will greet you with a laugh
   Mortal and cold
Like the dawn of each new day
   Every minute growing old
All will wither
   All will die
All will fade
   Will not last
   Or outlast time
Truth be told
   Noone will survive the youngest youth
   Just as none will surpass the timeless old
This is the Morbid Truth
   I hold