I was once something
more.
A man, vibrant in heart
Passion.
Unremarkable tho
genuine
    gentleman,
Maybe not so
gentle.
Red in tooth and
claw.
Strong enough to
give,
As good
As I got.
Until
Invisible harm
Undid this
charm.
day by day
Turning
grey.
Until nothing remained
left unshamed.
of me.
Now I'm just a shadow
At each feast,
Little left of man
Just beast.
Nothing left to love
at least.
Invisible.
Unseen.
Bleeding out.
Without
a doubt.

I learned the truth,
Today.
I heard the anger and pain
In your voice.
We're strangers again,
somehow.
No affection.
No trust.
We bark and bite.
Trying to wound.
Trembling.
The strength I had  —
Forgotten,
Like those sweet
whispered moments.
I long to leave it far behind.
To sleep in peaceful arms
and forget...
The sun is ******.
The birds don't fly.
All that once knew love
has died.

I long to leave
this world behind.
I am a stranger here
without your hand.
A shade now walks —
Where once
there was a man.
This roar has been stifled.
Now mute,
Heartless and frail.
There is no pity for the loveless.
There is no time.
There is no rest.
There is no hope.
I see the indifference
in their eyes.
The distance between us.
It is unbearable.

My world is cut in silence
The rain is red
All stories told.
Our bodies roamed just like a virus
In denial
Of our true home.
This sickening betrayal
Left a monster
In my place.
The love I gave entirely
Lead only
To my disgrace.

Those promises became dead ends,
While we slept.
Familiarity turned slyly
On its head —
As warmth became hostility.
Love usurped by self.
Blighted.
Faded as the stars.
Am I disassembled?
Am I ruinous?
This perfect agony.

In the weakness
Of desire,
I became nothing.

It's okay to walk away
The others didn't stay,
I wouldn't love you any less.
I wish it were my heart
That tore us apart,
The trouble is my head.
A sorrow lives inside
That cannot be denied,
Poisonous to all who stay.
The prize ain't worth the fight
Doesn't mean it's right,
To leave me in the dark.
It's okay to walk away
I know that you can't stay,
I won't love you any less.

The pressure of
this life
The woe
The loss
It made a ruined
Diamond
Out of me.

Today, is greater than my words
Today, is smaller than my love
Today, is sharper than my pain
Today, is duller than my truth
Today, is
Everything
Nothing
Today, is undefined
It is woe
It is glory
It is our genesis
It is our end

My world is smaller.
I no longer know your love.
All beauty broken into pieces,
Scattered.
Each morning —
Grey and pitiless without
your radiance.
I am a shell,
Once breathing.
Cut,
Heartless and sore.
A soul,
Without essence.
Ugly.
Spent.
An empty memory —
Looking for its end.
Walking with shadows,
Doomed by a love that died
without warning.
You — were my heaven.
You — are my purgatory.

I wish that it was over.
These days drag slowly
Searching for reason
Justification.
A simple promise,
meaning
No matter how trivial,
So long as it's genuine
Warm like toast.
But there's nothing,
Just the meaningless actions we're locked into.
Kicking against the ******
Unable to stand the pain,
Nobody can see
This sickening distance.
Growing
This isolation.
I wish that it was over,
One last breath
I won't fight.

This bed is like a coffin
With a burial each night.
I could tell you where
it all went wrong
But it wouldn't make it right.
I'm never worth
Remembering
You each showed me that.
With your pretentious self obsession
Words that always fell flat.
Each day is long and empty.
I cannot find my way,
So forgive me
Graciously
While I slowly fade away.

Upon waking
I fall into useless
pieces. Waiting
for the lies to
disprove themselves.
You didn't leave.
There is no chasm
between us,
No need to cry
tired tears.
Resume that
fragile
future.
Wake up.
Love me again.

All the aspects of my heart,
         Got taken apart.
Chambers and valves
         Whispering
"Time heals all wounds."
This sick routine of
Wanting, Longing
stripped me to the bone.
I am my own tired shadow,
Losing every battle
To an outcome,
  Obvious
  to all but my love
still peddling it's hope
Cheap and unwanted.
Your ghost by my side
    Tarnishing my hand
With little fingers.
Dreaming of you every night,
                       Only to wake alone.

All we have left are diversions,
To pass the time.
A pantomime reality,
Without function.
Without meaning.
Those jokes we shared,
Cutting the world down to size.
They aren't funny anymore.
That forgotten t-shirt —
The stray intimacies of lovers —
The lacerations in my skin —
The blood that I spill —
The ambulance ride —
The last face I'll ever see —
You.
My favourite girl,
My favourite hell.
Io fei gibetto a me de le mie case.
QUIT TORTURING YOURSELF.
QUIT TORTURING YOURSELF.
QUIT
TORTURING YOURSELF.
Quit torturing yourself.
Quit ******* trturing yrself.
Quit trtrng urslf.
Quit.
Quit.
...

Don't open your eyes
Today.
Don't stir from thoughtless
Slumber.
Each word you say is wrong.
Each choice that's made  — a blunder.
Don't try to give your all today
For it won't be enough.
Don't fight against this devil dog
It's bark is not a bluff.
Just go and hang your weary head
Perhaps go back to bed.
You might not win each battle,
So win the war instead.

Love died
When I lost you.
The infinite joy
I found
Breathed its last.
Beauty,
In exile
Sadly retired.
Since you left,
Each day is black
All passion gone
No turning back.

It's easy
Why are you so sad?
Cheer up!
Buck up,
It's like you're
not even trying.
Quit moping
Quit thinking
Smile,
It's your
own happiness
You're denying.
Some people
have real problems,
You're just faking.
Positivity
cures
all.
Quit your
bellyaching.

We hear this all the time,
Do you think it really helps?
Those endless
thoughtless platitudes
You spit when
we get sore
Maybe if you understood.
Maybe if you knew.
You'd talk a little less,
and listen a little more.

I'm afraid that there's
nothing left.
I'm afraid that meaning
is surely fading —
Dulled by absence.
A slow burning ember,
That was once an inferno.
This stage —
Once brimming with joy,
Holds now only silhouettes,
Ghosts.
Tender echoes.
Love letters returned,
Unread.
Counterfeit,
Plagiarised —
Empty.
This is how the world ends.
Without you.

I stopped trying
To give away this love
A love that never fits
I was not born into
this world
Just cast away from it
These compulsions
that I fight
Show a life I cannot lead
Every word I utter
Will my heart impede
The pieces that are falling
Will tumble til I cease
Hidden now in shadow
Waiting for that final peace.

My darling —
You helped me to understand,
You helped me to breathe.
In you I knew love.
You were the sun!
Now I lie here
Dismantling the certain future,
Counting words.
Now I'm a ghost ship
No sextant, compass or map.
My darling —
Will you forgive me?
Will you weep for me?
"I'll always care for you."
An empty platitude,
A parting shot.
Always and forever.
In the arms of your new lover.
Silent.
Silent.
And you don't think of me.

There is another world
Found in sleep
Buried
A godless avenue
Beyond temptation.
Conjured past,
A loveless future
Stalking dread.
It's logic undefined
Your soft chaos sings to me.
Every hereafter
A new world.
Take refuge in the nightmares
Don't let me wake up.

Your words
that hold
No meaning
Will
Choke you
In the end.

everyone says they know
the finality of love
but you
became
the end
of
me
.

These endless skies
Always fading
Since you left.
A hollow dawn,
Unforgiving
Like the lies
We get
used to telling.
Love like this
Wasn't made to last,
You were my future
Now I'm just your past.

Can't sleep tonight.
I feel her touch,
Her heated whisper in my ear.
A memory half real
upon those brief waking seconds.
An ancient forgotten myth —
Alive and panting,
Graciously demanding attention.
"I am still here.
   Forget me again,
When the night is kinder.
Tonight my horror
          Is yours to keep."

There's is no feeling
Worth expressing.
No reality
Worth addressing.
With all the thoughts
That I'm repressing,
The future
Is just depressing.
This world that
leaves me stressed,
Is just a
*******
Popularity contest.

The screws dug deeper
        into my skin Burrowing
like tiny invasive flames
Pain tripping sickly
into my veins Finding its home
  under
       muscle
and sinew As
tendrils probed my serpent
guts
Shock.Subdued.Sensation
Gently arresting functionality
Instead of Epinephrine resistance
I found myself drifting
further Into Sleep.

My words are
ineffectual
Stunted,
Silent in my throat.
I'm screaming torment
Inwardly
But you won't
even know.
The days have faded
Constantly,
Though pain it
Still remains.
There is no comfort
now you're gone,
No shelter from
This reign.
I'd pray to god
To help me live
But the devil's
more my kind,
I'd like to burn forever
And leave this
world behind.

You see love.
You see kindness.
A version distorted
Through wondrous eyes.
Is it false representation
Or a temporary form?
What you see
won't keep you warm.
Keep looking and you will see,
The ugly horror inside me.

This pain, so absolute,
These moments Slowl
y dulled. Losing you h
urt so entirely, I could
n't find my way back.
Each day is final, Cho
king away this failing
strength. It was never
your fault.

Time erodes all memory,
Love ain't how it's meant to be.
It only leaves you burnt and scarred,
Your heart twisted, narrow—hard.
All the truth you knew untied,
Hopeful passion left denied.
I thought your love eternal bright,
But now I face the dying light.

Cracks appear in skin
Lines swallowing light
As the years bleed
                    Into nothing.
No love will tend these
Wounds. This damage is
irreversible.
No balm will show me
mercy.
These fissures yield no blood,
No illustration of pain.
This is my final
Transmutation.
From stone — into dust.

I miss the touch
of lust The intimacy
of lips on skin
Desperate ecstatic
fumblings Giving way
to honest
desperation
Hotly whispered
requests
Secret yearnings
No need for shame
No need for love
Just tell me what
you like.

Divine beastie —
There is wonder in your fine eye.
A wild nature,
Ancient and unfurled.
Chaos and smoke,
Night and dagger.
You! Sweet familiar,
Cruel wanderer.
I have known
your heart
A thousand lives.
Never stray too far.

I can't help myself.
Without effort
I will take it all to pieces.       I'll show
you
Black ruin.  The misery that picks
clean my.   bones.
Self—destruction,
My whispered mantra
I will not be happy.
I will not be happy.
It's a divine sickness
Undenied. My ugliness
Is my shame.
Let me show you
The nothing I'm capable of.
Crawl towards the edge.
Step. Off.
Smile.

This is permanence.
This is finality.
This is failed ambition.
This is faded youth.
This is compulsion.
This is rage.
This is impotence.
This is pain.
This is despair.
This is shame.
This is punishment.
This is contrition.
This is the gallows.
This is blood.
This is marrow.
This is annihilation.
This is damnation.
This is purgatory.
This is rapture.

In this low permanence
I miss my desire —
The luxury of sin
That filled the void
Between pain and loss.
The blissful anaesthetic
of your mouth,
Always hungry
Bitter in its vulgarity
Unafraid.
In those moments
we were endless,
Aching into oblivion.
I don't care what you want
Just tell me,
Your secrets
Moaning sweet obscenities
in my ear.
I don't miss the feelings,
Your hand in mine.
Just those three little words.

I'm sorry if the heart
beating
beating
just for you
Is now something
You wish
Would stop.
This frantic call
Keeps me
awake,
Cursing its
cardiac
Confession.
If only it knew
you don't love me anymore.

Forgive me.
Forgive this undying love
That brings you
Such distaste.
Forgive my heart's honesty.
Forgive it's endurance.
Forgive my broken mind.
Forgive my tears,
Fervent
Burning as they fall.
Forgive my sickness,
Forgive my rage.
Forgive each pitiful word
That you won't hear.
Forgive the things
I can't undo.
Forgive my memory.
Forgive
My joyless life.

It takes more strength
to live Than it does to
die. It takes more heart
to smile Than it does to
cry. The easy road is
crooked The fruitful
path is long. It's cold
out in the world when
you don't belong. The
cruel word hits harder
The kinder word is
weak. Shut your mouth
and listen You don't
have to speak. Forget me
now it's easy Love is letting
go. Goodbye dear, don't
worry I'll never let it show.

The world without you
                    would seem so bare.
Your quiet musings,
Tiny congregations.
Unnoticed,
Always present.
Like a gentle heartbeat
A fragile throb of life.
To and fro —
Beyond our mortal realm.
Secrets and wonder
In plain sight.

I saw you go  It didn't hurt.
I know the truth —
You lie in dirt.
So happily I live alone,
Without remorse
I've stumbled on.
Your simple words  Shed simple skin
While I fought wars
I couldn't win.
So rage. So howl.
Gnash your teeth.
It was never worth the grief.
Continue walking empty halls,
One day I'll forgive you all.

This pain,
This addiction.
A love letter —
Carved in skin.
A ****** red itch.
Undenied.
My scars are medals,
Tragic measurements.
Sickening,
Precise in their torment.
Self-loathing.
Self-inflicted.
Self-destruct.

Your society
Created a
Vanity, so ugly it
Poisoned
punctured and
Primed
A youth.
Self-obsession
Attention starved
Cruel and mindless
inhumans.
Smartphones breeding
this dumb
Generation.
Martyrs,
On digital
crosses.
Look at me.
Define me.
Press "like".

Give me a shot.
Remake the love we had,
Still breathing.
Buzzing.
Retrace the steps
That led
To our brilliance.
Breathe life into the dead.
Kiss cold lips,
Steal the fading pulse.
The words we shared were vows
Not just empty mutterings.
Not sounds flung into nothingness.
Meaning given virtue.
Love speared on eternity.
We are falling stars
Cursing our path.
Corpses bloat the rivers.
Churches burn.
We are this shoddy ******.
This is our beginning.
This is our end.

It's easy to expound
Who we are
Through definition and vice.
But there is more within
Hidden variables
Precise Sins
Heartless Approximations.
We are chemical gods
Violent
Snake Guts.
Parasitic lovers.
Effigies of father and (sun).
Ready to pin
Destiny
On foolish mistakes.

I want to be gone.
Erased from lives and history.
No pain,
No regrets.
No stinging hearts,
No pointed fingers.
No variables.
No guilt.
I added up to nothing.
0.00 recurring.
Each phantom day,
Each worthless minute.
Please let it end.
Without
Consequence.
Without
Meaning.
Without
Me.

In the morning —
I felt the gravity surge,
Sinking my heart
To it's farewell.
Accountable
To moon and stars,
No longer loving in their gaze.
The silent judgement
Laid me low.
A pile of bones and fading skin,
Forever lost
My Hell within.

Sleep/
This is my
Compromise.
Between/
Life & Death.
gentle slumber/
Capture
This breath/
Oh Merciful
Reaper.