Depression is
your mind's way of
keeping the sorrow
at bay.

I am a storm-
a trail of destruction
that follows me each day.
I am the thunder,
the pain and paranoia
that goes boom in the night.
I am the black clouds-
I am my own black hole
and this anger cannot
escape.

Realizing that you are
not as special to someone
as you thought you were
just cuts that much deeper.

Why do I wake up?
It was always you.
Knowing that I share the
same moon that kisses your
smooth and pale cheeks
is all the reason I need
to get out of bed each day.
And knowing that you bless
my dreams each night is
all the reason I need to
rest my weary soul.
It was always you.

And just like that,
you were gone-
a scent lost to the wind,
a sight lost to the void,
a touch lost to space
and a memory lost to time.

I could play
your heartstrings all day,
blow a kiss through the horns
of our love
always
and forever.

Grief is
inevitable.
Everyone will pass-
they will turn to memories
and all you can do to prepare
is make sure you made an
abundance of them for
that inevitable day.

It is time to accept
that you are not coming back.
It is for the best-
I would not accept you.
What betrays me once
will surely betray me twice
and as many times
as it needs to.

True love is
knowing how to
be silence with
someone.

I keep hurting
myself with thoughts
that I may or may not mean.
There's a storm raging
inside my head-
silvery clouds I
cannot tame.

Hey you, it has been
Awhile but my heart still
beats only for you

12:40 PM
11/3/20

Now I am
but a second thought-
if a thought
at all.

The world is awake
so write more because someone
is always listening

7:06 PM
11/5/21

When was the last
time I felt like myself?
Maybe when I was young
all those years ago.
But those memories are
as distant to the present
as I am to myself now.

Though I may not see you
if I close my eyes,
my body still feels you
despite the fact that
you're gone.

October,
the month of blossoms
and hopeful horizons.
Perhaps this hibernating heart
can come out again and
bask in the new sun-
perhaps it will thaw out
one last time.

How many times can
the same thing destroy your heart?
I think I've lost count

8:34 PM
13/5/22

I like the city
but I do miss looking up
at the starry night

1:45 PM
3/8/21

I know
it may seem
like things aren't
ever going to be alright
but in the end,
time will prove
you wrong-
it always
does.

You want a sign?
Honey, if you are in need
of a sign to convince yourself
that it is right,
it probably
isn't.

And so we reach that time again-
the eve of an election.
The world holds its breath
for better or worse
as we turn another
page in the books
of history.

you can let people
leave when you know the ones who
care will always stay.

12:36 PM
6/7/20

Healing begins
with a choice.
A difficult one, yes,
but commit to that choice
and you will be
on your way.

You are art
the way you are
constructed with all
of my favorite things
inside of a
flawless frame.

Dear Diary;
Would the world
be any different if I
stopped putting pen to paper?
Would life
by any different if I
stopped pursuing my passion?
I've considered it,
but what would I be
without my voice?
I feel too much to sit in silence,
to bottle it up without an outlet
to keep me sane.
The truth is that I am incapable
of separating myself from these words-
an extension of myself on page
and I wouldn't have it
any other way.

Dear diary;
Tonight,
I will once again
return to the shadows,
to hollowness and emptiness,
to nothingness.
Oh, the joy of losing myself
in the darkness of space and time,
the joy of being no one and nothing
for another night.

I found you
in the dead of night-
a lost and lonely wanderer.
So I took you in,
cleaned up this house and
made space for you to stay.
You stayed for a while and
we felt lonely no more.
This house became our house,
and when it was your time to leave,
this place was never the same
no matter how many times I
tried to fill your absence.

Dear diary;
I thought about dying today...
or so I thought I did.
I think about death a lot lately
and I'm not too sure I
know the difference.

I was never a singer,
but when my heart was full
I could not help but
write you a song that
you will never
get to hear.

Why do we try so
hard for those who simply just
do not care at all?

11:55 PM
7/10/21

How do you know if
you are missing someone or
simply the feelings they made you feel?
Is there any way to know for sure?
The memories will last forever
but the nostalgia will come and go
like tides on a lonely shore.
So is it you or the feelings we shared
that I find washed up from sea?
My own little treasure chests
I will cherish forever.

Life is increasingly
turning into one big "should've"-
perhaps it has always
been one.

Dear diary;
who am I?
Whoever I am,
I frighten me.

It still warms my soul
that you haven't forgotten me,
hell, you still think about me.
I poured all my love into your cup
and you have not spilt it
and turned away like
so many before.

Even in darkness,
my shadow will torment me-
I can't outrun it

8:45 PM
13/5/22

To kiss your lips
again
is a broken heart
worth repeating.

I hate the way I woke up,
hungover,
and all alone, again.
I hate the loneliness and
I understand why I am
every time I see my
reflection in the toilet water
throwing up last night's bottle of gin.
I hate the way I waste the day
and do it all over again that night.
I hate this cycle that I
cannot break.

Let my pour my soul
onto the page until
it overflows
and drowns me
in passion and pain.

When I walk through this city,
I see so many wonderful restaurants,
but the only one I want
is located halfway across the world
somewhere down your street.

If it were not for dreams,
how else would we escape?
There would be nothing to look forward to
each time we close our eyes
and wonder what world awaits us.
At the end of the day,
whether we feel sad,
happy, or anything in between,
we find solace in closing our eyes
as we drift into the dream world.
Sometimes we wake up with feelings
we did not know we had.
Sometimes it is good to escape
at least just for a while.

If I had to choose,
I would say I miss
your accent the most.
Your foreign words
took me to a foreign place,
a place away from this life,
a place I called my home.

I wrap my heart in
shadow, silence and stone.
Now with so many walls,
I fear parts of me will
never see the
light again.

I am not
for everyone.
I am not
for this life.
I am not even for myself
on most days.

The demons
always find a way
of rebuilding the bridges
I set ablaze so very
long ago.

Now that you've confirmed
all of my worst fears, who knows
what will come of us?

3:09 PM
4/7/21

Waking up in Memphis
one last time and I
am sad to say goodbye.
She's driving me to the bus depot
thinking about how she'll spend
the rest of her day.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking of how I
can stay just a little bit longer.

All this time has passed
and I still think of you.
All this time has passed
and I hope you do too.

you chose to erase me
from your book-
to tear out my pages
one by one
and rewrite the story
of you and I.

Dear diary;
perhaps it was hope,
one ****** up illusion,
that convinced me
that maybe,
just maybe,
I ever had a chance
with you.

A photograph of you
brings back a wave of nostalgia
and I am drowning
in memories
once again.