Yes, I'm okay.
No I'm not.

Yes, I'm just really tired.
No, I'm tired of living.

Yes, everything is fine.
No, my world is crashing down around me.

Yes, I'll be fine
No, you'll be lucky to see clean wrists tomorrow.

Yes, I've been eating.
No, I haven't eaten, when I do, I throw it back up in disgust.

Yes, I feel confident.
No, I just wish I was perfect.

Yes, I'm fine being alone.
No, I just want somebody to love me...

Yes, I'm telling the truth*
No, I'm telling the truth.

Because.

Usually I lie
Whenever I say I'm fine
Except not right now

And I have seen the wrong
Of these dark thoughts
And the red remains of silver
And bloodied eyes

And chilled to the bone
Lays my smile
The one that always had to be forged
To survive the abyss

No wonder I feel so cold and dead inside
It’s hard and petrified
Unhopeful
And impure

To the girls who are secretly so broken
You WILL be alright
I know you have scars on your soul
Maybe your heart
Possibly your wrists
None of this is your fault
And even if you think it is
Let it go
Not that you can, that easily
But try
I know you are broken
I know you're not okay
Especially when people ask how you are and you answer "I'm fine"
When what you really mean is "I'm alive"
But what do you really care about your own survival anymore
Well I just want you to know
There is beauty in broken glass
And to me
There is immeasurable beauty
In broken girls
So don't you ever forget
You cannot be defined by pain
You're too beautiful for that
Stay strong, broken girl
Nothing is ever really broken

Sometimes I would hold the hand that broke me, expecting it to be a barricade between me and a vehicle.

Sometimes I got so scared of the monsters under my bed,
but I didn't realize that I crawled into bed with one, expecting it to stop the nightmares it caused in the first place.

Sometimes it kissed my finger when I got a paper cut,
but never once did it cool the tobacco kissed burns on my arm.
Sometimes it whispered "I love you" with the same lips that screamed "You're worthless!"

I remember when I hated everything about it but I still craved it to stay.
I remember when it left, but its presence still breaks my bones and cuts my skin.

Everyone wonders if you cut
or have suicidal thoughts.
I can still be depressed
and not want to die
or hurt myself.
Everyone wonders if you're sad.
No one ever asks if you're
happy.

I honestly am not suicidal anymore.
And that's good.
It's nice to be able to say that again.
I'd like to feel like I'm living more often, but I don't want to **** myself anymore, at least.
I honestly am not suffering from an eating disorder or any kind of weight paranoia.
This is also good.
It is really nice to be able to feel less worthless in that sense.
These are good things.
I'm getting better.
Let's focus on the positive, Ember.
This year WILL NOT JUST BE AN EXTENSION OF LAST YEAR.
You don't want to live like that anymore.
The silence is over.
Build something better for yourself.
It's time to find your own escape.
And it's time to focus on something better.
Maybe this sinking feeling of depression isn't entirely escapable, but count the struggles you've overcome.
I don't cut anymore, I don't starve anymore, and I don't make drafts for suicide notes anymore.
These are good things.
I still feel hollow, but I'm alive.
I'm going to start FEELING alive.
This is my goal.
It will be okay.
I need to start believing that.
because it is true.
I just don't know it yet.

I bathe in tears every day
Ever since you threw me away

The tears should help cleanse my soul
But my heart is drowning, I no longer feel whole

Goodbye my Darling
I'll sit here and wait
For the tears to end
To find out my fate

And while these broken wings
Come up and drown me
All I hear are rings
That would've made me free
                                                    
All I have been looking for
In my dreams
I don’t want the glory
And these rainbow studded beams

And I have still been looking for
The happy inside of me
Shore to shore
I could always believe