three nights ago,
you were in my bedroom,
loving me,
kissing me,
helping me.

two nights ago,
you were in her bedroom,
loving her,
kissing her,
helping her.

one night ago,
you were in your bedroom,
neither loving her or me,
neither kissing her or me,
neither helping her or me,
because we both let you go.

think happy thoughts they say,
and the bad ones will disappear.
and my question to you is how?
how am I supposed to stay happy,
when my thoughts are telling me that i'm
a **** up,
a mess,
a ****,
an idiot,
a *****,
a fatty,
ugly,
a failure,
and i'm never gonna succeed?

just tell me how

is it by completely hiding the fact,
that i have not-so-great thoughts?
is it by spilling out my thoughts,
to a person in a white coat,
so they can write it down on a clipboard,
and give me happy pills?

because it's not that easy.
yet people tell me every day,
it's not hard.
i just chuckle at them and say,
you don't understand.

the thoughts go go go,
nonstop,
like a river.
and floating down,
is her mind,
like a boat,
lost in the water.