i am no fortune-teller but i always
fuse my sanity with anticipatory grief.
this is no magic, but to say
“i already knew”, “somehow, i expected it”
is a comforting script for my love’s
trajectory.

so even in the middle of the night,
while i load my clothes on the laundry machine, when i fix the messy table
from an all-night review,
during my silent walk to the cloud,
in the bath, as i eat and breathe and
live on my own, i would utter in
my mind like a ghost leaving my throat:

“i miss you” for the days we have fallen
back in silence; “congratulations”
for all your victories i won’t be able to celebrate; “take care” for your
travels i will not know about; “good luck”
for the things you will bravely do;
“i love you” for the years ahead where i will not feel it anymore; “thank you” for all your
warm gestures i am only left remembering;
“happy birthday” for your rebirths
that will be unbeknownst to me.

i fear i have been holding onto you
only for my grip to end up a muscle memory;
for my love to wither politely and silently in
tiny increments; for my grief to send postcards into my doorstep—
one mail at a time.
only to remind me to rehearse my sorrow,
write script for my heartbreak,
choreograph my departure, design the right
falling into silence; my numbing and losing.

happy birthday, just in case my prophecy crystallizes, and i won’t be around next year.

your love in my life shines like rubies,
feeling so sweet like candies,
made me sing soft melodies.

distance may keep us physically apart
but all my fond feelings for you won't depart
because i know i'm always held close to your heart.

since you came, each day has been beautiful;
even mundane days are delightful
because in every second, you make me joyful.

a love like yours is a rare gem
even if we're miles apart, it's not a problem
we'll always be the perfect tandem.

nobody felt the way you do,
nobody showed affection like you do.
the moment i gazed into your eyes,
i knew i want to be a part of your life.

you knew i was hesitant to commit
and my inner feelings — i never did admit.
you made me breakthrough that shell
because you loved me so well.

thank you for all your understanding,
and forgive me for my foolishness;
with you, i'll always choose a love that's everlasting,
i hope we spend a longer time of togetherness.

i wear my heart up on my sleeve
iots of times i’m too naive.
i know im not perfect
i have shortcomings in every aspect.

yet you loved me the same,
you took away all my shame
and all the insecurities I hid
you helped me learn from what i did.

never could i imagine how would i ever be
had you not given me a guarantee.
the assurance my heart yearns for,
because of you, i am more confident than before.

there are things i have promised you,
things i don't ever want to put you through.
i'm sorry i broke those promises somehow,
i knew we weren't for each other anyhow.

i just want you to be happy,
i know we're both tired of being shady.
things between us are already sketchy,
every day, holding on seems very heavy.

letting go of you was hard
yet i don't want toxicity to bombard;
i want the best for you and me
so please, let's just set each other free.

those days were warm, hot, and long,
but you rushed to me like a sweet song.
your warmth is what i always wanted all along,
then i knew to you is where i want to belong.

autumn came and leaves started to fall,
the wind also started to blow cool breeze;
but your tender care is what i always recall,
the way you make my mind feel at ease.

winter then came and it falls snow,
the weather has become a lot colder too;
still together, we continue to grow,
all the things we've been through, i won't undo.

then comes springtime,
the cherry blossoms started to bloom,
yet you still shine and your charm sublime;
your presence will never make me go gloom.

this summer marks one year of our togetherness,
i'm blessed with all we've been through in the past year.
my heart has deeply fallen in love with your tenderness,
and with you i'm willing to journey, without any fear.

you told me that we can try again,
amidst all these things we can't explain.
you told me we can still smile,
even if sadness is here for a while.

although we can't be physically near,
thank you for still holding me dear;
thank you for putting away my fear,
assuring me that sooner skies will be clear.