blinding madness
while drowning in sadness
I'm confused and angry
bruising with self-hate

knowing you love me
but the waves stay above me
gasping for air shouldn't shame me
I just want someone to relate

The logic gets twisted
just to be right
instead of sharing compassion
we digress into a fight

The one I trust most
can't hold my heart with care
slowly becoming a ghost
with a distant stare

I regressed to fragility
shards of my heart scratching my eyes
wondering if this love
will be the end of our lives
082415~8.02a

Once a person told me

In a selfish world,
                               Selfish succeed!

you are the reason behind my late night shots of whiskey

There’s no place for me in this world
I’m just not like the other girls
I know, all of them say that
And also complain about how they’re fat
But going on I just can’t deny
The more I lose, the more I try
I’m not insane, thin or pretty
I’m nonconforming but a little witty.

There’s no place for me in this world
I’ve noticed as my life has unfurled
Maybe I’m the loser here
Sometimes I want to disappear
But even if I ran away
My problems are still here to stay
Trapped in place to figure it out
So I’m plagued with mountains of doubt

There’s no place for me in this world
Except to take care of my boy and my girl
But how do I get them the things they need
When the system is corrupted with greed?
I don’t know the rules or how to win
This game of life we’re living in
The system is set, I can’t give up
Stuck in a cycle of self destruct

There’s no place for me in this world
Searching for the things that are real
Am I just giving up?
Each time it’s getting tough
Relationships work and school
Failure seems to be the rule
Maybe I should just give in
And conform to the world we’re living in.

Isn't so magnificent how everyone has a story?
Every single person has a lifetime
of memories and thoughts and knowledge
stored up, just waiting to be shared

Each part of their past shaping who they are today

Every time you talk to someone
you get to dip in to a little piece
of who they are
And I think that is just wonderful

a rope hung from above
slowly wrapping it around my neck
contemplating if there's another way out

problems fast approaching
with torches and pitchforks
spouting the harsh truth i never want to hear

reached out my hand
hoping that someone will grab it
and pull me out of this deep dark hole that is me

Where did my love go
After I gave it to you
So I could make you happy?

Where did my light go
After I gave it away
For only you to use?

Where did my heart go
After I gave myself to you
So you wouldn't have to be lonely?

Where did my mind go
After I let my guard down
And you took it all, just for you?

I'm mad.

I'm mad I can't express myself without the fear of being judged to the point of a breakdown.

I'm mad I can't be with you and your whole existence I call perfection without being looked down upon and shamed.

I'm mad that 'us' will never exist.

I'm just mad...