A blank page
My heart was
You were my colored brush
Filling in the white spots with the red of our love
But only to wash it away
I always swept water over it
Not intentionally at all
Maybe I am colour blind after all?
Could you not see the dedication I put to dissolve myself in you?
And in your pain?
I don’t know how to define it, but that’s what my love is
When you couldn’t absorb anymore darkness of the colours you were dipped in me
I engulfed you in my deep ripples to absorb your sufferings

So how could you stop this cycle?
Why did you turn away to other waters?
When you know well enough that without you my oceans will dry up
And I won’t survive long enough
Even if I catch my breath my last wish would be you dipped in me
And I truly would attain salvation.

So come back please?
And give brighter shades of happy songs of love
To my gloomy melancholies of heartbreak and loneliness.

I swear I wouldn’t survive long enough
And even if I catch my breath my death desire would want you dipped in me
Only then, I will attain salvation truly!

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

Is thinking of all the possibilities
And letting it scare you
Into not living your life

Literally
Not doing anything
Because of everything that could go wrong

Dying
Because You can't risk
Living

Choosing the path in which certainly everything goes wrong.

Today’s the day,
I will no longer pretend,
That everything is fine,
When it is not really fine.

Today’s the day,
When I stop caring,
About all the doubts in the world,
And the problems that uncurled.

Today’s the day,
That I will finally love me,
No matter what they say,
I will finally be free.

Today’s the day,
I will finally be happy,
Without a care in the world,
Nothing can hold me down.

But today’s the day,
You remind,
That all those years ago,
How they are not the same.

But today’s the day,
Where I had to remember,
Of how I couldn’t forget,
What you had said.

But today’s the day,
Where my fear haunts me,
As it has days before,
Taking my every breath.

But that’s okay,
Isn’t it?
As they say,
There’s always,

Tomorrow.