Hello,  I was born at the exact death of the 20th century
I was also born witness of the birth of the 21th, a new glory
And all events i am rhyming here are for me history
Since they were all buried when I had no memory
At, least supposed to but my case was desultory
back to 1973

A baby was born
between death and life he was torn
And to an unforeseen path he was sworn
Out of the hush of the womb, his ears perceived every sound as a horn

1977 and my first joy
The old place looked coy
he, now Simon, was playing with a toy
as every night, a ritual he seemed to enjoy
Again, that toy and only that toy he did employ
Me, I could not get my eyes of a doll, everything else you could destroy
The doll that did not exist to the boy

And deep inside of me i wish i could brush her hair
But I could not even feel air
my eyes tore up and my hopes i decided to spare
suddenly a flare
And I saw three circles, I swear
This seemed rare
Even under shock, I could see Simon sitting there
I did not know why of him only i was aware
And about my existence, he did not care
This did not seem fair
He suddenly and brutally shook his hair
Like if he was hearing a blare
And his pain i hoped to share
but it was pain he could bare

He recovered in a blink of an eye
at first he turned his head and seemed shy
Then he took the doll but why?
he brushed her hair and care he did apply
I would do it the same way if i was a guy
Oh My!
Thrill of joy really made me cry
It is the first time that reality to my wishes did comply
I don't have wings but I believe i can fly
The butterflies in my tummy made me reach the sky
Then, he stopped, held his neck wry
And without knowing where to look said hi


1989 and I was still confused
at times I was amused
at times my soul was abused
The time when he did what i refused
All the time that was misused
But wounds have bruised
and everything was excused

Like when Simon sought privacy
And even from me he wanted to hide
but that showed inefficacy
And in discovering his body he took pride

He was as hot as the sun
And he seemed to have a lot of fun
His sight was fixed in the fashion of a look at a loved one
I needed to know my body to get what was done

My body was totally different, built in an other way
More like those girls that took him away
I felt jealous how he chose with whom to play
I was mad, with him i did not want to stay
I wanted my own body with no delay

And in this mixture of feelings I saw it again
This 2000 is driving me insane
And I bet he will feel it too in his brain
to calm the pain, this time he had to crane

He stood up and went to his sister's room
He was looking for something specific, I presume
He was looking for a costume
Girly underwear, a dress and perfume
I suddenly felt lighter than a plume
The senses that I do not have felt a boom
I felt like home I assume
I came into being, I was out of the gloom
It was short, my existence waved away, my dreams were spume
Finally he slept, all his energy and mine he did consume

And that one night was dramatic
That one dream was tragic
Simon seemed ecstatic
He also seemed older but I did not panic
He was not alone and it got problematic
He was with a young girl, she was static
I was the girl and it got enigmatic
I saw the flash again, this time it was emphatic
And for the first time I slept, it was systematic
And for four years, I dreamed, it was monochromatic

After I woke up all my confusion found explanation
And I learned a whole lot from this dream's narration
And to understand it all, it took me gobs of concentration
Finally, from all my pain and sorrow I found salvation
That 2000 I kept seeing will be the end of my gestation
Simon was not a mystery anymore, with him I had a relation
He was my father, and his dream found explication
During those two years, I listened to a long oration
And I learned tons about my father's future reputation
Still, some issues needed cogitation
What was I doing in this generation?
What caused this weird agitation?
Did Simon feel the same sensation?
Oh! shall I call him daddy now, his true appellation?
I was in sedation
Thinking about the identity of my mother gave me palpitation

1993 and my father was in college
He was so hopeful yet so depressed
He spent days and nights seeking knowledge
but he did not he was going to be the best

I felt his pain, his fear
his future didn't seem clear
I wanted to tell him about his great year
That he will be a pioneer
His success will be sincere
And his talent will be admired throughout the sphere

But I talked facts and he heard inspiration
And what he will accomplish became now his fixation
He could feel the joy of the standing ovation
The one where I stood to proclaim his vocation
He fell in the temptation
And enjoyed the fruits of his ongoing plantation
He sensed my presence and crashed in frustration

1997 And the years left were few
And I did not know how i'll get through
My father was traveling to Peru
When he drowned in her eyes, they were blue
This seemed like a deja vu
This was my mother, this was my only clue
And all along, her he tried to woo
I was excited to meet someone new
someone that could be my mother, my debut
Of them being together I enjoyed the view
But my guesses were untrue
And from this relationship he withdrew
And the two of them said Adieu

1998 and all this is approaching its end
My father was lonely with no friend
and to him love and amiability I did send
And his knowledge of me did ascend
but he was seeing me as his girlfriend
I admit, this situation did offend
I wish he could comprehend

Maybe he was confused  
I wanted to show him how gorgeous I will be
But only the beauty he did see
And his body he abused
To materialize what he pictured as beauty

He named me Stephany
Without understanding my entity
One time, he went out not sure of his identity
He first went somewhere I did not catch regretfully
And then He bought a necklace that said Stephany**

I knew it was for me
I felt life and joy
but I felt freezing
like if I were in cold storage
I did not know why?

1999 and it's the end of March
If my dreams were true
Simon should ******* soon
But he did not
Nothing out of the usual
Except one random thing
A few days ago, I felt warmth
I felt life, I felt agitation
But everything I could perceive was normal

2010, Now I am ten
Winter again
Cold and freezing as I was then
I know my father, I never met him, I will stay zen
May I find him and take away the cold Amen
Till then
I will immortalize it all with my pen.

I'm a bit confused,
Slightly terrified,
Been having these thoughts,
They're getting hard to hide.

My mind's been roaming,
Exploring itself,
So I have some things I'd like to share.

*I see all these people suffer,
But I have no clue what to say,
So here's to all of you,
What I've written,
'Cause things might not be going your way.

For the lovers,
I envy you,
Your heart,
Shall never see darkness,
Your heart,
Shall be connected with your mind,
Your heart,
That thing that it holds so dear,
Shall never cease to work in your favour,
And at every fatal ending,
Shall your heart recover,
Quickly,
'Cause the world needs you,
To keep on loving.

For the dreamers,
Oh how I love how you are,
So full of ideas,
Your mind,
Shall never lose it's colours,
Your mind,
Shall never lead you astray,
Your mind,
Those things that fly around in it,
Shall never be discouraged,
Never lose hope,
'Cause without you,
The world won't be so innovative.

For the hopeful,
I'm just like you,
Although that hope is false sometimes,
Never stop hoping,
Your hopes,
Shall not cause you pain,
Your hopes,
Shall bring pleasant ends,
Your hopes,
Whatever they may be for,
Shall never bring you regrets,
And remember that you're not exactly naive,
You're just needed,
And so you might experience repeated events,
'Cause without you,
The dreamers might lose hope.

For the depressed,
I'm one of you,
And I have a lot to say to you,
You,
Don't deserve whatever you're going through,
Never think that you do,
You,
Shall find happiness,
Hopefully soon,
You,
Shall become one of the hopeful,
And never lose faith,
You,
Whatever it is that you're going through,
Shall not defeat you,
If you think it has,
I want to meet you,
'Cause you keep me going everyday,
Remind me that I'm not alone.

For the suicidal,
You are worth a lot,
Your pain,
Shall not takeover you,
Your pain,
Shall not control your actions,
Your pain,
However painful it may be,
Is not the only thing you can feel,
Keep holding on,
'Cause you give me a reason to live,
You are amazing no matter what anyone says,
And I can't lose my best friend,
Not in that way.

For the fearful,
I was once like you,
Your fears,
Shall not control your life,
Your fears,
Shall only give you something to fight,
Your fears,
Whatever they are of,
Shall not define your might,
You are stronger than you think,
'Cause without you,
Too many people would be oblivious.

For the happy,
I dream to be like you,
Your happiness,
Shall never seize,
Your heart,
Shall forever sparkle with joy,
You,
Shall never forget others,
'Cause for many,
What you have is a dream,
And who better to help attain something,
Than those who possess it.

For those unmentioned,
You are nothing but important,
Whatever category you fall into,
Is special like any other,
You're in my mind and in my heart,
There's just so many,
I wish I could remember,
So peace and love be with everyone who reads this,
*Forever.

some people say
that to be alive
is to hear yourself breathing,
feel your heart beating incessantly,
taking blood, vessel by vessel, from each vein.

sometimes
i lie awake at night
and i hear myself breathing.
i hear myself breathing and i feel my heart beating,
taking blood, vessel by vessel, from each vein.

i look up at the moon and its pale white face,
in stark contrast with the blackened cloak of night.
i cannot hear its soft, subtle breath.
i cannot hear its heartbeat.

but still, it shines —
shines with a greatness i could never reach,
never conquer.
it shines because it wants to be,
wants to exist.

some might say that the moon could never want.
but i know that brightness.
it does not come unless first there is a longing.

i never hear the moon breathing,
but i see it shine.
and somehow, in that shine,
it is more alive than i will ever be.

(a.m.)