there were galaxies
in her eyes and every
time when she cried
the stars inside
of her eyes slowly
died.

Hello again, it’s been awhile since we have talked. I hate that you always want to do this at four in the morning. I never know how to explain to people why I was up so late, mainly because I hate explaining our complicated relationship. I know you’re worried, but I need to go to sleep. I know you want to stay up until we see the sun, but I have important things I need to do in the day time. You have pushed me around for too long, you controlled my life and my entire thought process for too much of my life, and I have worked so hard to push you away yet I always let you in when I feel you knocking. You loom around for too long after I let you in. Like this dark cloud I can’t shake for a couple weeks. It affects the people around me too, I can see you trying to **** them into your grasp. I don’t understand you; you’re this monster in the back of my head, creeping around everywhere I go. I don’t want to do this anymore, I’m tired, it’s late, please just let me sleep.
-k.p.
1.25.16

I became the crutch you leaned on
Supporting the weight of your pain
I put a cast on your heart
When it became too battered
I became your most sturdy stilt
To help you move on
Until you felt better
That's when you left me
Never did you ask if I sustained injuries
While I was nursing you back to health

i used to wanna be the sun
casting shadows on the wall
dancing between the leaves
but lately i have found myself wondering
how it would feel to be the warm glow escaping from the lamp in your bedroom
the lamp that lights your room just enough to read your favourite books
the one that as a child, kept you safe from the monster under your bed
and the one that now keeps you safe from the monsters in your head
i want to know how it feels to be the lamp that greets you every morning
the first thing you turn to when you wake up
when your nights get to dark i want to be the light you rely on to get you through the night
i want to be the lamp you bring to college
that sits in your living room in your first house
because you're 23 and you can't afford new furniture
i wanna be the lamp in your first child's bedroom
and the second child
and possibly the third
i wanna be the lamp in your last house
that sits in your attic collecting dust
the lamp that doesn't work anymore but you don't have the heart to throw away
i used to want to be the sun
but lately i have found myself wondering how it would feel to be the warm glow escaping from the lamp in your bedroom

Not often, but
there are times
when the noise in my head
turns way up
and the dial breaks off,
and all I want is quiet,
when I feel the pull
of something terminal,
feel the dark, velvety lure
of swallowed pills or gun barrel,
the stealthy seduction of carbon monoxide,
the skull-exploding swan dive
onto shocked concrete,
the warm bath with low light and sharp blades.
I can covet that big, simple answer, too, sometimes.
I can long for that complete, forever silence.
But I know I'm only window shopping.

When you see her cry
     you get a rag,
a gentle delicate cloth.
                                        Lovingly grasp her hand
                                               and dab its tip;
                                       dry each tear as they come.
                                                           ­                               And ask each drop
                                                            ­                                   why it'd leave
                                                           ­                               such beautiful eyes.

  If she wishes
to be in the sky,
  tell her to go.
                              Take the sun ransom,
                              and replace its shining
                                    with her own.
                                                            ­          So you can see her every morning
                                                         ­                          and wish for her
                                                                ­                  return each night.

When you see her scars
  both visible and non-
    touch each gently.
                                             And remind her
                                       that each and every hurt
                                            she has survived,
                                                       ­                                 has only made her
                                                                ­                   that much more unique;
                                                         ­                              that much stronger.

  Show her that she
  is a special person
and is worthy of love.
                                     That she deserves the love
                                            she fears to give...
                                            show her so that
                                                            ­                     one day after you're gone
                                                            ­                      she can find the strength
                                                                ­                    to go on without you.

    Tell her that while
she might not be a goddess
far above worldly desires,
                                          that she is amazing,
                                         for just being herself
                                    for being that beautiful girl
                                                            ­                   who thinks herself damaged
                                                         ­                         when in truth she's just
                                                            ­                    a different kind of beautiful.

   And finally, love her.
  Like a boy loves a girl
Till she finally remembers
                                            that that's what she is:
                                          not a scar, not a goddess,
                                             not a star. But a girl.
                                                           ­                         That deserves to be loved.