It was a few days ago
The last time you touched my hair
I ignored it and told myself
"Doesn't really matter"

My grades were failing
I was not able to cope up
Prom was nearing
And no boy nor friends came up

Those were dark days Gran
I can barely recognize who I am
You told me that everything will get better
You told me I'm stronger than Mom

I can still remember
The last sweater you knitted
The last movie we watched
The last food you heated

You were there for me
When my friends left
When Luke and I broke up
The night I cried, you sang and I slept

Those were the good in the bad Gran
But now, you have to go
And I was not there for you
I was busy with myself, I did not know

I came home with the usual routine
Called you while the house is still dark
No answer
I placed my shoes under the rack

I saw you
On the floor
Sleeping
For what seems like forever

I think that was the first time
I got worried about you
It is also the last time
I would ever be able to

You stayed in the hospital for weeks
I went to school because I need to pass
Focusing was a hard task
I should be by your side, I must

The skies were gray above the sea of black
Everyone was crying
Saying "she was the nicest"
"You were lucky to have her when she was still breathing"

I took you for granted
I never appreciated the small things you did
I was always looking for something far away
When all this time, you were all that I needed

In this house, I'm haunted by memories of you
Cooking, cleaning, knitting, watching
The feeling never abandoned me
Constantly there, reminding

That I should treat everything like it would be the last

Cherish moments while we're alive

Because once we stop breathing, we will become a memory

And we can never bring it back

I miss you Gran

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missing you
permeates my entire being
my arms and legs
my head and neck
do not feel connected anymore

i believe it began in my chest
traveling up my veins
and creating
brittle bones,
aluminum skin

my bloodstream is freezing over
steadily
slowly

until i am made of glass wholly
(i have fallen from heaven
and been made unholy)

i am made of nothing more
than  ice and stone
a statue no longer breathing--
i am no longer flesh and bone

as lonely shards
i litter the floor
until this black hole
has swallowed me whole

I can feel your love
You are awaking too
It's such a good feeling
It's the dream that makes us fly
It's the dream my love
When I close my eyes and think of us
Let the image wake your soul
Let it put a big smile on your face 
And fill your heart with the sweetest dream
Love is simple if you let it in
Love is simple so let us dream

we are the masters of self-destruction
trying to numb the pain with wine
and drugs
and smoke filling up our lungs,
we write down in lines with no rhyme
all the things
that make our souls burn and die.
our poems bleed
we drink their blood
then we write again,
listening to stupid songs all night
wishing sometimes we were deaf
wishing we were dead.
we let the doors open
anyone with a knife can come inside
cutting our hearts in half,
any tear is welcome
to create the ocean around us
in which we deliberately drown ourselves.
masters of self-destruction,
our bodies are temples where dying souls hide,
we run till our legs are broken
jump off cliffs
go between sharks' cheeks
forgetting to sleep
to dream
we bleed
we drink
we love
and hurt
it's a madmen game we play
each day
laughing hysterically
while slowly taking steps to the graves
we dug for ourselves,
the masters of self-destruction we are
lunatics
worshiping what's not for us to adore
crying
hiding
falling again
and again.
legs broken,
hearts cut and eaten
flesh ripped from our bones
lungs full of water
ears burnt
our eyes scream
but that's fine
'cause we are the masters of self-destruction
and our life is just a mad game

One window
one door
but no where to go
Seems I can't run from the thought of him
I can't hide from the happy memories
And I can't trick myself into believing
that this feeling has gone away