If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.

Those nights
When  you just lie there
And stare into space
And that feeling of your heart being ripped and tossed
Is on loop
With the same song playing over
And over
And over
Again
your eyes shut and the numbness ceases with your dreams
But you wake up
With your sheets stained of tear dried mascara
And that raw feeling
And your lips pale
Because the pain doesn’t stop when he’s gone

Step 1: Get out of bed
Step 2: Look in the mirror
Step 3: Practice your smile
Step 4: Eyedrops to hide the red eyes
Step 5: Conceal the dark circles
Step 6: Breathe
The curtains are almost up
Step 7: Lock down the pain
Step 8: Ignore the weight on your chest
Step 9: Silence the screams inside of your mind
Step 10: Choke down the sobs
Step 11: Ignore the stinging in your eyes
Step 12: Swallow past the tightness in your throat
You’ve put on this show a million times
Step 13: Don’t let them see
Times up. Curtains up. Camera rolling

Congratulations,
You got what you wanted.
You saw your goal, now you’ve reached it, now the real work begins.
You were brought here for a purpose, we saw your potential and now you must fly.
What do you mean your wings haven’t developed yet?
You were born for to fly so how dare you land on the ground.
We’re here to support you,
Just as long as you say the right things and make all the right moves,
But oh wait, you don’t know it all?
That’s okay, sally is waiting at the door, does she maybe want this more then you do?
It doesn’t matter that you’ve done it right 997 times, I found 3 times you didn’t so shame on you.
We will judge you, and oh we are listening,
Even when you think you can breathe again...
wait, you need to breathe?
The fire in your eyes makes you look like a crazy person,
There are people here who don’t care, so neither should you.
But get it right all the time.
Care to not care to care is to win,
And all I want is to make sure you succeed...
Hold on, did you think you would succeed?
Time is money, but you didn’t talk for long enough.
Spend more money to make more money,
We have expectations around here and clearly you aren’t living up to them.
I don’t care about your struggle, remember your place, you are a number on a blackboard and it is starting to erase you...
You stand out to much. Fit in but stand out, you were born to shine
But perhaps sparkle a little less, ok?
Your life outside of here need not matter,
No one cares, there will always be someone who has it worse then you.
I see you brought a lunch today, there are starving kids in Africa after all...
Stand up, sit down, become one with a wall
Can’t you see that we believe in equality around here?
Yes I’m listening but clearly you don’t understand that we just don’t care.
We care enough to pretend we care, do you understand?
Oh I see, you aren’t a shell of a person, you haven’t lost you humanness yet?
Give it time, you’ll be like us one day...
walking around here, living a life that nobody knows anything about.
Oh, you like to talk about real stuff? You actually want to be a real person?
Yeah, you’ll get bitter too.
Let the bitterness take control, become such a happy person on the outside but on the inside you’re already dead.
Oh wait, you aren’t like one of us?
Remember, this is what you wanted.

How does it feel to have it all?

Look,
one day,
it’s all
going to happen
to you.

You’ll wake up one morning
and skin your knee
for the
very first time.

You’ll jump
into your best friend’s
pool
in the middle
of winter
just to feel the
cold.

You’ll fall asleep
drunk
in someone’s
backyard
on cheap *****
that sticks
to your fingers
like pancake syrup,
and burns
like the hell
you’ll feel
the first time
you realize
he doesn’t love you
back.

Your life
will be full
of
laughter
and
heartache
and
temper tantrums
from not getting your way
at 5
and age 25.

But baby girl,
if you’re lucky,
and since you’re
your mother’s daughter,
you will be,
your life will be bursting
at the seams
with all the stars
shores
and peanut butter cups
your little body
can hold.

Maybe you’ll
grow up
and save
the world.

Maybe
you’ll slam
your car door
when you leave
and break my
heart.

Or maybe you’ll be
like me,
awake at all hours
writing down words
for someone
who doesn’t yet
exist.

But no matter
which path
you choose,
know that
I’ll always
be at the end of it
waiting for you
with sweets
and bandaids
in hand.