I hope my name sticks to you,
like a regrettable tattoo.

Yesterday I woke up in a feeling of pure nausea.
I threw up in the shower, but I forced myself through because,

I have to keep up with this facade that I have my life together.
That somehow, in some way, I’m getting better.

Yesterday I went to school and I felt scared and alone.
I have no one to talk to, all I have are memes on my phone.

But I have to keep up with this facade that nothing is wrong.
That I haven’t been suicidal and depressed for this long.

Yesterday I came home in a feeling of exhaustion.
I saw a message from a so called friend who said it was me he would abandon.

I can’t keep up this facade, ******* it, I’m already so alone here.
Why would you abandon your friends for a girl who barely knows what personality you wear?

Yesterday I broke down crying from the loneliness and silence in my room.
I tried to sleep it off, but I just woke up in a nauseated doom.

This facade is only a wall to block those who wish to care.
And yet I always claim that I’m not being treated fair.
...
Yesterday I slit my arms until they bled.
Because I’m tired of the things that everyone said.

I can’t keep up with this facade that I’m happy, because I know I’m not.
I feel it every day and it makes me feel like I should lay on the ground to rot.

Yesterday I...

Yesterday I wished there was no yesterday.
Only a silence to fill the room of a body in decay.

But I have to keep up with this facade that nothing happened last night.
I put my long sleeve sweater, smile, and quietly march on, hoping they never notice another lost fight.

There's a soft grass field in which I lay.
I close my eyes and breathe in the atmosphere.
The soft wind makes the grass sound like an ocean.

But, it's a bit too dark, isn't it?
I open my eyes to a splash of colors and patterns.
Brown grounded coffee beans.
Orange burnt from the sun.
Tan insides of a tree trunk.
Black like singed ashes.

And green.
The color of life.

The flowers tickle my cheek.
Stroking my face with a gentle touch.
I feel a raindrop fall on my nose.

I giggle softly.
It's going to rain soon, but I don't want to go.
Everything seems tranquil right now.

I close my eyes again.
A soft sound rings nearby mixing into the sounds of the wind.
It's almost putting me to sleep.
I breathe with the motion of the hum.
I wish I can stay here forever.

The sun is so warm against my face.
I feel nothing but the grass brushing against my skin.
I feel the soft hum enter my lungs and back out my half parted lips.
I want to drink this feeling.
This feeling of comfort, of warmth, of security,

of home.

It's so quiet, I feel loved here.
The sun kisses my forehead.
The flowers strokes my cheek.
The grass caresses my body.
the raindrop touches my nose.
The atmosphere drowns me in serenity.
...
But I must get up before the thunderstorm comes.

I take a deep breath in,
and I open my eyes.
I exhale out,
with a long and deep sigh.


"I'll be back soon for you, my kitty."